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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell teacher friends to stop with the negativity over our decision to home educate?

630 replies

teaandaflorentineplease · 29/05/2026 13:49

We’ve made the decision to home educate our child. Fulltime school isn’t right for our family, and I genuinely believe that play based, informal learning suits early childhood far better than sitting at desks from age five. I’d have been open to flexi-schooling if our local school allowed it, but they don’t so we’ve chosen home education.

What’s surprised me is the strength of the negative reaction from our teacher friends. These are people who regularly describe the state of education as dire. Dreadful behaviour, no funding, days spent on crowd control rather than actual teaching, children falling through the cracks, classrooms falling apart, pressure to hit their academies’ targets rather than do what’s best for the kids, they can’t even afford gluesticks. This insight into education from a teacher’s perspective has also informed my decision to home ed.

However when I said I was going to home educate, suddenly schools are wonderful and I’m making a terrible mistake. It started a few weeks ago when a teacher friend mentioned our children will be in the same class and since then the comments about how awful home ed is have kept coming. I’ve been shrugging it off to avoid an argument, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’ve spent years validating how broken the system is, for both teachers and children, and yet the moment I choose to opt out of it, it becomes the only way to educate a child.

For context, my husband and I are both well-educated and take our child’s learning seriously. I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in. Beyond that, we haven’t planned anything because our child is still one. As we go through it, we’ll learn about what works for our family, and we’ll have seen how other home ed families approach things as children get older. We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage.

I’m not looking to convince anyone or get into a debate about home ed vs school. We’ve made our decision and we’re comfortable with it. I just find the contradiction so confusing and a bit hurtful. These are people who in some cases we’ve know for years, know how seriously we take our child’s wellbeing, and have spent years telling us the system is broken. I want to say firmly we’ve made a decision and we don’t want to hear anything else about it, but I also don’t want to lose long standing friends over it.

OP posts:
Sometimeswinning · 29/05/2026 14:20

I work in education. I absolutely believe if you have the choice do what works for you. I would have absolutely loved to have done it now I’ve seen how it can be done.

Education needs a massive overhaul to suit everyone. It’s not even close at the moment. It’s not about every child. Academy’s can be brilliant but they can be completely self serving.

Im not sure everyone on this thread actually understands how HE works.

Rachelshair · 29/05/2026 14:19

Your friends should let you do what's right for you without judging. Teachers love to moan about their job in my experience, it is the absolute worst job ever, the stress, the system is broken etc but like any profession, they don't want amateurs thinking they can do it better, which is what you're doing in effect? I don't think you can expect them to be pleased exactly.
I hope you haven't let them influence you against school with their venting about work. Most kids do well at school. The social aspect of school is very important as well as the learning. Early years primary isn't really "learning at a desk" much at all. Your child is only one, you don't have to decide for years yet how you will educate them.

chirrupybird · 29/05/2026 14:15

There's more to school than learning it's socialising and meeting all sorts of different children and teachers. It's a huge endeavour to try to replicate all of that while home educating even if you are capable of doing the actual teaching which many home educators aren't. I can see why your teacher friends are concerned for your child. You do what you want but people will have opinions. And as said your baby is only one, after the toddler stage you may not think it will be so easy.

Zapx · 29/05/2026 14:15

Kingdomofsleep · 29/05/2026 14:08

I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in.

You shouldn't feel "comfortable" teaching all that - even experienced early years teachers are continually professionally developing because it's not as easy as you think.

When your child re-enters school, they may well be very behind. Don't be complacent about your ability to replicate school.

Oh come on…! Any reasonably educated adult could definitely teach the early curriculum to ONE child, to say they couldn’t is ridiculous. The OP is only teaching their own child, not launching into teaching a class of 30 with no experience.

OP the best revenge is living well 😀 We had our own detractors at the start, but after my then 2 year old started reading confidently to them then they soon changed the subject. Have been home educating for many years now. It is hard work at times, of course it is! It’s a great lifestyle though.

dozer222 · 29/05/2026 14:13

I often hear this the other way round, those home educating are absolutely evangelical about it, and can’t believe that there might possibly be some positive things about attending school, that we are all ‘sheep’ missing some amazing life hack 🙄 It’s very tedious. Life isn’t black and white.

Strandas · 29/05/2026 14:13

Have you been to any schools? We have loads of primary schools near us and none have desks for reception age. Pretty much all learning is play based.

concertinacornflake · 29/05/2026 14:11

Kingdomofsleep · 29/05/2026 14:08

I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in.

You shouldn't feel "comfortable" teaching all that - even experienced early years teachers are continually professionally developing because it's not as easy as you think.

When your child re-enters school, they may well be very behind. Don't be complacent about your ability to replicate school.

The aim isn't to replicate school. Educating one or two is so completely different.
Home ed and school ed can both deliver excellent outcomes using very different methods. They can both deliver very bad outcomes using very different methods.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 29/05/2026 14:10

I mean, they’re teachers. I’d be more concerned if they weren’t negative about home schooling!

