Page 2 | "You are not a prize to be won".

RocNRol · 2026-05-29T18:51:48+00:00

My husband and I are on the rocks. When we try to talk about why it feels so disconnected, I will say that I feel ignored or he never asks anything about me anymore etc (he's always on his phone, grunts answers), and he always gets annoyed and he always says to me "you are not a prize to be won". It's his go to phrase. Says it every time. I find it really dismissive but he says he just means it's not his job to 'keep me' or 'make me happy' and it's a two way thing. AIBU to find it a shitty thing to say to your wife, or do people have sympathy for what he's trying to say.

BeardySchnauzer · 30/05/2026 21:32

So he’s financially taking advantage of you, he restricts you from doing the things you enjoy and your kids are growing up thinking his behaviour is normal? Is that what you want from your life?

is there anything positive about him?

Original poster

RocNRol · 30/05/2026 21:28

I wish I could find my anger. I just feel really sad and worried. Not for me really. I know he hates me. Just the repercussions on so many things...my kids mostly of cpurse. But also my own family. His family. Mutual friends. Loss of home. I camt imagine the words leaving my mouth to tell him. He will be livid. You know there are some people who have their own "stuff" to fall back on...a job they love, their friends, not H. He puts in zero effort with most people for years now. Even his best friend just chose someone else to be his best man because H hasn't bothered to communicate woth him for years. Im the opposite. I work really hard. And I make an effort with my friedns. And he resents it. He doesnt want to leabe the hoise but he resents it when im invited to things. I feel it. He actually says I need to be taken down a peg or two and he "doesnt see what everyone else does" when I get invited to things. He says hes joking of course. Everything mean he says is a joke.

OP posts:

MesonBoson · 30/05/2026 20:26

Yes I am. If you weren't a stupid cunt you would be doing your best to win and keep me, but instead you're just chucking this away. And now its over.

(I'm role-playing)

MesonBoson · 30/05/2026 20:20

What's the point of having a partner if they don't make you feel loved and cared-for and supported.

Also, what's the point of having a partner if you're not going to try your best to make them feel loved and cared-for and supported.

He is a useless man, and the sooner you are rid of him the better.

pikkumyy77 · 30/05/2026 20:05

Of course you aren’t unreasonable! He absolutely hates you and he doesn’t give a fuck about you. Get out as fast as you can. Chances are that as soon as you ask him for child support he will decamp to avoid the responsibility. So rather than all out war it will be a rout.

Original poster

RocNRol · 30/05/2026 19:58

Thanks all. I know there is never a right time to tell your husband you want a divorce but it always seems impossible. But thank you. Always good to check im not going mad and he actually being an arsehole.

OP posts:

Scarba · 30/05/2026 18:14

I just want to send you a hug OP. I don’t know you, but I can tell you deserve so much better x

PonyPatter44 · 30/05/2026 18:14

I'm a prize to be won. My husband knows exactly how lucky he is to have me. By the same token, I know how lucky I am to have him. We look after each other.

Your husband is a wanker, and I am very sorry. What do you think you're going to do about it?

DalmationalAnthem · 30/05/2026 18:04

RocNRol · 30/05/2026 17:11

That made it sound like I worry he'd kill me or something! Nothing like that. Just he'll make everything awful as he can woth the kids and theyre v young. I think it could actually be much worse. Little shitty remarks like "you're not a prize to be won" seem easier to tolerate than all out war.

You wouldn't need to engage with him, so his war would be his own. All communication via a court approved parenting app, solely about contact arrangements.
Is staying this miserable, with your kids also watching, preferable to freedom?

BeardySchnauzer · 30/05/2026 17:36

Of course it will be better if you divorce - it sounds like you can afford the house payments alone and I’m going to guess you do lose of the housework/childcare

short term he might be a dick but isn’t he already?

NameChangeMay2026 · 30/05/2026 17:13

RocNRol · 30/05/2026 17:06

On the bills - there is just always a reason - so this month he is paying a guy to do something in our garden (£300) so can't "afford to give you your money this month". Its so telling the way he says it...iys not my money...its our joint mortgage amd childcare costs. Approx £2500 a month!

On hating me - yeah, contempt is the word. He often says "ah typical RocRol" if something is forgotten. Minor little put downs every day

Its hard to leave though. I really worry what the consequences would be

OP, I was in a marriage where the contempt for me hung so thick in the air, you could have cut slices off it with a knife. I was also fearful of the consequences of breaking up. He eventually walked out on me, and although I was devastated at the time, I think it was just the shock. When that cleared, being able to get away from all that dislike and contempt and bottomless negativity aimed at me was like being re-born. Like getting a second chance at life. I would realise that I was free of such nastiness and feel overcome with joy and the possibilities of the future.

