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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell teacher friends to stop with the negativity over our decision to home educate?

630 replies

teaandaflorentineplease · 29/05/2026 13:49

We’ve made the decision to home educate our child. Fulltime school isn’t right for our family, and I genuinely believe that play based, informal learning suits early childhood far better than sitting at desks from age five. I’d have been open to flexi-schooling if our local school allowed it, but they don’t so we’ve chosen home education.

What’s surprised me is the strength of the negative reaction from our teacher friends. These are people who regularly describe the state of education as dire. Dreadful behaviour, no funding, days spent on crowd control rather than actual teaching, children falling through the cracks, classrooms falling apart, pressure to hit their academies’ targets rather than do what’s best for the kids, they can’t even afford gluesticks. This insight into education from a teacher’s perspective has also informed my decision to home ed.

However when I said I was going to home educate, suddenly schools are wonderful and I’m making a terrible mistake. It started a few weeks ago when a teacher friend mentioned our children will be in the same class and since then the comments about how awful home ed is have kept coming. I’ve been shrugging it off to avoid an argument, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’ve spent years validating how broken the system is, for both teachers and children, and yet the moment I choose to opt out of it, it becomes the only way to educate a child.

For context, my husband and I are both well-educated and take our child’s learning seriously. I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in. Beyond that, we haven’t planned anything because our child is still one. As we go through it, we’ll learn about what works for our family, and we’ll have seen how other home ed families approach things as children get older. We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage.

I’m not looking to convince anyone or get into a debate about home ed vs school. We’ve made our decision and we’re comfortable with it. I just find the contradiction so confusing and a bit hurtful. These are people who in some cases we’ve know for years, know how seriously we take our child’s wellbeing, and have spent years telling us the system is broken. I want to say firmly we’ve made a decision and we don’t want to hear anything else about it, but I also don’t want to lose long standing friends over it.

OP posts:
Mh67 · 29/05/2026 17:40

Its more than just education. It's following rules.taking turns .listening, friendship, teamwork,socialising and so.much more

Bestfootforward11 · 29/05/2026 17:40

You have to make the decision that works best for you but I can definitely say that my Covid experience means that HE is not something I would do. There is just so much to teaching. Yes, some people might naturally have a kind of aptitude but there is a real skill to it all which your teacher friends might feel you are not appreciating. My DD has had some amazing teachers who have really boosted her confidence in a way that I can’t because I’m her mum and she’ll say “well of course you’d say that”. They’ve found all kinds of ways of helping her understand things that I don’t think I could (I should add, I teach in a uni, but teaching younger kids who are developing in so many ways, and particularly your own where there is already a relationship dynamic, is very different). At the moment your child is 1 years old and you may find that once they are speaking and developing their own opinions etc that they really don’t want to be taught by mum. For some children it can work very well but I think you make a lot of assumptions about schools, teachers and your own abilities which it might be worth reflecting on further.

Rycbar · 29/05/2026 17:38

I’m a teacher in a school that does offer flexi schooling and whilst I’m not against home schooling completely - what I had witnessed is every single child that has come to us from home schooling has been significantly behind academically. I only mention this because you mentioned you’re not opposed to schooling in the future but just be careful with that because all of these children are now playing catch up. We’ve also had to unpick a lot of incorrect teaching, specifically around phonics!

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 29/05/2026 17:38

100% agree with you. Go for it. That school structure from such a young age damaged our daughter. It simply wasn’t right for her. You know your child. I absolutely wish I’d done this. Ignore the naysayers. You can always change your mind and let them join school when older. Just make sure you connect with other homeschooled children.

my child came out of the school system and I wish I’d done it 5 years earlier!

Coffeeandbooks88 · 29/05/2026 17:37

Owlsintheforest · 29/05/2026 17:35

Unfortunately MN is very anti home educating - despite you clearly articulating your feelings about your decision and being open minded about school in the future, you still have received a pile on from these numpties who can't comprehend that you're doing what's you feel best is for your child.

My baby isn't even born and we've decided to Home Ed - unless things drastically change, school is a last resort for us. People that say home ed is bad simply don't understand home ed and more than likely had a blast at school themselves.

Just because school wasn't good for you doesn't mean your child should miss. Again it isn't for the child's best interests.

BerryTwister · 29/05/2026 17:36

teaandaflorentineplease · 29/05/2026 16:56

It’s not that I’m unable to allow outdoor play, but before nursery I would have stayed indoors on a cold rainy day and probably assumed my child would get unwell from being outdoors in those conditions. Now I have waterproof trousers and wellies because I’ve seen it first hand. I would have been the parent who would have scooped up my child and carried them over the stepping stones, or hovered reminding them to be careful as they climbed the tall slide but seeing how much confidence that the risky play nursery provides gives, I’ve backed off. It’s not that I can’t do it (except for the allotment!) and I’ve changed my parenting as a result but these are benefits from nursery that I’ve seen that I was asked about. It’s why I’m researching HE now so I have time to learn from others in the way I have from nursery.

