to tell teacher friends to stop with the negativity over our decision to home educate?

They regularly saw families from different countries, religions and backgrounds - as in, at educational and social things several times a week or fortnight. During that time, they formed friendships in the same way, anyone does.

They all had friends and best friends and the usual ups and downs of childhood friendships.
Also playdates and sleepovers and as they got older, they were able to meet their friends independently, go into town (or a different town) or whatever.
They also had friends outside of home ed.
And boyfriends/girlfriends from mid-teens.
They all had part time jobs from 16, which they got themselves.

By the time they were mid-teens, they were largely sorting out their own social lives in a pretty similar way to any other teenager. Some of those friendships have endured into adulthood and some haven't - much like anyone else.

As young adults, they're able to navigate the world, make friends, go to university and hold down professional jobs.

I agree with alot of the pp.

Your baby is only 1.

Mine is 2 and our plans for nursery/childminding/stay at home changed so much over the past year and alot of it was determined by the child, our capacity as parents ; and health.

Im sure you mean well but you need to keep an open mind and not feel offence. Teacher probably see more of the negative consequences of home schooling, as they would have experienced of children joining the education system from HE and being very very lost.

But when your baby is older, observe them and see what they into etc

Seeing diverse families is not the same as building friendships and navigating the social give and take, the cut and thrust of the local mostly white (or other ethnicity) school.

How much time was your teen able to spend socializing with peers outside of whatever school hours you kept? Did your DC manage to make solid friendships?

Peer relationships are how humans develop the skills to navigate adulthood.

I have! I often use the Delia Smith technique, which isn't quite as good as hand stirred, but pretty bloody brilliant for a weeknight.

Giving this any thought when your child is a baby is just ridiculous.

Home education is against the norm of our society and culture so you need to develop much thicker skin if you do decide to do it.

Anyone here up for putting a date 3 years ahead in their diaries and checking in with op to see how she’s doing and if she’s changed her mind 😉

Naive PFB springs to mind

In my experience, a lot of teachers massively moan because their jobs are really challenging (and they justifiably rail against the misconception that they have an easy 9am-3pm with long holidays). But they are passionate about their jobs and know that they make a real difference.

I think perhaps you have placed too much importance on their complaints about work. And the teachers may now be worrying that their griping has led you to (what they see as) a harmful decision and so now feel a bit of a responsibility to convince you to rethink.

I think it’s going to be hard for them to act enthusiastic about your homeschooling plans so if you want to keep the friendships you probably have to A. avoid the subject (which is a bit sad as your child is obviously major part of your life and it sucks to skirt around the subject) or B. keep the topic on the table and deal with their negativity and hopefully move through it to a place where both sides have at least got everything out of their system and can discuss more positively.

I do think it’s annoying when people offer unsolicited opinions or are judgey.

I don’t think OP thinks her DC will struggle she just thinks she can do significantly better than “fine”.

Plenty of parents plan for primary when their children are babies, or even before. Start attending church and get their children christened, move house to a better catchment, save up for private school fees.

The thing that prompted the comments that made OP start the thread was a friend with a similar age child commenting on them both being in the same class at school - no one seems shocked at that parent assuming the local primary will be best for her baby years in advance.

I wish you all the best and agree you should just respond to friends with something like, “we think this may be what works best for our family “.

You know your child best and will know what suits them best. However as a mother of three I would just add two points of caution:

1. Be really careful about increasing days at work for a plan you don’t/can’t know (as you have said yourself) will work in the future. So many parents would love to have more time in the key formative years. It’s so important. Also you are effectively also sacrificing your DH’s ability to play a bigger role here - in a different scenario could he go down to 4 days for a few years?
2. Most of the parents I know that have home educated (and I will admit many of these have been down to circumstances rather than active choice - although they have embraced it) have done so in later years. If you can find the right school primary can be great. It’s secondary when it becomes more data driven, impersonal and rigid.

But…your children have just gone to a shit school - which begs the question of why you moved into the area and sent them there!

My children’s school is literally nothing like this. Because it’s a good school…..

Op should perhaps consider moving to near a school she likes.

Agreed. My sociable and extrovert 4yr old was chomping at the bit to go to school. Super excited. She’s just about to leave it now and, honestly, she’s loved pretty much every second of it.

Local primary school is from 3yrs upwards. How is that the same as deciding for a one year old?

The advantage of school is that the children encounter new ideas. If their parents are claustrophobic and helicopter-y, they see there are other ways to live. They socialise without Mum being present, which changes the dynamic entirely. If Mum’s not there, you take responsibility for your own life, which is the only way you can build skill and confidence. They build their own reality, rather than staying tied to the apron strings.

If your child hadn’t gone to nursery, you would have been an over-anxious and controlling parent, denying them the kind of risky free play that is essential to their thriving.

In your place, I would wonder what else both I and my child might fail to learn in the future, if we both stayed trapped in our little bubble.

It is one of parenting’s great joys to see your child become independent, until they end up not needing you. Your child is one, this might seem like a remote and ridiculous idea. But it is the goal of parenting. And micro-management is not the way to achieve it.

How is that different from parents who plan to send their DC to a local Primary school?

And yes I can only conclude driven by the parents agenda rather than the best interest of the child who is a baby so how can the op
know?

I’m not denying a minority struggle at school and that’s awful but the majority don’t and are fine. Deciding your child is in that minority when they are one seems a it premature to me.

I increasingly feel the op is desperate to give up work and has decided if she powers on now she can give up in three years to home school. This would explain her decision to use nurseries so much now but then pull her child out when they reach school age. I think this is underneath her decision to home school.

i am not the best toddler parent. I am much better at parenting a school age child. You’d be better off op sending your child to school and working part time or very flexibly so you can do many drop offs and pick ups as well as spending the holidays with them.

@user678435 Have you ever tried an oven baked risotto? Different texture, but sometimes when you can do without the faff . . .

I think this is mental for a one year old, how can you even know what suits him?

His needs will be different in a few years time. It's kind of like you are saying you have have his best interests at heart without knowing what his interests will be in a few years.

YABU to choose to do this when your child is only one. They’re not sat at desks aged 5. Reception is extremely play based. You’re denying them the chance to be as well educated as you, plus all the socialisation that goes with school. Fair enough if you try it and it doesn’t work, but you’re mad to decide this so early on without even trying a nice small local primary.

I'd love to hear from some who does HS about what a typical week consists of. Various people have mentioned incorporating day trips, sports or other interest clubs, meet up with other parents etc. But there are things most parents do on top of school.

How many hours a week on average would be spent at specific HS clubs that aren't generally accessed by school children i.e. excluding normal after school and evening clubs available to all. What is the split between general social meetups vs organised activities?

"I have this fantasy in my head that parents with different skills would set up online lessons for other children whose parents perhaps lacked in that skill.. or that they’d book regular ‘team’ days where kids go out rock climbing or do tasks that encourage team building and social interaction."

^This does indeed happen. (And not just online... it happens locally face-to-face)

I hope you don't mind me coming back to this thread, but I'm stirring risotto, which is a fairly unexciting task. I've just clicked on 'see all' for your posts. Over the last two days, you've been on here, constructing very long posts quite a lot. So it looks like you're either breaking the no phones around your child rule or not spending very concentrated chunks of time engaging with them.

I do wonder if what your friends are reacting to is a combination of perceived criticism of them and quite grandiose pronouncements from someone who a. has no idea yet what will serve their child best in the long run, and, b. doesn't seem to spend much time with them?