Should our 10-year-old contribute to replacing the broken car charge cover?

My son once threw the remote control at the TV in anger and smashed the screen.

I took all his birthday money away to pay for a new one. Made him go to his money box and remove it.

He never did it again

We actually didn’t use this money I put it into his savings account but he didn’t and still doesn’t know and frequently talks about how I used all his 7th Birthday Money to buy a new TV after he broke it. He’s 13 now.

I accidently damaged my car but shockingly, the garage made me pay for the repair, even though it was an accident....

I was replying to a pp who said the kids attitude was the bigger issue

So why didn’t she tell you? Was it because she felt scared or just didn’t care? The answer depends on what you do

I think doing chores would e more appropriate than docking pocket money - it will teach her that you need to take responsibility, even for accidents...

Indeed. But I think it says a lot about us that we barely even consider making rich and powerful people like them pay for the damage they cause. Is it because we know it’s too expensive or difficult to impose consequences on somebody rich and powerful, so we don’t bother chasing them, and instead, we as a society pick on those who cannot fight back? The postmasters were ruthlessly prosecuted because the establishment knew (and probably made sure) they could not fight back. Now that the truth has been revealed, will the perpetrators face justice? People are still being pursued by the courts for alleged lockdown breaches; will Boris Johnson ever be brought to justice for his crimes? Similarly, we take away children’s pocket money, because we can, and they cannot fight back; but do we dock an employee’s pay if they make a costly mistake?

And don’t get me started on the bankers in 2008, who wrecked the country, grinned and said “sorry”, and paid NOTHING.

But many of us see it differently. She was too scared to own up to it because of being worried about how her parents would react. My kids would have fessed up straight away as they know I would go through with them what happened and how can we mitigate it for the future so it won’t happen again. I would tell them how much it is costing me so they understand the consequence. Wouldn’t expect it to happen again. That would be the end of it.

i would never would have wanted to put a punishment on my child that meant they were ever scared in the future no not want to be honest.

It was carelessness and she isn't sorry. How do you expect children to grow into responsible adults if there are no consequences?

Maybe if all of these people had been taught that their actions have consequences at a younger age, they wouldn’t have grown up to be such vile people

What issue ?

23 weeks isn’t a year.

Seriously make her pay? Sheet happens get over it.

I think I must be missing something, was there an update from OP as I can't see any issues with the parents attitude in the original post?

Surely the bigger issue is the parents attitude

Accidents happen, the bigger issue is her attitude. Not owning up, not apologising as soon as it happened, and not being willing to try to make it right.

If she had owned up straight away, been genuinely sorry and willing to try to make it right, I would have docked maybe 1-2 weeks as a nominal recognition that damage costs money, even if accidental.

But with that attitude I would be removing the automatic pocket money for the equivalent number of weeks. With the option to earn it back by doing extra jobs (I presume at 10 she already does a couple small jobs - my DD10 empties dishwasher every day and puts away, DD7 sorts the recycling) at an agreed rate.

But that makes no sense unless you had a dog walker you were paying £15 an hour to already thus saving the money.

just walking to dog means there is no direct connection between breaking the sink and paying off the debt.

and shouldn’t they be walking the dog for free anyway because they love the dog?

Yes. Best teach her a lesson early.

Not if it was an accident

I would imagine if it was broken because you were kicking a football around the kitchen after being asked not to, your DH might well be pissed off and expect you to replace it from your own money rather than family money.

My children and now Grandchildren have always accepted, without question, paying fully for any damages caused by them doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. A month or so ago 12 year old GC kicked his football into the utility room through back door. It then somehow bounced onto the sink and cracked it. I’d no idea what a new sink would cost so asked him how he wanted to repay the cost of the damage. He offered to walk the dogs separately daily for a week. I thought that was fair and he got on with it with no fuss and I didn’t end up screeching. Truth be told his time is an hour a day for seven days, imo that’s plenty to give back but probably 7 hours work at £15 ph that a dog walker would charge won’t cover a new sink. However he thinks it will and also knows there’s been the consequence we’ve always had in the house

That’s exactly our home life too; none of us are perfect but we collaborate and learn together. My kids are adults now and we are very close and open and nobody is scared of anyone.

Exactly. The fact the mum would charge a ten year old £118 for an accident, shows exactly why the girl kept it a secret. I wonder what the dynamic is like at home.

If a DH suggested docking his wife’s allowance for scratching the car, there would be the Mumsnet war cry of “LEAVE THE BASTARD!”

And that would probably just be for having the arrangement of an “allowance”!

Don't be ridiculous. She's a child and it was an accident.

I dropped the glass lid of my frying pan on the floor this week and it smashed into loads of pieces. I'm glad my husband isn't punishing me. I mean, I need to learn, don't I? I need some kind of consequence. If not money related then extra chores or not being allowed to watch TV for a few days....

Can you see how ridiculous it is to punish someone for an accident?!!