To feel upset I’m no better off after personal stylist?

Return the items and go on line for free advice from Melissa Murrell. www.mmpersonalstyling.co.uk/

Another one chiming in to say you've got a DH problem, not a wardrobe problem.

OP you sound completely lovely and very down on yourself. No wonder, given how your 'D'H is eroding your self-esteem...

The dresses are the least of your problems, @Annie2163 - let’s recap…

• you have borne 4 children
• you’ve gained a bit of weight
• your husband is both uncaring and useless
• you work full time
• and yet you shoulder all childcare responsibilities
• plus probably most household tasks + mental load as well
• not surprisingly, you have lost confidence, and you feel anxious and depressed
• the weight of all the above has crushed your confidence and self esteem
• and now the weight of all the events you have to attend has become unbearable
• you pinned your hope on this ‘stylist’ to make you look good - or at least good enough for your (expletive deleted) husband to give you a break

This is a long-term project. For the moment, let the lovely MN style gurus help you find one or two dresses that will carry you through the events. But after that, can you focus on your own best interests…

• get counselling
• read The Six Pillars of Self Esteem
• find a way of healthy eating that works for you - Michael Moseley’s The Fast 800 is a good place to start
• try to find 20-30 minutes a day to exercise; check out Lucy Wyndham Read, Yoga with Kassandra, Growingannanas…… there are many excellent trainers on YouTube but I feel that these might work for you

Sounds like it might be wise to post on the relationship board at some point too.

No wonder your self esteem is low if your husband isn’t nice to you and compares you to other women (and I’m guessing, not only regarding your confidence, right?)

The young girl was inexperienced and honestly, apathetic so she picked the wrong dresses. And as a result you feel exposed, upset, uncomfortable and seen in the worst light.

Can the same be said about you… regarding your husband? Is apathy causing you to stay with a man who makes you feel the same way as those unflattering clothes do?

It might not just be the clothes that need to go.

How can you rebuild your self esteem if the closest person to you doesn’t want you to? And he might say that he does, but, do his actions match that?
And why are you trying to look good to win over someone who, isn’t even nice to you? I understand a wife wanting to look nice for her husband but.., this sounds more like a songbird in a cage, preening its feathers to placate its jailer. Hoping that it might make them a kinder captor.

Now maybe I’m being harsh. Maybe he’s not really that bad. But the bare minimum I’d want a partner to be is ‘nice to me’.

May I suggest a tailor/ seamstress rather than a personal stylist.

Pick some things you like, and take them to a tailor to have them properly fitted to your body.

You will feel much better than getting recommendations from someone who really doesn't know you or your style and is ultimately just trying to sell you stuff.

Half the time the problem is the fitting - clothes from high street shops are very much a 'one shape fits all' but if you want it to actually fit, get it altered.

That stylist was not good at her job. She should have listened to you.

You are the same size as me but the opposite shape from me. There are clothes I'd love to wear but can't because I'd need your body shape to do so.

One is: above the knee swing or shift dresses. Here's a couple of examples.
I'd wear this to a summer party linen pleated hem Roman dress

This is more casual. Crazily cheap so worth getting just to see if the style does suit you. Matalan teal mini dress

You could also wear this sort of style from M&S - slightly more formal

Or more flamboyant: Phase Eight

Or boho (I love this) Nobody;s Child

Please return any item you are not happy with!

There are so many lovely and professional high-street stylist that can do a better job.
Check the socials of someone like Styled by Susie, she works online and face-to-face, and guide at any price range (including Vinted)

She's a lot on instagram, and you can see exactly what you get before you commit - she respects her clients personal style and lifestyle, not trying to make anyone a copy of herself.

A stylist should listen to you, and make you feel incredible. There's nothing wrong with you, you just had a very inexperienced stylist.

Totally agree. Ive seen some gorgeous suggestions on here 😍

I don’t think new clothes will make you feel more confident when your husband is constantly negging you. He also needs to look after his own kids as much as you do if you’re both full time.

I actually think Chat GPT might be better at suggesting stuff than this random stylist. You can add pics and tell it exactly what you want, fashion that you like and it can suggest colours that will suit you etc. At least there will be no hard sales-assistant selling and you can just return the items online.

I'd return the clothes - sounds like a crappy experience. I'd definitely feedback to the store.

Can you get to gym or to classes? As tempting as relaxing is I always feel like I've got more energy if I've moved my body and it helps keep my head clear. I'd rather spend my money on gym or getting a good haircut than on expensive clothes.

It also makes you wonder if they were a decent stylist, then they wouldn’t have to work in a department store. Like other posters have said, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they are paid commission by certain brands.

Return everything. You do not need to blow £190 on any dress to feel amazing. A £10 dress could do the same, save the money and post on the S&B board where you'll get some great advice.

Secondly, OP your husbands opinion is just his (arsehole) opinion and does not make it true. Your confidence and self esteem needs to come from within you, not assume his (arsehole) opinion is the opinion for everyone. You mention depression, what support are you seeking for it currently? Are you on medication?

Since having kids I've got a similar body style to you, I'm slim in most places, my waist is small but look pregnant all the time, if I eat anything my tummy balloons so I completely get it. I have bigger boobs so I usually wear maxi dresses.

Finally, there's nothing wrong with blowing your free time chilling watching TV. We all need downtime and it sounds like you don't get enough of it.

https://www.next.co.uk/style/su668651/314502

i have this dress. It is cotton and flares from just under the boobs so hides the tummy. I get compliments when I wear it. I’m not sure about a formal event but I’ve worn it for dressing up days/nights.

It’s like when I was gifted a book spa. I am 50 and very well read. I had some 22 year old clueless girl suggesting books. She had never even heard of Margaret Atwood! Never again.

Along with the useless husband!

Try lookeirio it's like a personal stylist but online and cheaper

Have you actually thought about what is going under your outfits? That can give you so much shapewise and smooth lumps and bumps

🤣

Nah get rid of both.

Return them and complain. Simple. You know what suits you. She didn't listen so didn't do her job properly.

he rarely looks after them

That's a much bigger issue than anything to do with clothes or your appearance.

Keep the clothes and return the husband

I’d recommend looking at style me happy online. They do colour and body shape analyses as well as a course about how to feel confident choosing clothes. They also have regular ‘mini shops’ with recommendations by colour and shape. They are brill and it has really helped my confidence to know for sure what suits me. I tried asking chat gpt for a colour analysis to see what it said and it gave the opposite of my style me happy analysis and made me look dead!

Completely agree with this. Would come to MN for style advice before anywhere else. Seen some great advice on here which I've sneakily copied to good effect. Plus also the all important honesty (usually very kindly given) which you won't get from anyone trying to sell you stuff.

OP I booked a slot at J Lewis for my friend with a stylist. It was awful and I felt guilty! So it’s not just you.

Your husband is a dick. And there are always ways to look good, whatever your size. I am an odd shape but know how to make the best of it! There is def an outfit out there for you x

Return all the clothes and feed back to the store OP. As an aside, Ive used Gemini (AI) to help me work out what clothes suit me best, including colours. And I always take a snap of myself in anything new I buy and ask the AI for feed back on style and fit before I decide whether to keep or send back. I also use an app called Indyx which is essentially a digital wardrobe of all my clothes. You can assemble outfits from them. I don’t pay for a stylist to do this. I do it myself. I now have a wardrobe full of clothes that fit me well and make me feel great.