@teaandaflorentineplease you would have assumed your child would get unwell if you went out in the cold and rain? And you’ve needed a nursery to tell you that’s not the case? Did you have a very restrictive upbringing OP? Because surely everyone knows that kids jump in puddles, fall in streams, play in mud, make snow angels, roll down muddy hills, climb trees, dangle from climbing frames, build dens in the rain, pick up slugs etc etc. It’s what they do, and we as parents have to stand by and let them learn. We don’t need a nursery to tell us this.

Owlsintheforest · 29/05/2026 17:35

Unfortunately MN is very anti home educating - despite you clearly articulating your feelings about your decision and being open minded about school in the future, you still have received a pile on from these numpties who can't comprehend that you're doing what's you feel best is for your child.

My baby isn't even born and we've decided to Home Ed - unless things drastically change, school is a last resort for us. People that say home ed is bad simply don't understand home ed and more than likely had a blast at school themselves.

Superstorefan123 · 29/05/2026 17:32

Baffling that you’d spend the formative years away from your child, when it’s proven to be beneficial for children to have 1:1 parental attachment 24/7 (non judgemental as I’m a nursery mum but just factual) to fund them being with you when it is less crucial?

Gottagetfitin26 · 29/05/2026 17:28

I think it's entirely up to you and it sounds like you've thought about it a lot and are likely in a position to give your child a good home education. Just make sure you keep an open mind as your child may be more suited to a school environment than you think. I would just ignore your friends, or if pushed just say you're considering your options.

Personally I would have hated my DC to have missed KS1, especially reception year where it was basically playing based learning and socialising. Having said that he goes to a small school with a lot of stuff going on. I do think schools generally are embracing outdoor stuff more now with forest and beach schools. High school is where I'm considering home ed as I really don't agree with a lot of the crap that comes with high school, but we will see.

BerryTwister · 29/05/2026 17:25

teaandaflorentineplease · 29/05/2026 16:02

Huge amounts of outdoor time, experience in nature, risky play, they have an allotment they tend to. I’m not naturally outdoorsy, kill every plant I meet so having the opportunity to get soaking and filthy, and engage in play outdoors for so long is great for my child.

@teaandaflorentineplease how will you meet those needs when your child leaves nursery? They can do all that at school, but if your child isn’t at school, who will do the outdoor stuff?

Hillarious · 29/05/2026 17:22

I was fortunate to be able to spend six years as a stay at home mum until my youngest started reception. I learnt a lot about children’s learning when my kids attended state nursery three hours a day for the first year of the Foundation stage. Reception was a step up, but they coped and thrived. Their social life took off and so did mine.

DH and I are both well educated, but I left the children’s education to the experts, and kept a close interest in the schools - between us, DH and I covered governors and the PTA. I remain impressed that whilst waiting for my year 10 DD outside school one day, the head was on gate duty and knew most of the kids by name (and not just the naughty ones).

For me, the most important time with my children was the early years, and then being around when they got home from school. Returning to work gave me a broader outlook on life.

Through my work in higher education I came across a fair number of home educated kids, and they always stood out.

What your friends are probably finding difficult is your obduracy in deciding at this very early stage that home education is the best option, whilst simultaneously saying their decision is shit.

thinkingaboutipswich · 29/05/2026 17:16

I really hope the OP is reading this thread and taking note but from the tone of her posts I doubt it.

It’s so grating when people say “oh we don’t think it’s right for our family”. Your child is one! They can’t even talk yet so how on earth could you know this? Incredibly PFB and really misguided.

Your child still takes naps and can’t talk, can barely walk at this point maybe. When you have a jabbering 4 year old with their own mind and possibly another child come back and tell us how it’s going.

lessglittermoremud · 29/05/2026 17:16

CeciliaMars · 29/05/2026 17:00

Not all schools are as you’ve described! I’m a teacher of 20 years. Most schools are great. My kids are thriving at the local state primary, learning loads, the oldest has just got into grammar school, they have tons of friends, are part of a community and do loads of fabulous clubs and trips. I wouldn’t swap it for the world.

