AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

Bless you this sounds awful three weeks after having your baby and a c-section, I can’t believe your MIL would be so unkind and insensitive. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing seeing a solicitor, keep everything as proof. Hope it all works out for you.

@Hankunamatata, I don’t think you can have read all the OP’s posts. She has mentioned that she met her now husband shortly after she came out of the care system, which I presume was when she was 18. She has been with him for 4 years and his parents insisted they get married when they found out she was pregnant ("My father in law wasn’t happy as the pregnancy wasn’t planned and we weren’t married, my husband then said we had to get married because his dad said this didn’t happen to people like them.”) So that would make the OP 23 or 24, maybe? And the marriage a “shotgun” one.

Well perhaps OP could confirm if he was this wonderful loving Husband prior to pregnancy and I shall apologise for being absolutely wrong if so, but most of the time they were twats from the start, they just become worse when they realise they cant demand all the attention.

This is sounding more like someone who is more bothered about what their Mum thinks than worrying about their child and wife, I am sure there were likely signs of that prior but again happy to apologise if OP says otherwise.

God what is it with people not realising that abuse most often begins in pregnancy and post partum? That these men often dont show their true colours until the woman is well and truly trapped? That they dont start out as useless, otherwise no one would ever give them the time of day!

I think I would unblock MIL and FIL. Mute notifications from them and get your FM to check your phone for you, so you dont have to see them, at least that way you have evidence of their harassment that you can take to the police if needed.

God what is it with so many women having babies with useless men. The fact that he chose a party over helping his wife who had major surgery 3 weeks ago is awful, he is a dick! Even if you felt ok, surely he should want to stay with you. Just the fact his Mum having a grump over him not going was enough to sway him to go, is ridiculous.

Im guessing you and your husband are quite young and got married because you were pregnant?

Best thing is to call it a day. He isnt ready, he doesnt want a baby and his family sound awful

I am so so glad your FM is there to help and support you. She sounds like an absolute brick (in a good way!). @RudaRudoRude you are so brave and more strong than you know. I salute your strength and determination. All the very best to you and your baby. You are better off without this man and his awful family 💐

You sound level headed OP. I’m glad you have people like your fm in your life. Sorry things haven’t gone well.

“I find it a bit stressful when I’m showering even if my baby is asleep I swear I can hear him crying even if he isn’t.”
I think this is really common. I’m quite laidback but even I experienced it.

I dont know if you can see my post history OP but I made similar posts post section RE my husband, long story short it is getting worse day by day and now looking into getting a solicitor.

YANBU

Do some people on here not understand that others will take longer to recover from major surgery (especially a crash c section which can have a longer recovery than an elective or even a less serious emergency c section), plus it's op's first baby, why wouldn't she need help at 3 weeks pp??

When I had my first baby my ex decided he would go to Amsterdam for the weekend 3 weeks after she was born, I went and stayed with my Mam because I just wasn't confident enough to be by myself, I didn't even have a c section!

Are you serious! No family occassion was more important than staying with the mothè of his child after her having a c section

Sending strength. Well done you for refusing to accept such appalling treatment of you and your baby.

Noone in my family would DREAM of saying or doing the things he has - including leaving wife and newborn at home for a weekend away, party or not.

If one of them did every single member of the family would have told them they were a colossal prick, and to go home. Including the grandparents whose party it was.

I'm ASTOUNDED noone has. They're abnormal. You and your baby deserve far better than being second to that bunch of selfish loons.

It’s honestly disgusting that they are talking about you not coping and getting custody knowing you are care experienced and using it against you! You are doing amazing and should be proud of yourself x

Of course he should have stayed. . Discraceful that he didn't. I had an emergency c section myself and it took me months to feel any way better

Stick with your foster mum! She sounds like she’s got your back and is the support you need right now. So sorry your DH and MIL are such arseholes!! I cannot imagine my DH doing that to me and letting his DM say such things too, not that she would - you are totally right to leave him for the way he is treating you both pregnant and with his baby.

@Duvetdayneeded has it spot on.

Him and his mother sound a right pair of darlings, is he thick as lumpy custard as he sounds it, no words for his mother,..putting mildly it’s disgusting .

I hope @spendyspend doesn’t work in the medical profession as she seems to think her sister’s experience is universal🤣🤣.

OP ignore this type of comment - clueless

just wanted to jump on and say well done for standing up to your awful husband and his awful family.

He will twist this and play the victim. Keep records. He and his mum will rewrite history and twist this into your issue. Keep records. Start a journal. Read if when you think you are losing your mind. Or if you waver and consider taking him back

i love how strong you are being. This is a fresh start for you and your lovely baby. As hard as the next few weeks will be try to make time to enjoy the baby

No, its not. Your request was reasonable due to being in recovery, not because you cannot cope forever. She sounds like a nasty piece of work. The chance of a father getting custody of a breast feeding infant is extremely unlikely, especially as they have no case against you.

Keep strong.

im sure anyone at the family gathering who isn’t as batshit as MIL is thinking wtf at the horrible treatment this family is giving you, hence the family member messaging in the first place, others in the family can see.

i really feel for you, baby colic and emcs recovery is so hard

Big hug OP lots of mental support for you and baby. You have been through a lot in your life and do not need others to stir the pot. Baby is obviously very much wanted and loved by you. FM is your biggest support, lean on her experience.

Get rid of all the others who do not have your back in all this. Love your baby and do your best with people with the help of people who love and support you, i.e. FM, HV, friends etc.

I hope you find hope and happiness in your life and embrace all the challenges it brings along with your experiences that you have encountered.

Three weeks is no time at all. I was still very sore at three weeks , and help is needed sometimes! Mil needs to understand this is major surgery and recovery is long in some cases.