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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I stingy and not living life to the full?

90 replies

Yealoo · 29/05/2026 18:15

I’m a single parent but in honesty my attitude to money has always been like this long before DD 3.

I have an income of 5k a month (ex not in the picture and doesn’t contribute financially other than now and then sending 100 quid, ongoing cms case but he’s self employed).

I own around 60% of my home so still have a 250k mortgage to pay off and I am 39 so not just starting out.

I have around 50k savings and my family know about this just because we often talk about investments and options. I recently mentioned that I was going to treat myself at Christmas and buy a 30ml 80 pound perfume as someone at work had it and it was amazing and it was almost like a trigger point for my sibling who basically said I was stingy and she couldn’t believe I would put off getting that for myself when it literally wouldn’t have any actual impact on my finances, it’s not going to deplete them.

It maybe sounds like a small comment but it was very scathing. My parents and other sibling then agreed I needed to lighten up and live a bit!!

The thing is I will spend on DD and I buy nice gifts for people (or so I hope!) and it’s not like I dislike buying things it’s just to me that purchase of perfume would be VERY extravagant. Is it? Do you agree or am I stingy?

OP posts:

footbeds · 29/05/2026 18:32

I get the anxiety of being the sole provider but waiting to spend on perfume on your income when you have savings is a little extreme.

2dogsandabudgie · 29/05/2026 18:31

Do you and your daughter have holidays? Do you go out for days, do fun things? If the answer is yes then I think you are doing great.

Stoicandhappy · 29/05/2026 18:31

I do understand OP, it’s difficult when you’re solely responsible for DC and have to balance saving and expenses.

I spent ages recently deliberating over whether or not to buy myself a £55 theatre ticket to see my favourite play in a few weeks.

I think if you can wait until Christmas then you aren’t that desperate for the perfume and will really appreciate it when you get it.

However, life is for living in the now, so don’t forget to do nice things and treat yourself well.

thistimelastweek · 29/05/2026 18:30

I would say you are sensible rather than stingy.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/05/2026 18:28

I wouldn’t call it “stingy” because that implies you’re mean with other people, and this is about yourself.

However, I think you can afford to treat yourself from time to time. I’m not entirely sure that you don’t from reading this!

footbeds · 29/05/2026 18:28

stayathomegardener · 29/05/2026 18:21

You have a pretty hefty mortgage, I think you are right to be financially cautious.

When did you get on the housing ladder?!

A 250k mortgage on an income of 100k is not hefty

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 29/05/2026 18:27

I guess it depends on what you consider luxuries and what you consider necessities - I would spend on a gym membership, yoga studio membership, posh face cream, expensive high quality fruit, nice gifts for DC, partner, friends, treat friends to meals out, host parties well, but not spend on takeaways, fancy meals, days out, botox, hairdressers, manicures, designer bags or perfume. As long as you live within your means, have a plan for the future, and a healthy buffer of savings, find the lifestyle that works for you. I wouldn't save money for the sake of saving money - with some well-heeled folks it becomes a competitive sport to penny pinch and that is a pity in my view (not talking about those who stretch to make ends meet).

Jackiepumpkinhead · 29/05/2026 18:25

I assume you are saving a large portion of that £5k a month? You sound frugal, but if you and your daughter are happy and not missing out, then it’s up to you.

SixAndJuliet · 29/05/2026 18:22

Yealoo · 29/05/2026 18:19

@Hopefulsalmon I do have a dd depending on me though!

I do treat myself now and then but surely to most people that’s an unnecessary and extravagant purchase?

Show quote history

Well it’s not necessary but few things are outside of food, utilities, shelter and clothing. Is it extravagant, maybe but that’s the point of a treat. You say extravagance like it’s a bad word.

stayathomegardener · 29/05/2026 18:21

You have a pretty hefty mortgage, I think you are right to be financially cautious.

SixAndJuliet · 29/05/2026 18:19

Each to their own but yes, it’s unusual to delay an £80 treat purchase for 8 months when you have an income of £5k per month. It wouldn’t be the life for me and I manage to save and also treat myself sometimes. However if it would take the enjoyment out of it to purchase it early then there’s no point.

Littlebobbin15 · 29/05/2026 18:19

I agree you should lighten up. It does seem stingy if it’s something you really want and has minimal effect on your finances.

Original poster

Yealoo · 29/05/2026 18:19

Hopefulsalmon · 29/05/2026 18:18

You're in a great position and I think you deserve to treat yourself occasionally.