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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about MIL coming to toddler class?

163 replies

TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 13:37

I’ve been taking DS to a little toddler class which we both really enjoy. SIL has started attending with her LO too - we aren’t particularly close but obviously I can’t dictate what classes she goes to and it’s nice for the children to mix.

The issue is that she always brings her mum (my MIL) along as well. DS is very disloyal sociable and basically makes a beeline for MIL and I’m ending up being the spare part while MIL & SIL participate in the class with DS and DN.

I don’t know if I’m being petty but it’s really starting to grate. It was my special thing I did with DS and now paying £50 a month for MIL to take over.

Since the children have been born, I’ve felt like MIL and SIL will just monopolize the babies and I’m never included (never even got offered a cuddle with DN once!) so this just feels like an extension of that.

I’m thinking about stopping the class and either finding another date or doing something altogether. AIBU and petty or would this annoy you too?

OP posts:
OpheliaWitchoftheWoods · 30/05/2026 14:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 14:30

Surcare · 30/05/2026 14:19

How often is MIL able to see your child? Do you have an issue with a relationship with your husband’s side of the family (you said you are not close) how is DH relationship with them? Asking as if she does not see your family that much she might just be trying to form a bond with her grandchild. She does not sound horrible (unless there is more to this that we don’t know) my brother is married to a woman that has gone out of her way to stop him and his children having a relationship with our family - it’s really odd and I can’t think of anything that has happened to create this. She just hates her children being part of our family. My husband’s family are not very nice, but he loves my family and feels blessed to have them.

She sees him once a week so plenty of time to form a bond !

MIL & SIL weren’t very welcoming at all when DH & I were dating (for 10 years!) and only showed an interest once I was pregnant. They also caused a ton of drama around my wedding. So whilst I have moved on for the sake of the family and my DS, I’m also quite cautious and sensitive about them managing me out the scenario wirh my DS.

OP posts:
Paramaribo2025 · 30/05/2026 14:26

LarksAscending · 30/05/2026 14:19

Go to a different class. When they ask why, explain truthfully.

I wouldn't do that.

Do they thrive on drama and conflict?
Don't give them any ammo.

They might be the kind of people who loathe being ignored, s-de stepped and not knowing what's happening everyplace at all times.
It will be fun torturing them.
Play the game.

You only need to be evasive and secretive to get the better of them.

Original poster
TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 14:26

thepariscrimefiles · 30/05/2026 14:14

Are there any other toddler classes that you can go to instead? Don't tell your SIL or MIL where you are going.

It sounds as though your SIL and MIL have done this on purpose to push you out. It's completely unacceptable and you need to take a stand.

What's is your DH's view on his mum's and sister's behaviour? Does he support you or does he think that they aren't doing anything wrong? It will be harder for you to stop this if you aren't supported by your DH.

Show quote history

MIL & SIL drive my husband mad so he does get it but since the cousins have been born he has been very vocal that we just need to get on with it and accept that’s what they are like and it’s all coming from a place of family values…. I feel like it’s coming from a place of them wanting the perfect close family excluding me 😅

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 30/05/2026 14:23

Just communicate.

You are being too precious. The dear little chap toddles over to other people who also love him. He is so lucky.

Tell MIL that you really miss doing the class with DS and would she try to support DS doing the class with you? Ask how they could suggest that DS remains enjoying the task with you?
Would MIL sit on side?
Make sure you socialise after the class.
You have a family interested in spending time with you.

Surcare · 30/05/2026 14:19

How often is MIL able to see your child? Do you have an issue with a relationship with your husband’s side of the family (you said you are not close) how is DH relationship with them? Asking as if she does not see your family that much she might just be trying to form a bond with her grandchild. She does not sound horrible (unless there is more to this that we don’t know) my brother is married to a woman that has gone out of her way to stop him and his children having a relationship with our family - it’s really odd and I can’t think of anything that has happened to create this. She just hates her children being part of our family. My husband’s family are not very nice, but he loves my family and feels blessed to have them.

LarksAscending · 30/05/2026 14:19

Go to a different class. When they ask why, explain truthfully.

Original poster
TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 14:18

Maray1967 · 30/05/2026 14:14

If your baby makes a beeline for grandma and you try to prise him away he is likely to start crying which is really going to look awful and will fit MIL’s presumed belief that baby prefers her.

Show quote history

Yep this is the problem, he’ll tantrum if I try and take him back which I do understand as I’m one he’s with all the time so the less interesting option !

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 30/05/2026 14:17

I’d book into a different class instead. Don’t talk about it. Then if MIL wants to take DS to the old class, could she do that?

OneKhakiTurtle · 30/05/2026 14:15

If ever there was a use for chocolate buttons this might be it. Bribe him.

