To feel upset I’m no better off after personal stylist?

OP you are probably depressed because your husband is such a twat to you.

I’m really sorry OP, but I think the issue here goes far beyond what any personal stylist could do. Your husband is the one destroying your confidence.
I went through a long period of not feeling like myself at all after weight gain, completely stopped doing anything for myself really, but DP has been key to helping me get back on my feet, I probably wouldn’t have dared to wear half the things I wear now if he wasn’t by my side.

I never booked a personal stylist but even in stores like John Lewis etc I think it’s key to have one that matches your vibe. For example in my case no way in hell I’d be wearing cream or beige, I find them dreadful on me.
I would also look online for influencers etc with a similar shape to yours to help you gauge what you’re looking for and what suits you.

Your DH doesn’t sound as if he’s particularly nice to you, I’d save yourself the stress of going to his lunch and just not go. Why should you go - he puts you down, he doesn’t do his fair share of caring for his children, etc. Stay home and relax.

Could you just reframe OP?
Everyone has got body issues, partly because the ideal of perfection is so different for everyone. Meaning actually it’s a pointless ideal if it’s judged by the validation of other people. It’s just a (pretty negative) impossible to meet standard, an ideal doesn’t even really exist in human form. Add to that, that pretty much everyone has their own body issues in their own head, that come from their own insecurities, and which often relate to things others don’t even see.

I have felt not ‘myself’ in a body that I recognise any more after pregnancy but now I just think fuck it. Childbirth and changing weight is just part of life. Nobody worth anything is judging you (and sorry to say that includes your DH). He sounds mean and is I am going to guess he is not constantly working o his own body or of a perfect model look himself? So why should you be?

The truth is most normal people are very busy dealing with their own shit on multiple levels in this difficult time in the world, so most people really don’t have the attention to scrutinise how everyone else is looking. Genuinely. They just don’t care. And that’s fine. So just don’t worry about it. Go to your event, chat to people and have fun, get to know some new people.

And if it helps- maybe think through in advance, what’s the worst that can happen? Some idiot maybe thinks ‘oh maybe she’s pregnant’. So what, really?
You can have a few lines in the back of your mind for ways to say, thanks, you just have a normal post birth body, if they are wierd enough to ask you about it directly which lost people wouldn’t do.

So don’t limit yourself or stress yourself out, or spend lots of money that you might not have on this. Your physical health and mental health is the most important thing to worry about here. If you focus on that instead, hopefully you’ll feel a lot better soon.

Hi OP, I’d return the clothes. I think as we get older we definitely need to dress for our shape. I’d even be tempted to upload a photo to ChatGPT and ask what body shape you are and what shape and style clothes would suit you. I asked it to do my colours recently and it was really good with visuals etc I saved to help shop for new makeup and clothes.

Also, you DH sounds unkind and exacerbating your low confidence.

@Annie2163 definitely return the clothes - i bought a ton from Reiss ages ago for work and i felt like i was definitely too big for them all and the stylist just got it very wrong/was trying to make her commission. I didnt wear any of the stuff and eventually went to charit. However when i was pregnant ages ago, i did one with Topshop and it was fab and i never looked better!

I cant think of a store id love now though.....cant you just buy tons and do a trial and error thing?

Was it John Lewis? I did that too and came out with some rubbish clothes and frustrated I'd bothered. I find clothes so difficult and thought I'd finally found the solution so it was very demoralising.

My confidence was rock bottom as I was stress eating. I've been on wegovy for a year now and have never been happier with my body and health. It's not just the weight loss - it's the mindset shift, my compulsive desires (for food, alcohol, nicotine etc) reduced and it's made me much calmer. You could go on an online private pharmacy and have a look.

This doesn't surprise me ...

It sounds like this comes down to an inexperienced stylist, from a very different generation, meaning well but missing the mark.

As someone who holds weight on their tum and has spent my whole life covering it up, I marvel at the younger generation who often seem happy to just let it all hang out.

The stylist probably had good intentions in terms of encouraging you to feel confident and not focus on things but she clearly didn't understand the current weight of your insecurities or how hard it would be for you to overlook things.

If you can return the pieces, do.

Then I think you need to speak to good friends and family and ask for help in ascertaining what your GOOD features are and focus on them.

You say you are smaller up top? Then A-line dresses would suit. Or dresses that are tighter up top then flow outwards.

If you want to experiment with different styles and shapes, go thrifting. Try new things at home and get a feel for what you like and what suits you. Return what you don't like and feel good about not overspending and giving back to charity.

There are LOTS of SM pages with stylists giving tips and tricks for different body shapes.

I know that voice in your head is heavy right now, and not helped by your DH being a dick, but you need to give yourself credit for booking the stylist in the first place and trying new things.

Did it work out 100% great? No, BUT you did it, you like one of the pieces and hopefully you learned something you can take forward.

The vipers are great at helping out with clothes and finding nice pieces.

I'm sure we can have you sorted for those upcoming events.x.

The main thing with any stylist is to tell them up front
"I will not be buying today"
Get them to photograph you in the clothes they suggest
Go home
Thunk about them, maybe show friends
Buy only the ones you decide you like

At least being an in-store stylist you didn't have to pay for their services
Imagine how upset/angry you'd be if you'd wasted money on a paid stylist!