Skybluepinky · 29/05/2026 14:10

Sounds like you like drama, no idea why when your child is so young you would be telling people what you’ll be doing in so many years time.

concertinacornflake · 29/05/2026 14:09

Don't be strident about your choices, and don't discuss it in depth with them.
They are bound to feel defensive.
With things like this can be helpful to be a bit 'we're not sure yet, we might try it, we'd like to give it a try, we'll see how we feel nearer the time' in order to dial down discussion.

Kingdomofsleep · 29/05/2026 14:08

I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in.

You shouldn't feel "comfortable" teaching all that - even experienced early years teachers are continually professionally developing because it's not as easy as you think.

When your child re-enters school, they may well be very behind. Don't be complacent about your ability to replicate school.

hopspot · 29/05/2026 14:07

Op you state that full time school isn’t right for your family. Have you shared your reasons why you believe this with your friends?

Scarlettpixie · 29/05/2026 14:07

For now I would just brush them off and say you will decide nearer the time. It seems to be taking up a lot of head space seeing as your child is only one and lots could change between now and then. I say this as someone who is very supportive of home education and who home ed my son through his GCSES. If they keep banging on about it now you have said it is something you will be doing (if all goes to plan), then it's fine to tell them that you will have to agree to disagree and to please pack it in. That said, if you want them to stop going on about it, you also need to do the same. Some people can be a bit evangelical about it (I am not saying that is what you are doing but you might be without realising).

Tulipvase · 29/05/2026 14:05

Of course your friends shouldn’t be unnecessarily negative but perhaps they are just trying to correct some of the beliefs you have? Your average primary school will not have 5 year olds sat at desks for start.

Our area has a very strong home Ed network, might be worth you asking locally about what is in your area.

Iwanttobeafraser · 29/05/2026 14:05

I agree with your teacher friends. But, that doesn't mean you have to put up wth this. As your child is only 1 I imagine they're thinking you've got time to change your mind. I'd tell them firmly thaty ou don't want to talk about it.

Like any boundary you enforce however, you need to be prepared for the consequences. It may be that they decide you are not someone they want to be friends with because your values and theirs do not align. The reality is that while I've had pleasant interactions with people who homeschool by choice over th eyears, I've yet to meet a homeschooling by choice family where I think, "yeah, we could really be good friends".

Id' also be interested in how YOU talk about homeschooling. You are feeling defensive and attackked. Perhaps they are too for their choice NOT to homeschool or as part of the education system?

YourCyanHedgehog · 29/05/2026 14:04

A lot can change in the coming years. On both sides! As with all parenting advice,take what helps, politely ignore what doesn't. They may feel like personally judged too. People will have strong opinions on your decision to home-ed so consider it home work😄

Ponderingwindow · 29/05/2026 14:04

Your child is only one. There is no reason to be discussing your plans right now.

At any given age, you and every other parent should prioritize the needs of your child. That might be home education and it might be formal schooling. You won’t really know the best choice until you know your child better.

JustAnUdea · 29/05/2026 14:03

Do whats right for your child as they grow. That might include school. It might not. It might be school some years, not others.

As for your friends... people get very defensive abput the decisions they make in parenting. But theres often more than one right answer.

Ablondiebutagoody · 29/05/2026 14:01

I suppose it would be similar for most professionals. Like if you were to tell a barrister friend that you will be representing yourself at your upcoming trial, or an engineer friend that you are designing your own basement extension.

Hellometime · 29/05/2026 14:01

Your dc is 1. It seems odd to be giving it so much headspace now. It’s understandable teachers believe in school and education being provided by qualified teachers as that’s their job. I’d just say we are considering home education but will decide in a few years, she’s only 1.

sittingonabeach · 29/05/2026 14:01

Does seem strange to make a decision so early on, without any regard what your DC might like.

Growingaseed · 29/05/2026 14:00

I think your description of school is very dramatic. I don't recognise that at all.

The thing is OP it's a decision that affects your child and the entire path and experience of their life. It's the same with anti-vaxxer parents. It's one thing to bite your tongue when someone didn't want the Covid vaccine (etc) but when you hear they are putting their child at risk it's hard not to comment.

I'm not saying it's the same thing. However, it feels quite a rash decision to make when you only have a small baby and don't know what they will be like at 5. I'm not surprised your friends are struggling to not voice their concerns and opinions.

AndyBurnhamForPM · 29/05/2026 14:00

To be honest most home school parents seem to be religious extremists or 'dont want my kids to learn about there them gays' type people so don't blame them for being judgemental

cassandre · 29/05/2026 13:59

Sorry, as someone who was home educated throughout my entire childhood, I agree with your teacher friends.

hopspot · 29/05/2026 13:58

I’m a teacher. I’m realistic about the challenges but also I’m a huge believer in the positive impact schools can have. If I wasn’t then I couldn’t work in one.