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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to ask if you would judge

162 replies

PforPaprika · 28/05/2026 20:59

I know of a woman, she has 3 children to 3 different men, she has a new partner and was joking about having another one. Would you judge someone with 4 kids with 4 different men?

OP posts:
KojaksLollipop · 28/05/2026 22:20

agggtm · 28/05/2026 21:35

Would people judge a man who had 4 kids to 4 different women-
the same
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I would judge the man more, at least the women stick around to raise them (not ally).

Waitingfordoggo · 28/05/2026 22:20

I do privately judge a bit, yes. I don’t think it’s great for the kids to have lots of different men coming in and out of their lives like that. 😕

CotswoldsCamilla · 28/05/2026 22:19

PforPaprika · 28/05/2026 20:59

I know of a woman, she has 3 children to 3 different men, she has a new partner and was joking about having another one. Would you judge someone with 4 kids with 4 different men?

I’d inwardly judge yes. I then wouldn’t think more of it unless it came to my attention that they were social welfare scroungers then I’d definitely judge.

shhblackbag · 28/05/2026 22:18

I'd wonder why and be very happy it's not my life.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 22:17

Omggg op, is this about you?

Sorry if ive been rude, not intending to shame you, I just think having a 4th is so much!

suki1964 · 28/05/2026 22:17

I think its human nature to judge other people by your own standards, no matter how much you try not to

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 22:17

JellyTrees · 28/05/2026 22:15

I’d say well done to her for staying and raising three kids alone, but maybe have questions about the 3 dudes who left…….

Feels like it’s always mothers who get the worst of the judging. Choosing to start again with someone new, or walk away from a bad relationship, or have a second kid with a less than perfect partner, or not have more kids.

Edited

Me too, shes done well to raise them herself

Which begs why she'd want another with s new guy 😬

AutismPosts · 28/05/2026 22:17

Is this you OP?
Sorry but I would judge and think the person had made bad choices. It's non of my business and I would never say it outloud to anyone and I wouldn't gossip about it.
I'd just be wondering about the security and the message that sends to the children.

JellyTrees · 28/05/2026 22:15

I’d say well done to her for staying and raising three kids alone, but maybe have questions about the 3 dudes who left…….

Feels like it’s always mothers who get the worst of the judging. Choosing to start again with someone new, or walk away from a bad relationship, or have a second kid with a less than perfect partner, or not have more kids.

ToWhitToWhoo · 28/05/2026 22:14

I wouldn't judge her for that on its own, but I'm afraid I would judge her if she introduces each of them to her kids as their 'new Daddy'. I've known kids who are on their third 'Daddy' before they've started school, and I do think that's a great pity,

Maddy70 · 28/05/2026 22:14

Maybe however I try not to judge anyone but I probably would raise a silent eyebrow if I'm honest

Notabarbie · 28/05/2026 22:12

It would depend on a lot of other things. And even if I did quietly think it seemed more like accessorising than building a family, it wouldn't mean they weren't a loving parent.

Fortysevenpl · 28/05/2026 22:11

PforPaprika · 28/05/2026 22:09

She’s not on benefits.

Well then she can crack on

Needmorelego · 28/05/2026 22:10

Itjustnevergetsthere · 28/05/2026 21:59

As tax payers we're all indirectly affected due to there being no cap on child benefit, unless the parents are wealthy of course. No I wouldn't want to see any child in poverty because of feckless parents BTW.

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There's never been a cap on "child benefit" actually.

Original poster
PforPaprika · 28/05/2026 22:09

She’s not on benefits.

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 22:09

MyLimeGuide · 28/05/2026 22:07

Of course! But it mainly depends on whether this woman is in a stable financial position to raise these children, if she is minted and raising/supporting these kids then all good, if she is freeloading off taxpayers on benefits then she's a massive turd.

I dont care about the benefits 😫😫 - families are families and they need love and stability

But I just think with kid no. 4, unless youre wealthy anyway, its tough, even if youre a dual income household

SunnyRedSnail · 28/05/2026 22:07

3 failed relationships and 3 kids with 3 different dads?

The decent thing to so would be to accept she is crap at relationship and focus on the kids. Another baby with yet another dad would not be best for the 3 kids she already has.

MyLimeGuide · 28/05/2026 22:07

Of course! But it mainly depends on whether this woman is in a stable financial position to raise these children, if she is minted and raising/supporting these kids then all good, if she is freeloading off taxpayers on benefits then she's a massive turd.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 22:07

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 28/05/2026 21:58

I agree. Is it that they don't think it's 'proper' whatever that is (?) or that they feel insecure in terms of attachment to the man? Is it a way to hold on to him? That might be even worse, and smacks of poor self-esteem and having children instrumentally.

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Agree i dont know

With men, the child with the most liked mother gets treated better

Is this the same with mums? Do they favour one kid with the dad they loved the most? Its just something I cant understand

ManintheCity · 28/05/2026 22:05

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mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 22:05

Decacaffeinatednow · 28/05/2026 22:01

@mumofoneAloneandwell
Until she brings another man into their lives.

Honestly

I dont judge a woman for having had loads of kids, or having multiple kids by different men

But by no 4, its like?! And the man is never wealthy or super connected, bd no 4 is always a bum

Its the constant attempts at blending a family that gets to me. Kids need you sane and stable

Are you really being that when youre trying to find man no 4?

Savvysix1984 · 28/05/2026 22:04

Yes I would judge and question their ability to make good, rational decisions, therefore their ability to be a good parent. Would judge a man exactly the same.

Decacaffeinatednow · 28/05/2026 22:01

@mumofoneAloneandwell
Until she brings another man into their lives.

quintessentially166 · 28/05/2026 22:01

No, its her life what right have I or anyone else to judge it.

VeganSteakAndFries · 28/05/2026 22:01

agggtm · 28/05/2026 21:35

Would people judge a man who had 4 kids to 4 different women-
the same
less
more

My friend has a kid with someone who has 4 kids by 4 different women. I certainly judge him. He’s a prick.