If you feel judged as a size 12/14 then God help the rest of us over that size.

Don’t you think it’s all in your head? And the power to regain confidence is also in your head? Perhaps some sort of therapy to understand why you feel like this and help you overcome your negative feelings about yourself.

Does your DH work away, or long hours? I'm just wondering why he doesn't look after the children?
Ask him to again and go somewhere like a good shopping centre or city centre and try things on. Think about what makes you feel good, and which colours cheer you up.
As I said, I had a terrible experience with a personal shopper, so you're not alone!

I have no family or friends here to look after the kids so this was such a treat for me

Off load the stuff ASAP. That will be a weight off. Cut down on those social events and plan an exit strategy.

Something might catch your eye in the store when you return the items...might get lucky.

What a shame. It sounds like a combination of the wrong stylist and a lot of explanations on your behalf, which is understandable.i world return all of it so you don't have the sad association with the dress. It sounds like you're maybe stuck in a loop of comfort eating and feeling judged by your husband. He needs to be more supportive and encouraging and maybe you could do little things to feel more positive and move forwards. The stylist doesn't sound very good and that's rubbish but it does sound like you have some issues that might take more than the right dress to fix.
Give yourself a break, you've had two children, your body has done what it's supposed, tummy's grow to accommodate babies, try and be kind to yourself.

It's so awful, it's laughable.
@Annie2163 Where are you up to with help for the depression?

I feel your pain. I had a personal stylist at John Lewis once - never again. I explained about what I wanted and she brought me these awful baggy beige items. She also brought me the ugliest pair of shoes I've ever seen. Just awful. Absolutely no idea. I felt that she was just thought because I was older I would be drawn to terrible stuff! Waste of time.

What a sensitive, helpful, understanding, constructive and supportive response.

NOT.

OP, at the size etc you say you are, I bet that objectively you look great - if not exactly the same as your pre-children self. My body definitely changed shape, even though my weight was the same or less.

I'm so sorry this treat didn't deliver. It does sound as though (sorry to be ageist) you could have done with a more experienced person. This lady sounds as though she was trotting out cliches she'd been trained to say and not listening hard enough to what you were saying - which is what personal stylists are supposed to prioritise.

I'm not one for spiteful reviews, but I would give a bit of feedback to the store and say that you didn't feel listened to - and possibly a bit rushed into things???

Return the things you're not happy with. I hope you will try and go to the event that's coming up. I know it's no use me, a random on MN, saying that I bet you'll look lovely, but if you have a dress which you ARE happy with, you most probab ly will.

Take your time to choose better things - I don't know what your preferences are but, if you've got a good budget to spend you should definitely not be rushed into decisions.

Good luck!

I would recommend looking at style me happy and joining here Facebook page. She does colour and body analysis for fairly low cost and it's really helped me. The Facebook page is great for people helping you with suggestions.

Return them.

I've had a stylist twice. First time (Fenwicks) the stylist was great and I still wear some of the items (it was 20 years ago). She had a huge rack of fabulous clothes ready, all in my size. Then she took me round the store and pulled clothes for me to try on. Second time (John Lewis) was awful. It was a slim young lady stylist, who's idea of 'style' for me was grey, frumpy old lady stuff. I may be old, but I am definitely NOT frumpy or grey!

As someone who has had their own image consultation business for over 10 years, I can tell you that the stylists in department stores tend to pick things that are 'stylish' from the store rather than someone who has a proper understanding of body type, colouring and personal style.
From what you are saying, if you are carrying a lot of weight on your stomach usually you will have slim legs. So, show off your legs. Choose a colour that suits you and pick a dress that doesn't wrap tightly or draw attention to the waist. Some dresses that wrap at the waist can suit but that depends totally on how your waist length and weight distribution is.
Look for something that has a vertical pattern so it will elongate the waist.
Google apple shape because that is what sounds closest to you and you'll get loads of options that you can go have a try on. Best of luck to you!

Wow you have a lot going on! Be kind to yourself as you are doing amazingly well juggling all those plates.

I had a poor experience with what was supposed to be a luxury product and I felt deflated and ripped off. Please return everything and try ordering several outfits from a website which allows easy returns so you can try when you get a minute to yourself (?!). You have good grounds under the Consumer Rights Act 2015. You paid for a service and were miss-sold.

My tummy is also the area I prefer to hide and floaty summer print dress with a matching longline top work for me. For more casual it’s elasticised trousers with a longline skimming top.

Sorry your husband is not supportive 😢

If these stylists are on commission, especially to shift some styles that aren't selling on the shop floor, then there's a chance they are dressing you for their commission and to push that unsold stock, not to make you look good. And yes, feeling obligated to buy because they have spent lots of time pushing crap on with you is par for the course, even when you have actually paid for the service.

I have a friend whose experience was similar to yours, she was given a session with a stylist at a well known department store as a gift and had a horrible time.
She is middle aged and a very standard size and weight but this stylist was very critical and superior and upset her terribly.
She felt he only wanted to deal with size 10 twenty-somethings. She did not like his choices much but felt intimidated and pressured into buying things. She did complain about him later and I think returned some items.
Someone was clearly in the wrong job!