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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell teacher friends to stop with the negativity over our decision to home educate?

630 replies

teaandaflorentineplease · 29/05/2026 13:49

We’ve made the decision to home educate our child. Fulltime school isn’t right for our family, and I genuinely believe that play based, informal learning suits early childhood far better than sitting at desks from age five. I’d have been open to flexi-schooling if our local school allowed it, but they don’t so we’ve chosen home education.

What’s surprised me is the strength of the negative reaction from our teacher friends. These are people who regularly describe the state of education as dire. Dreadful behaviour, no funding, days spent on crowd control rather than actual teaching, children falling through the cracks, classrooms falling apart, pressure to hit their academies’ targets rather than do what’s best for the kids, they can’t even afford gluesticks. This insight into education from a teacher’s perspective has also informed my decision to home ed.

However when I said I was going to home educate, suddenly schools are wonderful and I’m making a terrible mistake. It started a few weeks ago when a teacher friend mentioned our children will be in the same class and since then the comments about how awful home ed is have kept coming. I’ve been shrugging it off to avoid an argument, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’ve spent years validating how broken the system is, for both teachers and children, and yet the moment I choose to opt out of it, it becomes the only way to educate a child.

For context, my husband and I are both well-educated and take our child’s learning seriously. I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in. Beyond that, we haven’t planned anything because our child is still one. As we go through it, we’ll learn about what works for our family, and we’ll have seen how other home ed families approach things as children get older. We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage.

I’m not looking to convince anyone or get into a debate about home ed vs school. We’ve made our decision and we’re comfortable with it. I just find the contradiction so confusing and a bit hurtful. These are people who in some cases we’ve know for years, know how seriously we take our child’s wellbeing, and have spent years telling us the system is broken. I want to say firmly we’ve made a decision and we don’t want to hear anything else about it, but I also don’t want to lose long standing friends over it.

OP posts:
butimamonstersaidthemonster · 29/05/2026 13:58

How can you make such a major decision 3 years in advance. Lots of things change. Are you planning to give up work to facilitate this?

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/05/2026 13:57

Do the same as you would for unwanted opinions about any topic. Just say “thank you for your opinion” and change the subject. Do not engage in a conversation about it, don’t expand in any way, just repeat until they get the point.

Drivingselfmad · 29/05/2026 13:57

YANBU to ask your friends not to slag off your decision. They’re entitled to their opinion of course, and maybe they see it as their duty to air it, but it sounds like they have done that, and can now leave you to it.

They are probably speaking from feeling defensive of their role. I’m a teacher and it can feel like quite an embattled profession - so much criticism from so many quarters - and there can be an instinct to push back and want people to see the good and the magic in what we are trying, and managing to an (arguable) extent, to achieve. You rejecting the education system could feel, on some hidden level, like a rejection of them and their hard work. But of course that’s not what it is, and that would be their ‘stuff’, not your responsibility to salve those feelings.

Maybe home ed will be great, maybe it won’t, but ultimately it’s your child, your life, your decision. You’re within your rights to tell them to butt out.

MexicanDaisy · 29/05/2026 13:56

You might feel differently in a few years time. You’re still very early on in your parenting journey.

MexicanDaisy · 29/05/2026 13:54

Is it worth getting in to such a debate and upset about this when school is a few years away