To feel upset I’m no better off after personal stylist?

@Annie2163 from your description, your body shape is what used to be referred to as an "apple" shape.

What size bust are you if you don't mind me asking? Also skin tone, hair and eye colour?

To add. 12 top and 14 bottom is not large! Your husband can get in the fucking bin!

For dresses, search for a-line, empire line (if your bust is not huge) or wrap style dresses which all support disguising your midriff

The trick is to try to balance the shape, so for tops and trousers v necks tighter round the bust and looser round the middle, boot- cut jeans or tailored trousers and a single-breasted suit jacket.

Sounds like you have a few issues to deal with, like your unsupportive dh who thinks all childcare falls on you.

First off, don’t miss your clothing return window, take it all back (except anything you really love).

I had an appointment at John Lewis and felt the stylist didn’t really listen to what I was saying, for example I’d said I wanted to look younger and on trend and she kept pushing some trainers with zips that looked like something my mum would wear. There were also items that just did not suit me at all but she was convinced it did like a coat that absolutely swamped me.

The only thing I came away with was a properly measured new bra though as she pointed out I had a poorly-fitting one which was having a negative impact on how my outfits looked generally.

That just sounds like she hustled you into buying loads of expensive clothes you hate! Useless.

I loved being a stylist. You have to listen as well as guide though. And as I wasn't selling clothes I didn't try and upsell anything.

Return the things you don’t like. You’re not obliged to bow to the ‘experts’ and it’s very subjective! Problem with the department store stylists is that they are selling what’s in store - meaning what is ‘current’ now and often quite trendy (although they’ll tell you it’s timeless.) rather than thinking about the individual items I think it’s better to look at defining your overall style identity so you can have a ‘look’ (that you like and feel inspired by!) rather than just items you wear as some sort of perceived ‘stylish’ uniform.
I used to work as a stylist, if you’d like some friendly (free!) help drop me a dm. Xox

Have you tried a fit and flare dress? They cover your tummy area and can be really flattering. Monsoon have some in the sale at the min, think theyre £70, and really lovely.

Your post seemed to imply that even if she had just tried on the clothes (which is all OP had stated she had done) she wouldn't be able to return. Which is wrong.

I gave my advice to the OP.

Oh for goodness sake. Does the way I express myself matter so much? I'm not submitting a creative writing piece for assessment.
The OP will know whether what I've said is relevant or not, and I was posting to try to be of some use to her. How I sound to you isn't important on her thread. Maybe focus on the question we were asked and the person who asked it.

I have found the best styling advice has come from small independent boutique type shops. The one I went to the owner, who was a 50 year old woman, was used to buying for each season and was incredibly stylish herself. She listened to me, gently challenged me and I came away with things I still wear years later. Do you have any good independent boutique type shops near you @Annie2163 ?

I also agree with a PP who mentioned following someone on Instagram who has a similar figure and puts looks together on a daily basis. I follow backofthewardrobe70 as she has a similar shape to me but there are lots of others.

Op you sound very similar to myself body wise, i am constantly trying to cover my stomach area as i also look 6 months pregnant most of the time, but arms/legs/face im slim, i don’t really have a style but in summer months when i can hide my stomach with baggy hoodies i try to go for anything that doesn’t have a waist band- dresses that flow from under the boobs, playsuits and jumpsuits that also hang from the boob area so it just sort of skims my stomach.

Awwww what a disappointment. Absolutely rerun the things you don’t like. I’d return the 190 dress as I bet there are other styles for much less.

Come on over to Style and Beauty and list your size, any budget, all the stuff you just posted here (maybe a link to the dress you do like) and the lovely supportive enablers will find you some fab stuff!

Your post also sounded odd to me. OP said she had tried the clothes on and the clothes were bought for events so doubtful she has been wearing them out and about. I've never had a problem returning clothes to a large department store, I really doubt this will be an issue for OP.

OP why are you with your husband? What is he bringing to your life. He sounds awful and I imagine your self esteem would improve massively if you ditched him.

I find all these personal stylists are just a load of rubbish. They will only sell you what they have in the store. And a good stylist will first determine your body shape. And color analysis!
pointless buying clothing if you don’t know what shape or color palette suits you.

First of all please don’t hide yourself away ❤️ Most people are far more focused on themselves than analysing someone else’s body.

Spanx, Skims and the M&S shapewear range are genuinely great if you want a bit more confidence/smoothing under dresses and tailored trousers. Ruched dresses/tops are also SO flattering around the stomach area and usually make people feel way more comfortable.

Body shape wise, save this chart and see which one you feel closest to, then people can suggest cuts/styles that work really well for that shape.”

Also if you’re comfortable sharing, your skin tone, hair colour and eye colour can help people suggest colours that will really suit you too.

On the confidence/weight side, try not to fall into fad diets. If you search a macro calculator online, put your height/weight in and always select low activity to start with. Then pair that with increasing steps slowly week by week. It honestly makes a massive difference physically and mentally without becoming overwhelming. Even a 15–30 minute walk outside every day can really help mood, bloating and energy levels. Drinking plenty of water helps too.

