AIBU to end it after he would not help with my flat tyre

I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day, but he’s showing you he doesn’t care and you’re better off out of it. But also think about how you speak to him “are you not going to offer to help” why not say “please can you help me”. The former immediately gets someone’s back up as a criticism. Extract yourself and your son from this drama and take care of practical things yourself so you don’t need to be ‘rescued’ by a romantic partner.

Sounds like it’s best to stay broken up this time, take your son away on the holiday instead and get breakdown cover. I have it included with a bank account with some other benefits like phone/travel insurance etc which works out competitive.

Changing a tyre is easy for some people, but not for all. Particularly those with no experience.
I can change a tyre. I can change plugs, put furniture together, and all sorts of practical shit that my partner cannot do as our varying strengths are complimentary rather than matching, and in this context it is absolutely irrelevant because if my partner phoned me distressed with her kid from the side of a road with an emergency, i would be there ASAP whether it was due to a flat tyre or a broken shoelace, because thats what you do when someone you love is having a crisis, whether you think its dumb or not, you get there.

Breakdown cover is fine, but tyres are often at an additional premium, as are keys etc etc. For a full bells and whistles cover its £50 a month.
In world where everyone people are skint and need to trim the fat so they can afford to fill their tanks, i can understand why cover would be the first thing to be cancelled on a "let us pray" basis.

Other than that, I hope that posting what you did to someone who's clearly distressed with a shite partner made you feel a lot bigger and better about yourself. Well done.

To those saying you should know how to change a tyre, I know perfectly well as my Dad taught me to the week I passed my test but getting the locking nuts off when they've been put on with air tools is a whole other ball game.

As an aside, carry a tyre inflator in the boot. You can get inexpensive ones and they’re ridiculously easy to use. Depending on the reason for the flat tyre it’s often enough to get you carefully home.
Also learn how to check tyre pressures and do it regularly.
And I second the long-handled tyre wrench mentioned upthread.

Well I wouldn't be able change my wheel either but I do have breakdown cover and a can of some foam stuff (that I also don't know how to use)..... regardless, this sounds like the straw that broke the camels back OP. You say you don't want to start again, but being on your own is surely better than being with your partner??

Fair enough but no need for the worn out 1950s comment. Let's be honest most women don't have the strength to change a tyre especially a large one nor would wish to do it!

You can swear on here, you don’t have to worry about changing a word to get past filters.

Sounds like he doesn’t like you and the way he speaks to you isn’t ok. So you’re better off out of it.

I think you were U here though. He was 30 minutes away. In that time you could have rang someone to help you. You could have called the garage yourself and asked for advice or the number of a tyre fitter. Stand on your own two feet. Going mental is really immature as well and doesn’t help the situation.

Keep the man dumped and work on yourself.

If someone asked me if I was going to offer to help, instead of just asking for help, I admit I would be fairly pissy as well.

It’s not the 1950s, surely women should be capable of dealing with things like a broken down car. Breakdown cover isn’t perfect but if you don’t have the time or inclination to learn for yourself, it is useful. And the great thing about not being reliant on some bloke is that it’s easier to bin off the useless ones 😊

He sounds an utter sh1t and you are right to ditch him as he will not change.

However DH and I have been married for 37 years and I have had many flat tyres. I have never needed DH to sort me out and I have no idea how to change a tyre. I do, however, have breakdown cover.

He sounds awful and you are not wrong to ditch him.

You need to learn to change a tyre or have a breakdown membership.

The flat tyre sounds like the least of your problems. You and your son are clearly not a priority in his life. Actions speak louder than words. I would ditch him as he sounds like he doesn't give a shit in general. Also get a portable pump for your tyre and some breakdown cover.

Her post said I rang him he didnt once offer to help I then said are you not going to offer to help as no one else is available and im stranded

That's reasonable...she didn't rant until it became clear he wasn't going to help. As I said most decent men, even strangers would offer to help. No empathy, that's the major red flag.

Bad men tell women they love and care for them all the time. They have no problem lying about that. You're only confused because you wouldn't lie like that. He's shown you repeatedly by his actions he doesn't care about you. So it's easy now. He's a shit and you can find a much better, kinder man.
If any of my hisbands female friends rang him with that problem he would have no hesitation to go and help, if he could get there, or at least ring round to find out if anyone else could help. That's because my husband is a kind and decent man.

Get breakdown
cover or ask a friend or family member to teach you how to change a tyre.

Dump him fully - ie no more back and forth.

Buy the book “Women Who Love Too Much” and read it several times.

Take a break from dating until you feel
stronger in yourself. Focus on your DC and yourself only for now.

You need to get a long handle for the socket. I have one about 2 feet long, 20 quid from Halfords, it turns those suckers so easily.

I did this in response to a previous flat tyre incident where a mobile welder had to come out and weld a spanner to the nuts, then turn the spanner with a long metal pipe (after me and RAC both failed).

Seriously?? It is an emergency, in that it needs action from someone else before anything can be done and until then she stranded with her 3yo. I have roadside assist and my dh would still have come and we’d decide who waited with the car and who took 3yo, he’d offer to wait. I think this is a crystal clear case of chuck the whole man in the bin op, you aren’t under reacting in the slightest.

This was my first reaction. You also need all the proper equiment to safely jack and remove/tighten the wheel nuts, then properly inflate the new tyre after. No one should be attempting this unless they know what they're doing. Personally i wouldn't even ask unless i knew someone had done it before and was competent. It's not difficult to do, but it can be disasterous if you mess it up.

The point is he was totally unsupportive, and if that's a pattern of behaviour then you are right to end it. But i don't think there should be an expectation that all men should be able to change a tyre.

So what would you suggest? The OP just assumes someone will come and help? Not a very safe attitude when she has a small child in the car. And that’s why people suggest she either pays for the cover or have car maintenance lessons

Not to mention you need to understand where your safe jacking points are on your particular make and model, and have the strength needed to manually undo wheel nuts which have been tightened using a power tool, by the side of a moving road, possibly in the rain or darkness!

I know exactly how to change my tyres and where my jacking points are, but I’ve never yet been able to undo wheel nuts manually on any of my cars.

I don’t agree with this at all

Changing a tyre is only easy if you know how. There’s loads of mistakes you could make if you aren’t familiar with it - even before you start you’ve got to know where to put the (small and shit) jack, which professional tyre people wouldn’t even use. OP didn’t know how. Learning whilst supervising a 3yo in a stressful situation would have been stupid.

Also, breakdown cover these days has really changed. In the old days, you could call them and they’d come in a reasonable amount of time. I’ve cancelled my breakdown cover this year. I’d had it for 25 years and last time I called - at 4pm, the latest estimate for arrival (which kept changing) was 2-5am the following morning. So it’s actually a waste of money.

Eueeeeew at all the posts from Nelly Know Alls questioning why she doesn’t know how to change a tyre. God forbid any of us should be daring to go through life without being totally capable and knowing how to do everything and anything without help at all times.

Totally missing the point of the post and just trying to find a way to make the obviously already down OP feel bad about themselves or like this is all their fault. Some women really are horrible. Hope the OP is taking no notice.

Knowing how to change a wheel is one thing, being able to do so is another matter. I doubt I could even lift my wheels as they are 21” and I doubt I could torque them to the right settings once fitted, providing I could get them off in the first place.

Firstly - your not wrong to get rid.

Secondly for your own sake and your child’s safety - learn some basics of car maintenance and get breakdown cover!

He's a waste of space.
A man you can't rely on is not one you want.
Get breakdown cover and dump him.