AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

Every post I read further from you makes me more upset for you, but also more sure that you are soooo much better off without this nasty man in your life. All he is doing with his abusive texts and sending the police round is giving you good evidence to take towards the divorce! He is hideous!!

I am so sorry to hear this, specially your last message. There are no words to describe that vile man. You are all your baby needs.

It looks like you’ll be able to cut him from your lives fairly easily, even though he’ll be nasty throughout. Xx

I am so sorry you had to go through that. At least something is logged with them now.

No, that’s a load of rubbish.

I know you're feeling anxious right now, but honestly, you sound pretty bloody amazing to me.

Yes, you really had a rough start in life, but you have a lot of self awareness about possible health/mental heath issue you may face and you sound pretty switched on and determined.

Knowing you have a job, a home and the support of your FM, it sounds like you and your baby would be a lot better off without this baby man who still runs to his mum for everything (I say that as a mother of only boys too).

Please, see a solicitor ASAP to make sure you're ready for what his family may try, but I'm with his uncle, I'm betting they'll be all talk and little action. Also, yes, some counselling for yourself is probably a good idea too.

Wishing you and your baby nothing but the best.

My good what a strong lady you are. I’m so impressed by your actions, and not tolerating the nonsense from your H and his toxic family. You’re gonna be a great mum.

There's always one.

Love, it’s not health anxiety it’s anxiety because your husband is acting like a little baby getting his mummy involved.
he needs to be home helping you right now, i had an emergency c section and it took me 6 months to heal I used to sleep on the sofa as I couldn’t manage the stairs for months and sounds like you have the same problem. Elective c sections are different but emergency ones are awful to recover from.
when he’s home tell him you’re aware of what his mother has been saying and ask him what’s he going to do about this serious lack of respect. Your a bloody good mother, and you don’t need this shit off his family and sounds like most of them disagree with it too if they are telling you so some lf them do have your back.

Dear OP, of course YANBU! His mother sounds like a real piece of work and he seems to lack the balls to stand up to her. No court would take custody from a woman on the basis of her needing help with a newborn after a caesarean. I knew women in such pain after their caesareans that they vomited upon standing up. You are completely justified in not feeling able to be alone right now. You have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Rubbish. It took me 2 weeks just to be able to walk to the end of the road. And that was at a snails pace. CSection is major surgery. Add to that the sleep deprivation from a newborn. This slows recovery obviously. OP can do things at her on pace depending on how her body recovers

Sending you a big hug. You’re doing great and you sound like you’re going to be a wonderful mum. Your foster parents sound fantastic too ♥️

I want to comment and say you are absolutely amazing and sound like a great mam. Please dont give him or his disgusting family who are outrageously toxic a chance ever again. Keep going. X

Big hug OP. I feel for you. It's his family that are toxic. DH leaving you twice now at Ur most vulnerable is disgusting behaviour.
You sound lovely and after all you have been through, don't deserve this. They should be bending over backwards to support and help you. Their behaviour is awful and weird tbh. I'm no lawyer but I don't think any court would support taking baby from you because you asked DH to be with you after major surgery and new baby. Xxx

I have health anxiety following pregnancy too, it mostly gets worse from lack of sleep, try to put on Andrew Johnson medication for sleep or something similar, I visualise a happy place in the Forrest and try to picture being there taking thinks in. It sounds nuts but it can help slow your mind down. If your anxiety gets so bad make an appointment either GP, you are ok and doing amazing, you’ll get through this ❤️‍🩹

It's horrible being anxious and not able to sleep, it tends to feel worse at night. Are you on your own with the baby or is your FM still there? If you are own your own are you well enough to get something comforting like a hot drink and a snuggly blanket? Try this calming exercise:

Just focus on getting through the next few minutes. You don't have to solve anything right now.
Start with box breathing — do this four or five times:
Breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of four.
Hold for a count of four.
Breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of four.
Hold for a count of four.
That's one box. Repeat until you feel your body start to settle.
Then try this body scan:
Lie down if you can, or sit somewhere comfortable. Close your eyes.
Bring your attention to your feet. Just notice them — any warmth, weight, or sensation. Don't try to change anything.
Slowly move your attention upward — calves, knees, thighs, hips. Pause at each place for a few breaths.
Continue up through your stomach, chest, hands, arms, shoulders. When you reach your shoulders, consciously let them drop away from your ears.
Move to your jaw — this is where a lot of us hold tension without realising. Let it soften. Let your tongue rest away from the roof of your mouth.
Finally rest your attention on your forehead and let it smooth out.
One last thing:
If thoughts come in — and they will — just notice them without following them. Imagine them as clouds passing across a sky. You don't have to engage with them tonight. They'll still be there tomorrow if they need attention. Right now your only job is to breathe and rest.
You don't have to fall asleep. Just rest. That's enough.

Hope you get some peace. Remember how much strength you have shown.

That really isn’t surprising given what you’ve been through the last few days. Is your FM awake, can you have a chat with her?

Stay strong. You are a vulnerable young woman and this family are abusive. You will get through this, because if you can cope with care, you can cope with anything.

You deserve a partner who wants to help you and would shut down anyone who bad-mouthed you. Until then, being single is better than having a partner who leaves you feeling bad and unloved.

Sleep will be tricky for a while, and that’s okay. Rest your body where you can, even if you are not asleep. X

You are a lovely capable woman, who is perfectly able to manage as a single parent.

If you decide you would like to stay married, you will need to set some boundaries. He needs to tell his mum that he does not want her to utter a word against you to him, or other family members. That's extremely shocking and manipulative behaviour from her and he needs to be the one to stop her from doing it. She's jealous of you.

Your foster mum sounds like a lovely caring woman, who is also wise, so continue to lean on her for support.

II thiught the same.

Your FM sounds great, you will be fine with her support

That sounds super understandable, to be honest. Overdoing things at that stage can cause bleeding to pick up again as well, I had that issue, unfortunately.

YANBU

seems the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in that family, he and his mum are a pair of wankers

You need to block them all. If he wants contact he can go to a solicitor and to court. They are a bunch of racist, manipulative nutters.