Was I inappropriate to request this from my dentist?

I like and trust my dentist

You may like your dentist but you don’t trust him. A dental nurse is usually always present for routine appointments so something requiring sedation one will definitely be there

I think it depends on what the procedure is going to be, where the observer can be placed to be out of the way and being sure that they can be trusted not to faint/panic/interfere. I believe that there are limits now on what anaesthesia a dentist can provide and what requires the services of an anaesthetist.

Yabu. There will be two members in staff there. You could always video record the experience with some high tech camera glasses 👓

@Funderthighs I could be wrong, but the impression I got is not that OP is anxious about going to the dentist. More that she’s worried about the dentist touching her inappropriately while she’s sedated, so she wants her husband there to police the situation. He won’t be providing direct comfort to her, as she’ll be sedated.

I don't see why not. Dentists offices are not sterile like operating theatres. I was always allowed to stay with my nervous child at the dentist. Why is this different?

I had an odd experience at the dentist many years ago.
I walked in and it was a new, young male dentist. (He was very attractive but that somehow made it worse).
He tilted the chair so far back that the top of my head was touching his chest (he was behind).
He was also poking around in my mouth with no gloves on.
There was no dental nurse.
It just felt really off. Never been in that position before or since.
I still go to the same practice but never encountered him again. I have a female dentist.
That aside, I wouldn't have your thought pattern OP, but if I did I wouldn't expect a refusal. My dentist goes out of her way to make patients comfortable.

I’m a nervous patient and my dentist has always suggested that I bring my husband into the room with me. There’s always a nurse there too. I don’t think your request was unreasonable.

I am not a dentist but generally for a medical procedure like sedation, they wouldn't want family members present. Giving any medication IV can rarely result in things like a significant medical reaction, and these things are quite stressful to manage, never mind with an audience (and in a relatively small room, which will be even more crowded as for a serious reaction, they would call for help, so other staff may be in there), plus can be unpleasant and distressing for non-trained people to witness. As a doctor, I've seen relatives grabbing the patient (so physically getting in the way of the staff trying to help), or shouting, screaming, or swearing at the staff, which adds an extra stress and cognitive load to the medical staff.

For the same reasons, when arriving at a medical emergency, we would usually ask family or friends to move out of the bay/cubicle space to give us room to work and be able to assess the patient properly when we arrive at a medical emergency call or cardiac arrest call. We can work with someone screaming at us, but we much more efficient when they aren't.

In some situations, such as a child, someone with learning difficulties or a diagnosis of significant anxiety or neurodiversity (and many others) then the patient may request support from another adult, but in your case it's just that you don't trust men.

Given that one of the well documented side effects of IV sedation can be disinhibition, and memory loss/false memory (in particular sexual fantasies), any healthcare professional giving IV sedation would expect to have a chaperone there to protect them as well as the patient - even if a female HCP and a female patient.

Essentially you've just told your dentist that you don't trust him not to fiddle with you while you're under sedation, and you are surprised that he feels a bit off with you?

My final comment would be that you might say something disinhibited while under sedation that you might be embarassed about (I've heard a woman make a comment about anal sex ), the HCP will have heard it all, but you might not wish your husband to have heard this.

I asked for a chaperone when a male GP wanted to look at my c section wound at mine and DS's six week check up. I didn't think he was going to do anything, I just felt more comfortable having another woman in the room, as up to that point I'd only had other women looking at it.

I've been sedated several times at my dentist. There is always a dental nurse and you need someone there with you to escort you home safely. The dental surgery has always requested that. And each time, I was awake and aware what was going on. It just made me relaxed and the procedure pain free.

They'll be a nurse there, as others have said. However, it's not an unreasonable request and he probably shouldn't have refused.

In the past, when I've had sedation at the dentist, I work up when something untoward happened (cotton wool fell down my throat, I was choking). I don't think with sedation you're completely out of it, that's why it's called conscious sedation sometimes. You don't remember much of what happened afterwards because that's how the drug they give you works (thankfully).

Agreed

For those saying the dentist wouldn’t be upset at the question, he shouldn’t be.

Any reasonable man should understand a woman’s concern at being sedated and vulnerable.

Any man who objects to a woman asking for safeguards is a risk.

Surely there would be a dental nurse there too?

Would DH be able to go into theatre if you are being sedated for an endoscopy/colonoscopy or any other procedure requiring sedation? What's the difference?

I'm embarrassed for you, you know a dental nurse/ assistant will be there.

There should be a nurse there but I’ve taken my dad in with me. He sat in the corner doing a crossword!

I mean I sat in on my mum having her tooth pulled at an NHS dental hospital. But she wasn't sedated.

I guess if the implications is you think the dentist might SA you then I could see they might be a bit surprised.

There are no major dental procedures that happen without at least one nurse in the room. And I've only ever seen female dental nurses. If that's any comfort.

I think you've watched too much Handmaid's Tale. I do get it though. It's reasonable to ask for someone to be present I think. I'm sure they'll have a nurse assisting regardless. The only reason they'll say no is because your husband might get in the way.

My dental appointment was cancelled at the last minute last week, because the dental nurse had gone home sick. They will not treat you without a nurse present.

I have gone in with my sister as she has quite severe anxiety around dental work and it wasn't even questioned. Our dad has also accompanied her.

Is it just in the normal treatment room that you are getting the procedure done or is it an actual operating theatre?

My husband accompanied me once to get me through a rough patch as I had become an extremely nervous patient and the dentist understood this would help me overcome my fears, which it did. But if trust is an issue because you’ll be sedated, I think you either need to change dentist or have a bit of a rethink because as others have said, you have a dental nurse present.

Not weird at all I go into the dentist every time with my husband as he’s autistic and struggles with communication and he’s never asked him if I could be present in the room nor has it ever been questioned.

the only way I can see the dentist being a bit taken a back is if you said you don’t trust him whilst you’re sedated.

I doubt it’s anything you said. I think it’s probably normal not to allow non-HCPs to remain in the room during a sedation procedure. Both my 15yo dc and I have had a tooth extracted under sedation, and in neither case was a family adult allowed to stay in the room during the procedure.

You will never be left alone while sedated. There will be at least three people with you during the procedure: the dentist, the anaesthetist and the dental nurse.

You like and trust your dentist, yet pretty much told him that you don’t trust him not to rape you while you are sedated, so want your husband there supervising him while he carries out your dental work.

yeah, I can understand why he was off with you.

You wouldn’t be alone anyway, he would have a dental nurse assisting him.

Sounds like you need to change to a woman dentist. I'd be surprised if the dental nurse wasn't there - to protect you both.