AIBU to end it after he would not help with my flat tyre

Go on holiday without him.

I have been driving for just over 40 years and only once had a flat tyre. I had 3 DCs plus excitable dog in the car. Lots of luggage on top of spare. Some very kind gentleman stopped (in tennis whites) and changed the wheel.

I couldn't physically empty that boot now, let alone change a wheel, so would call a breakdown company.

You still dont use a torque gun on a central wheel lock unless you are driving an F1 or NASCAR.

Even cars without spare wheels come with the tools to remove one (to squirt foam in and inflate it).

OP didn’t say she didn’t have the equipment, she said she didn’t know how to. It’s no different to the male partners of members of this site that apparently can’t operate washing machines or toilet brushes. You need not be a professional for any of this, just a competent adult.

How does this rely on men?

Breakdown cover can be female and or the necessary EQUIPMENT professional not amateur to remove a tyre and owned by a man or woman...but not owned by the average driver

He sounds like a twat but if you’re going to drive a car there is a responsibility on you to know the basics. Anyone can have a flat tyre at any time. My DD had changed 2 (first with supervision) before she was 12. It’s an important life skill. (And I always buy a spare wheel if the car doesn’t come with one. A can of foam or hours of waiting for a breakdown service when a wheel can be changed in under 10 mins is a no-brainer.)

and a 3 year old and jack up a car at the same time?

One of the best things in my very long marriage was the fact we always had each others backs. I manage on my own now (widow) but i miss that.

I’m going tbh and say I don’t know how to change a tire either. I sort of know but I lack the confidence that I’d Jack the car up at the right point be able to get all the nuts off and back on. I know someone whose wheel fell off after the nuts weren’t properly tightened ( over tightened can also be a problem.) I would say RAC cover is worth it in my area they always subcontract tyre jobs to a local company who will come and get spare on or put you on the back and take you to a car park where a mobile tyre fitter will replace however many tyres you need. Never had to wait over an hour and I’ve gotten through a few tyres due to crappy roads.

The man sounds pointless for a myriad of reasons, but honestly; what's with the breaking/making up nonsense?

You knew he was a shit, so he hasn't revealed anything new here. Just choose better for yourself- i.e, dump him for good.
Save all that wonderful energy for yourself and your son.
The holiday money will also buy excellent breakdown coverage, as I can almost guarantee you paid for that too.

Yes because being unable to handle things herself increases the chances of being stuck with someone like that. Why make yourself that vulnerable when you don’t have to

I would help him if he ever needed it and I was able to.

The point is you've done what a lot of people do.

You haven't bothered to learn a useful skill.
You know he can do it.
You could previously asked him to show you how.
Or even questioned him about what ways you could resolve this yourself (mobile tyre fitters etc)

But instead you've relied on him having useful skills. So much so you've saved money on breakdown cover. And then got annoyed when you can't leverage those skills.

So there's likely an imbalance about what help you are actually able to offer him. Which does make your protestation a little hollow and I can understand why he sees you as entitled. Odds on this is not the first such incident.

YABU

So basically, the op is with a shit, cheating, uncaring man who has no interest in her or her small child, and loads of people on here are saying;
Ooh, why don't you know how to change a tyre? Why haven't you the strength to deal with it? Why can't you just buy roadside assistance?

You need to post in relationships, op. Not on aibu where these people lurk.

Gosh you do like to pick an argument don't you. It isn't even about a point relevant to the thread.

Then why use the twee character substitution? If you don’t want to type the word shit then I’m sure others are available 😆

Not when your car has a central wheel lock.

I would dump someone who obviously did not care for me and spoke to me unpleasantly, yes. I would view this not as "having to start again" but choosing to improve my life.

At the same time whilst a flat tyre is inconvenient and stressful, especially with a small child in the car but it's best to learn to manage these things yourself if you are a driver and using the vehicle to transport children.

Ultimately you managed the situation by driving to a nearby garage and were able to deal with it without him anyway. The wheel will not fall off from a flat tyre however if you genuinely felt it was unsafe to be on the road with the vehicle as it was then you should not have driven it at all, especialy with the child in the car, and should have called for recovery. You don't need a recovery plan to call a provider and get assistance.

I would recommend you sort breakdown cover so you don't have to worry in future.

I don't think it's that easy. Getting those wheel nuts off is quite difficult. I had to borrow some swept up tool from a neighbour once because the tool in the boot required far more strength than I had. The car was in our driveway so I could take my time. and that is the one and only time I have changed a tyre.

The last flat tyre I got was from hitting a rock where a hillside had slipped. I phoned for roadside rescue after I phoned my husband who checked whether I wanted him to come out. Roadside rescue turned up in half an hour and managed to change the tyre in the pouring rain in the dark far faster than my husband or I could have managed. Really with a small child you should get proper breakdown cover.

He sounds quite unpleasant. In my younger hotter days men practically rushed to change my tyre when I had a flat - complete strangers who stopped to help. Now I have roadside rescue. Yes, I would have expected him to come especially if he said it was so easy to change the tyre.

Using torque guns to tighten your wheel nuts is a really stupid idea and any garage who are too lazy to properly tighten nuts by hand in a criss cross pattern and then with a torque wrench should be avoided at all costs.

Nah…that’s why I breakdown cover! Don’t keep a dog and bark yourself.

Perhaps some of us don't feel the need and may know because we have been here since it were fields.

Your relationship isn’t working. It’s should be nice and fun in the first years! Get rid and make space for someone who respects you and your son, speaks to you properly and shows you that he loves you with actions.

It's technique, not strength. Try it sometime rather than being a woman who thinks it's OK to rely on men.

Sometimes you need an incident like this to see who someone really is. I bet this isn’t out of character.

You deserve better.

I take it you’re a man, right?