No one should have to live like you are living. Save yourself, truly.

Original poster

RocNRol · 30/05/2026 17:11

That made it sound like I worry he'd kill me or something! Nothing like that. Just he'll make everything awful as he can woth the kids and theyre v young. I think it could actually be much worse. Little shitty remarks like "you're not a prize to be won" seem easier to tolerate than all out war.

OP posts:

Original poster

RocNRol · 30/05/2026 17:06

On the bills - there is just always a reason - so this month he is paying a guy to do something in our garden (£300) so can't "afford to give you your money this month". Its so telling the way he says it...iys not my money...its our joint mortgage amd childcare costs. Approx £2500 a month!

On hating me - yeah, contempt is the word. He often says "ah typical RocRol" if something is forgotten. Minor little put downs every day

Its hard to leave though. I really worry what the consequences would be

OP posts:

DalmationalAnthem · 30/05/2026 16:24

warmsmell · 29/05/2026 23:51

The amount of men who secretly hate us is shocking.

They're not remotely secretive about it.

OP should fill in the divorce forms online and start planning a blissful future. No long conversation or arguing, just icy, detached, done.
Once divorced, use a parenting app because communicating with him is not enjoyable.
Get him paying his half of all the bills while the divorce processes.

NameChangeMay2026 · 30/05/2026 16:23

OP, these men who decide they no longer want to be married will say anything - ANYTHING! - to justify themselves.

When I asked for more connection and more time together from my dismissive, neglectful exH, he said I should just be grateful to be alive. Seriously. He said that his mother's friend, Barbara, had died of cancer and therefore I should just be happy that I still have my life. Apparently being alive means I should be happy to be completely ignored by him.

They make NO sense. Honestly, once a husband starts acting like this, you're best off just releasing them.

bigboykitty · 30/05/2026 16:20

MeltyMomenrs · 30/05/2026 16:04

You mean like he did last time?

undoubtably, the OP just need to properly end it now & keep it ended!!

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Yes. I hadn't read the updates - my bad. When he begs again, just laugh, OP.

Embliss · 30/05/2026 16:19

He's lacking even the most basic level of respect for you. Sorry OP, but it's not really a marriage even once that basic respect goes. It's not good for you and it's not good for your child to have this as a model for future relationships.

I promise you your life can be better than this.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 30/05/2026 16:12

ToTheRamen · 30/05/2026 15:36

Any advice that starts with ‘girl’ is Jerry Springer/ Dr Phil tripe. We see the clicky false nails and brittle attitude and… nah.

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What a horrible response to a supportive post. You using “nah” at the end of your post makes you sound like a road man, but whatever.

OP your H should be your biggest supporter. Your poor DD stepping in to try and point out his horrible attitude. Show her she’s right to expect a husband to pay attention to his wife. Leave him and let him stew this time, don’t take him back as he doesn’t deserve you, and your DD needs to learn that you don’t tolerate disrespect.

Listen to Tolerate It by Taylor Swift, then break free and leave him in ruins.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 30/05/2026 16:06

MeltyMomenrs · 30/05/2026 16:03

That's my girl. It's not you without a gif 💕

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Thank you @MeltyMomenrs 🙂💕

I think I've riled a few people up this week 😫😫😄

MeltyMomenrs · 30/05/2026 16:04

bigboykitty · 30/05/2026 15:53

I think his use of that phrase is sufficient reason to leave him all on its own. I expect he'll be begging you to come back when you leave him.

You mean like he did last time?

undoubtably, the OP just need to properly end it now & keep it ended!!

MeltyMomenrs · 30/05/2026 16:03

mumofoneAloneandwell · 30/05/2026 15:51

Ohh okay girl 🙄🙄

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That's my girl. It's not you without a gif 💕

MeltyMomenrs · 30/05/2026 15:58

IrradiatedHaggis · 29/05/2026 23:23

If he thinks he's so cool, then why is he quoting Princess Jasmine from Aladdin? 😂

🤣🤣🤣

bigboykitty · 30/05/2026 15:53

I think his use of that phrase is sufficient reason to leave him all on its own. I expect he'll be begging you to come back when you leave him.

Fancythatfancyhat · 30/05/2026 15:52

Dump him. Immediately.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 30/05/2026 15:51

ToTheRamen · 30/05/2026 15:49

Yes, I’m fine with my understanding of language, thanks for your critique, but I’m not finding it useful. Classism is , I note, widely considered absolutely fine when directed at the middle or upper. So, nah. I don’t collude. Crass brittle sass is cheap and heartless. And often starts with a quasi sisterly hook of ‘ girl’, which I find offensive to feminism.

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Ohh okay girl 🙄🙄