But ultimately you deserve to go to events and enjoy yourself now, not only once you’ve changed your body ❤️

Return the clothes and email the store with what you've said here. Not as a complaint, but as feedback on your experience.

That she didn't listen to what you wanted.

That she dismissed what you said you wanted to avoid.

That you didn't feel she met your needs at all.

Do please take them all back asap, OP. And if I were you, I’d say something to the management about how disappointed you were with the service. I dare say MN style and beauty boards will prove a lot more helpful!

I did once use a JL personal shopper - needed a dress for a DD’s fairly casual-event wedding. My brief was. Nothing too dressy, fussy, or girly, certainly nothing typically MOTB the day was likely to be hot (in France), sleeves at least elbow length (I was already 67) nothing above the knee, no sweaty synthetic materials.

She came up with precisely nothing, but it wasn’t her fault - there was nothing suitable in the shop - but masses if I’d still been 35 and a size 10-12!

In the end I found something (expensive) online.

I

OP you sound like a lovely woman. Please don't be too harsh on yourself, be so to your husband. It sounds he deserves all the criticism and loathing.

Your body has been through a lot. Carrying pregnancies and birthing them weakens your abdominal and pelvic muscles. If it's an issue for you, try some workout videos on YouTube targeting that area to make your muscles stronger and better able to hold in your stomach.

I have a similar body type, there are a few people on Instagram who show you how to dress when you have a "mum tum". Please have a look

I find floaty dresses with an A line cut or wrap dresses suit me well.

Darker more structured high waist trousers and a lighter coloured top also work. I avoid slim line trousers as they emphasize that area.

Please be kind to yourself. Your husband clearly won't. Return the clothes that don't suit, (potentially the husband too)

Please consider speaking to your GP about your self esteem or read some self help books or find something you enjoy. When you feel strong enough, have a chat with your husband about how he makes you feel. Ask for couples therapy if you want to work on your marriage. Life is too short to be put down constantly.

John Lewis will definitely accept returns. I returned some clothes (also bought during a personal shopper experience). Personal shopping is a bit of pot luck. I've used them twice - first time brilliant, second time not so much. Also went with my DD to one for her and the guy was completely fabulous.

As for your DH, Op, he's not helping is he?

You say you have mental health issues. Do you take any medication for that? Have you had therapy?

Your DH isn't helping. Maybe tell him after 4 kids he's let himself go and you're disappointed in him. See how he likes it.

Unfortunately a lot of style is self confidence. Until you feel better about yourself as a person it won't really matter as much what you wear.

But look up clothes for apple body shape, I've been fighting it for a while but finally just accepted it and am much happier with how I look!

I had a poor experience with JL too. I was very excited about being helped to chose a beautiful outfit for a fairly casual lunch with old school friends I hadn’t seen for years. This stylist was also very young and took one look at me and selected a load of very formal things that were the type of stuff you might wear to a professional conference! Don’t worry about it they don’t always get it right.

My friend had the same experience at John Lewis. She was looking for a dress for her daughter's wedding and was pushed to buy the most awful, frumpy thing that made her look fat. Honestly, it was almost funny how terrible she looked and she is gorgeous.

Can I push you in the direction of Ghost? I'm the same size as you and I really suit their tea dresses.

I feel for you OP. It’s a disappointing feeling when you rely on someone’s expertise and then they don’t have the skills you expected.

Like a PP, I have doubts about you returning the clothes but it’s worth a try if perhaps you explain how you came to buy them.

My interest is in the fact that you bought them at all. Did you have doubts at the time or was it when you got home and tried them on? I wonder if you didn’t feel able to say to the stylist that you didn’t like them, or felt that you ought to buy something?

I have really struggled to find my style. What worked for me was finding an influencer on tik tok who has a similar body type to me and whose style I liked, and worked for my needs.

its also affordable stuff.

it sounds like your stylist wasn’t very good at her job. I’m sorry it was so disappointing.

I think you should be a lot kinder to yourself. I’m assuming you had a John Lewis type appointment? In which case, all you’re really getting is the help/opinion of someone whose job is to shift clothes. Nothing wrong with that - in some ways, it’s good to try things that others think look nice that you wouldn’t normally consider. But it’s not like consulting the oracle! It’s just someone else’s opinion and, ultimately, as the person wearing the clothes, yours is more important.

My experience of this was someone trying to persuade me to buy a lot of bright colours and patterns. I prefer a lot of black and navy. She told me it didn’t suit me - but I disagree. I feel much better and more confident in monochrome tones and plain colours. And that’s up to me.

Take the clothes back. Maybe your sister or a friend would come with you one afternoon? I’m sure you could find something you liked better and felt more confident in.

Think you may like these based on your criteria for your events:

https://www.whistles.com/product/gathered-midi-dress-40822.html

https://www.marksandspencer.com/pure-cotton-pleated-midi-waisted-tea-dress/p/clp60778517?intid=mobile_app_pdp_share

https://www.phase-eight.com/product/francesca-floral-v-neck-midi-dress-100033900024.html