Stoicandhappy · 30/05/2026 14:15

Yeah I would choose a different class and don’t tell anyone!

Maray1967 · 30/05/2026 14:14

Monty36 · 30/05/2026 14:10

Why do you not make it so you are the one to participate in the class ? MIL should sit on the sidelines.

If your baby makes a beeline for grandma and you try to prise him away he is likely to start crying which is really going to look awful and will fit MIL’s presumed belief that baby prefers her.

thepariscrimefiles · 30/05/2026 14:14

TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 13:55

We live in different towns!

Show quote history

Are there any other toddler classes that you can go to instead? Don't tell your SIL or MIL where you are going.

It sounds as though your SIL and MIL have done this on purpose to push you out. It's completely unacceptable and you need to take a stand.

What's is your DH's view on his mum's and sister's behaviour? Does he support you or does he think that they aren't doing anything wrong? It will be harder for you to stop this if you aren't supported by your DH.

Maray1967 · 30/05/2026 14:12

glaciercherry · 30/05/2026 14:04

It seems that way to me as well. If I did baby sensory or something like that and my MIL came from another town to the particular class I went to, when there were others available, I’d be both suspicious and annoyed.

As a PP said, your MIL shouldn’t be taking over like that anyway when she sees your baby at these classes. She should be stepping aside more and be sensitive enough that when your baby runs up to her, she gives a quick cuddle then hands them back so that she doesn’t interfere with you spending quality time with your baby.

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Yes, absolutely. OP has my sympathy - and I hope she has a DH who is not a mummy’s boy.

Monty36 · 30/05/2026 14:10

Why do you not make it so you are the one to participate in the class ? MIL should sit on the sidelines.

PullTheBricksDown · 30/05/2026 14:09

Paramaribo2025 · 30/05/2026 14:03

YANBU.
Find another time, date or place to attend a toddler group.
Don't tell those two.
Just pretend you gave it up.
Be very vague.

They're doing this deliberately. Shame on them.

Yes this. Say something vague about a new class that's not actually your new one. Would be interesting to see if they then said 'we went but didn't see you!'

Namenamchange · 30/05/2026 14:05

They aren’t really doing anything wrong, maybe try to develop the friendship and the relationship.
it’s important to your ds to have family around.
Your Dc or dn sound similar ages, so you might end up in these situations a lot.

glaciercherry · 30/05/2026 14:04

Maray1967 · 30/05/2026 13:57

So that is very interesting- they really
have deliberately set out to take this over.

Show quote history

It seems that way to me as well. If I did baby sensory or something like that and my MIL came from another town to the particular class I went to, when there were others available, I’d be both suspicious and annoyed.

As a PP said, your MIL shouldn’t be taking over like that anyway when she sees your baby at these classes. She should be stepping aside more and be sensitive enough that when your baby runs up to her, she gives a quick cuddle then hands them back so that she doesn’t interfere with you spending quality time with your baby.

Paramaribo2025 · 30/05/2026 14:03

YANBU.
Find another time, date or place to attend a toddler group.
Don't tell those two.
Just pretend you gave it up.
Be very vague.

They're doing this deliberately. Shame on them.

Ponderingpandas · 30/05/2026 14:02

YANBU, my DS is the same with mil, if she comes to an activity with us I know I’ll just be a spare part. She then makes it worse by dramatically apologising that DS prefers her.

Im not really sure what you can do about it though! If it were me I would probably just look for another class. Appreciate that you shouldn’t have to though.

crochetandshit · 30/05/2026 14:01

TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 13:55

We live in different towns!

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Oooof. I'd ask the provider if there's different sessions even if I had to travel a little, I think.

User711985 · 30/05/2026 13:58

TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 13:55

I like doing it with DS though so don’t really want to be handing it over to MIL!! Which I suspect is what she and SIL would prefer anyway!

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You can’t stop another mother from going to a class.

You could try and stop your own son from making a beeline for his grandmother but that seems like a difficult one.

So all you can do is either accept the way it is or stop going.

Maray1967 · 30/05/2026 13:57

TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 13:55

We live in different towns!

Show quote history

So that is very interesting- they really
have deliberately set out to take this over.

Original poster
TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 13:56

Maray1967 · 30/05/2026 13:55

OP says she’s enjoys the session so why should she hand over to MIL? Given what OP says about MIL & SIL taking over the babies the last thing I would be doing is handing DS over to them.

Exactly ! I feel like MIL & SIL try to push me out the picture anyway and this is another way to get that family time they want without me being there

OP posts:
Original poster
TheThursdayClub · 30/05/2026 13:55

Yeahyeahyeahnooooo · 30/05/2026 13:48

If you live rurally or in a small town I'd assume SIL will keep popping up, you can't really stop her, or begrudge her taking her Mum along.

We live in different towns!

OP posts:
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