AIBU to skip friends wedding

I´d ignore her if she went "livid". What? Just send a polite can´t make it, wish her all the best and fade her out. Who needs selfish livid people.

FFS
Go or don't go.
All the advice in the world on here will not be an iota of help.
You will have to decide based on your own feelings.

My advice: Don't go. 😁😁😀

op, You might meet a plus one:) if you can afford it and are free go… I lived in Paris years and years ago, on my own no friends and no family about and only in my late 20’s not confident with the language I joined a meet up group that did socials for young professionals and it was a blast! I would just turn up on my own and made some very good friends through it! I suppose that could be just my personality!
if it’s a hassle it’s totally within your rights to politely decline - bride and maid of honor will get over it! If you can afford and just pop some time to do research to make it a holiday as well as the wedding then go for it!

I’m going against the grain.
I think you should go! I’ll be willing to bet stepping out of your comfort zone and doing the thing, will be highly enjoyable.
You say she’s lovely, you want to be friends. So go! Shift your perspective to what a fun adventure it will be.
The logistics are nothing dramatic, very few places I’ve been abroad are right next to the airport. Transport is available.

For me to travel to another country for a wedding, with all the expense involved, the bride/groom would need to be very close family or friends.

I wouldn't entertain going for someone who I didn't see or have contact regularly. It's not only time off work to attend, it's flights, accommodation, transport costs (home and abroad), wedding outfit, wedding presents costs as well as spending money.

You need to figure out if the bride is a close enough friend, that you can justify the costs, time and annual leave. It's an invite, so you can politely decline...make an excuse if you feel you need too.

Don’t go. Time, money, logistics all a total pain. Prepare for bride-zills response, but there’s every chance, once she’s hitched you wouldn’t see as much of her anyways. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm… use the £s for a you-cation another time.

I'd decline, you need your own holiday tine and family. The two of you can go out for dinner somewhere extra nice instead.

Just say you can’t get time off work

OP this does not need to be as big a deal as you are making it.

In terms of getting there you said you had no idea how you would get to the venue. Obviously that’s not the sort of thing anyone knows instinctively, but you can google it easily and plan a route. And an hour plus transfer from the airport is perfectly normal for very many holidays. So I think that is all a non issue. Just an excuse really.

But the central point is it’s plain you just don’t want to go. It might cost you the “friendship” but it sounds as though that won’t be too big a loss. Either she is “very selfish” as you said in your first post or she is “lovely” as you later said and you expect too much of her (I don’t accept it’s possible to be both “very selfish” and “lovely”: some character flaws can still mean a person is overall lovely, but not someone who is “very selfish”). Either way the friendship is doomed.

I would tell her, but tell her soon. Don’t wait until after the hen do. That’s mean. Tell her you can’t afford to attend either in terms of money or annual leave as you have other commitments around that time. You can ask whether in those circumstances she would rather you not attend the hen do. But say you would still like to go if she’d want that. Leave that up to her. If she wants to retain some level of friendship she will say yes.

Whatever you decide to do, act on it quickly. It would be very rude to wait to decline the invitation until after the hen so. It would seem almost as though you had auditioned her other friends and found them lacking.

It seems from your posts that the main reason you would be incurring ALL the expense and faff of going to the wedding is to avoid the negative consequences of NOT going, in terms of disapproval from other people. And that is surely not sufficient reason to go!

Suspect if you go you would regret it. It’s ok to have boundaries. You can say ‘I’m sorry, I’m just not going to be able to make it work’. Send a nice present.

People will get over their annoyance and disappointment, just as you have got over annoyance and disappointment in the past.

It’s very selfish of people to assume that friends will jump at the chance to go to a destination wedding, and from your posts, you don’t actually want to go.

When you get the invite, decline saying you’re unable to go and offer to take them for a meal to celebrate at some point. If they ask for a reason, cite unable to take leave, etc

Same here.

I wouldn’t go to either. If a genuine friend they will understand and you’ll still be friends after the wedding. In the past I used to spend a fortune going to weddings and look back and regret how much time and energy I wasted. Most I am no longer friends with and they are divorced anyway.

Destination wedding… no obligation.

Anyone - and I mean anyone - who gets shitty over someone not going to a destination wedding, is not a friend at all IMO

Your ‘friend’ does not sound like much of a friend whatsoever. I absolutely would not be going but I also would not go to the bachelorette party either in that case.

She should be understanding if she is worth any friendship.

I was asked to be a witness at my friend’s wedding but it was abroad, covid was still a risk and i had a non-sleeping 1 year old who had delayed development, so i declined. No issues.

And the weirdly common mn issue of being invited to amazing destination weddings and complaining about it

This.

I would have a very honest discussion with your friend about your worries abut her wedding. If she’s a good friend she’ll understand and maybe even have a solution that means you’re not travelling solo. If she just kicks off and is livid, maybe she’s not such a good friend after all!

"I'm really happy to come on your hen do, Sarah and I hope you have a lovely wedding day. Sadly I won't be able to attend that as it would be far too costly for me to afford, but I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time back with your family"

That's all you need to send her.

Anyone who books a wedding abroad has to understand that means some guests will decline.

I wouldn't go to the hen party, though, if I wasn't going to the wedding.

Honestly, I wouldn't go. It's not going to be a good experience for you and let's face it, she would never make that amount of effort for you.

Are you really that bothered about losing the friendship?

Destination weddings - it’s really only family that should go (and presumably they’ve talk about the practicalities), I don’t think friends should be obliged at all. I went to both a engagement party and a wedding that required four hours driving each way plus hotels and the marriage was over within a year! She hadn’t even received my wedding present yet as it was out of stock (John Lewis Registry list). Anyway that’s another story…but I did feel what a waste as I wasn’t that close to her.