I send mine to our local state primary, one is about to head off to grammar school however I wouldn’t say they have thrived because of the school, they have thrived because of their friendship choices and support from us as a family
I have had my children come home and tell me about children fighting, not doing set work, having extra break times because a child in the class is throwing furniture so it wasn’t safe to be in class etc
My child that is due to leave hasn’t really done any work in the last 2 years, he completes his work and then helps others. When I asked the teacher if they could set extra tasks/harder work they explained that in the class they had children working at a year 2/3 level, children working at expected (year 5/6)and children like mine who could be working at a year 7/8 level, that it was impossible to cater to everyone as there was no TA due to budget constraints, so there was no time to set extra work or explain it.
We’ve had to supply an equipment list the last few years to include colouring pencils, glue stick, rulers etc because the school has no extra money for supplies.
The school they attend is not particularly in a deprived area, it’s fairly close to hospitals etc so lots of professional families live near by.
Schools are not the same places since Covid, that seems to be the general consensus from the family/friends I have still working in education.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 29/05/2026 17:14

Do you work? If not do you think this is just an excuse to not work? Your child might thrive at school. Give it a chance and then see what happens.

viques · 29/05/2026 17:13

Your child is one.

Fetches popcorn, we are in for a long thread….🍿

Katey83 · 29/05/2026 17:12

Your child is one. How on earth can you know whether or not they will be more suited to homeschooling or classroom learning? What does 'not right for our family' mean, when the member of the family this concerns is still a small baby, and by the time they are at school there will maybe be other new members with different needs? I think YABU to have made this decision now and will likely look foolish in a few years when you realise your child, like the vast vast majority of children, will enjoy and thrive in a structured environment with the company of their peers.

PurpleThistle7 · 29/05/2026 17:10

I think also people who are determined at a certain lifestyle when their only child is 1 do often end up changing their mind. You might have a second child who has additional needs, or spontaneous triplets, or your husband could lose his job or become unwell or anything really. So probably useful not to become too invested in only one acceptable option and stay open to lots of possibilities.

sittingonabeach · 29/05/2026 17:10

Many international school systems have something in place for 6 year olds which most children will be for at least part of Y1.

CeciliaMars · 29/05/2026 17:08

ClayPotaLot · 29/05/2026 17:03

All UK state schools follow the National Curriculum which stops being primarily play based after reception. So they aren't what OP wants for her DC and aren't in line with International school systems that do better with the primary age range.

Most good primaries I know do a lot of continuous provision in year 1. Just saying to the OP that not all schools are awful like she suggests and that most kids get huge benefits from schools. As I’m lucky enough to be a teacher her, I also get 3 months holiday a year to be with my kids and do all the wonderful education and fun stuff she describes on top of traditional schooling.

cantkeepawayforever · 29/05/2026 17:07

ClayPotaLot · 29/05/2026 17:03

All UK state schools follow the National Curriculum which stops being primarily play based after reception. So they aren't what OP wants for her DC and aren't in line with International school systems that do better with the primary age range.

Bit it is really concerning that OP has needed nursery to open her eyes to the - very obvious - things her child might like and how to enjoy them.

Without similar input from experts in school-age children, what avenues is OP never going to know about?

AndyBurnhamForPM · 29/05/2026 17:07

ItsPickleRick · 29/05/2026 15:33

Most? Do you have a source to back this up,
or is it just your opinion?

What source are you hoping for?

Hellometime · 29/05/2026 17:07

If more than one friend repeatedly saying this do you think there may be more to it. It’s easier for them to say they don’t agree with home education generally rather than raise specific you based concerns eg you are bad at maths, socially awkward etc. I see some pro home education posts on instagram where they can’t spell or poor grammar - should have, your/you’re, to/too etc and cringe. If a friend was talking about home education and I had concerns re their ability I’d probably opt for a safer general comment than a personal to you one.

Differentforgirls · 29/05/2026 17:06

Zapx · 29/05/2026 14:15

Oh come on…! Any reasonably educated adult could definitely teach the early curriculum to ONE child, to say they couldn’t is ridiculous. The OP is only teaching their own child, not launching into teaching a class of 30 with no experience.

OP the best revenge is living well 😀 We had our own detractors at the start, but after my then 2 year old started reading confidently to them then they soon changed the subject. Have been home educating for many years now. It is hard work at times, of course it is! It’s a great lifestyle though.

Is it a great lifestyle for your wee one?

ClayPotaLot · 29/05/2026 17:03

CeciliaMars · 29/05/2026 17:00

Not all schools are as you’ve described! I’m a teacher of 20 years. Most schools are great. My kids are thriving at the local state primary, learning loads, the oldest has just got into grammar school, they have tons of friends, are part of a community and do loads of fabulous clubs and trips. I wouldn’t swap it for the world.

All UK state schools follow the National Curriculum which stops being primarily play based after reception. So they aren't what OP wants for her DC and aren't in line with International school systems that do better with the primary age range.

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 29/05/2026 17:03

I think the post about hovering around the tall slide and carrying her over stepping stones is very interesting. You say you've learned from that but you're doing the same thing all over again, trying to protect her from school because you think it'll be bad for her.

You discovered she loved stepping stones and slides. You'll probably discover she'll thrive in school.