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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to ask if you would judge

162 replies

PforPaprika · 28/05/2026 20:59

I know of a woman, she has 3 children to 3 different men, she has a new partner and was joking about having another one. Would you judge someone with 4 kids with 4 different men?

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 21:59

FrangipaniBlue · 28/05/2026 21:58

100% more!!

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Me too

Society doesnt but I do

The woman will at least be looking after the kids

DaringlyDizzy · 28/05/2026 21:59

Yes and as a PP said I also judge when its two different dads with a short age gap. I am divorced and want more kids so will have 2 baby daddies minimum if I manage to have more kids. However my son is upper primary age, I split with OH 6 years ago and have spent years perfecting co-parenting before I started dating again. I always use 2 forms of protection and wouldnt have a child with someone unless we were serious and already moving towards being a family!

Itjustnevergetsthere · 28/05/2026 21:59

Needmorelego · 28/05/2026 21:44

I wouldn't really care.
What effect would it have on my life (answer...none).
I'm more likely to be jealous because I only have one child and always wanted more.

As tax payers we're all indirectly affected due to there being no cap on child benefit, unless the parents are wealthy of course. No I wouldn't want to see any child in poverty because of feckless parents BTW.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 28/05/2026 21:58

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 21:56

Thats so sad

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I agree. Is it that they don't think it's 'proper' whatever that is (?) or that they feel insecure in terms of attachment to the man? Is it a way to hold on to him? That might be even worse, and smacks of poor self-esteem and having children instrumentally.

BlackRowan · 28/05/2026 21:58

Yes totally

FrangipaniBlue · 28/05/2026 21:58

agggtm · 28/05/2026 21:35

Would people judge a man who had 4 kids to 4 different women-
the same
less
more

100% more!!

Ponderingwindow · 28/05/2026 21:56

Two different fathers is already a distinct choice, but seems manageable and still capable of being child centered. Three, I absolutely have no qualms about judging. Four is ludicrous.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 21:56

PforPaprika · 28/05/2026 21:33

Because a lot of people don’t see a relationship as “proper” unless they have a child

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Thats so sad

Backedoffhackedoff · 28/05/2026 21:54

Not really, I mean what would be the point? Life is long and we all have different experiences. It doesn’t impact me

I would’ve when I was younger though

whiteboard · 28/05/2026 21:53

Yes I would. I know several people in this situation and it’s an incredibly difficult dynamic having different dads parenting different children. I know one family where dad number one is hugely involved in his daughters life. Dad number two is largely absent and has been since his DD was small. Dad number three is erratic, lovebombing sometimes and then disappears for months on end. The siblings have no easy relationship each other because there is such disconnect within the home setup.
I am no prude. But I do think the children were the last ones to be considered every time the mum became pregnant.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 28/05/2026 21:48

BudgetBuster · 28/05/2026 21:41

Have you heard of contraception?

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Your'e going to get slapped down..

This is MN where men using condoms while shagging a women that's on contraception has a high failure rate.

Needmorelego · 28/05/2026 21:44

I wouldn't really care.
What effect would it have on my life (answer...none).
I'm more likely to be jealous because I only have one child and always wanted more.

Fortysevenpl · 28/05/2026 21:44

Depends. If she is rich and can take care of all these kids without state help, then crack on. If not, well yes I’ll judge.

SallyAnnDrivesACar · 28/05/2026 21:43

Yes I would and I would judge a man who has had 3 children with 3 different women the same... actually a little more harshly. It would be private judging though.

Simonjt · 28/05/2026 21:42

BudgetBuster · 28/05/2026 21:41

Have you heard of contraception?

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Yes, and there people who genuinely think contraception works 100% of the time?

emuloc · 28/05/2026 21:41

I might idly wonder what had happened regarding the relationships, but any judgement of mine, would make no difference to the situation.

Goldenboysmum · 28/05/2026 21:41

Depends what the circumstances are.

I know someone, married had 2, got divorced. Met someone else together 6/7 years later then split when she was pregnant. Eventually met someone else maybe 5 years later, got married had another one, been married around 18 years now, so no I wouldn't judge her.

Someone having children quickly with every man, maybe I would judge

BudgetBuster · 28/05/2026 21:41

Simonjt · 28/05/2026 21:37

Well straight people having sex can lead to pregnancy, so surely it isn’t really any different to just having sex with three different people without becoming pregnant.

Have you heard of contraception?

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/05/2026 21:40

No. I would be more likely to judge someone for wanting four children than to worry about the parentage of the ones she has.

As long as she can support them and isn’t palming them off on no mark men its none of my business.

abracadabra1980 · 28/05/2026 21:37

Yes, I judge lots of situations, as I believe most people do however only some admit to it. We are human beings, inquisitive about others, curiosity is perfectly normal as is our right to have an opinion, hence a judgement.

Simonjt · 28/05/2026 21:37

Well straight people having sex can lead to pregnancy, so surely it isn’t really any different to just having sex with three different people without becoming pregnant.

Decacaffeinatednow · 28/05/2026 21:36

I would pity the children.

BudgetBuster · 28/05/2026 21:35

Yes I would judge. And likewise a father with 3 kids from 3 relationships would also be judged. I'd wonder if that parent missed sex ed class.

I won't lie, I even judge people with kids who have 2 different fathers depending on the age gap. If it's a small age gap, I'd question why they felt the need to have another child with a different person so soon. It's tough on kids. And I say this as a stepmother so my husband has multiple kids with 2 women.

I think most people would inherently judge, even subconsciously.

agggtm · 28/05/2026 21:35

Would people judge a man who had 4 kids to 4 different women-
the same
less
more

Shatteredallthetimelately · 28/05/2026 21:34

I remember back when my DC were at primary school over 30 years ago a one mum was a bit surprised both my DC had the same dad. She had 3 by 3 different men then. Many had 2 by 2 different men, 30 years later its pretty much standard for some to have multiple kids with different people.