Aibu to ask if you would judge

Children are not souvenirs. You don't need to collect one from every person you lay down with. It's utterly irresponsible and unstable for the children.

How does custody work? Are the siblings all in different places all the time? How does she schedule pickups? Where does she get the mental capacity to deal with 4 exes? How much energy does that leave for proper child-rearing?

She should take a pause on relationships too. Who are these idiots who keep impregnating her? They obviously spare no thought for their offspring either.

Bloody hell.

Would I judge a woman and not the men? No. Would I judge a woman who has had a lot of sex partners but not the men? No. Single parents get enough shit while the blokes normally get off with paying minimal or no maintenance. Why is it women who are always judged on the baby making process 🤔

Yeah I would initially. Wouldn’t stop me being friends with them though!

Yes I would, poor kids.

I would, but I wouldn't say anything to anyone. Especially not to the person concerned. It's none of my business (but yes, I would judge)

Context? Was she in serious relationship with any/all? Do any have a relationship with their child? How is she as a parent? Is she careless or (as you seem to suggest) does this ‘accidentally on purpose’? Yes I would judge.

Yes I would. I would think she loves men more than her own kids!

Yes. Children need a stable home life with consistent adults.

Same here.
It is of course a generalisation and I'm sure that women who can support themselves financially do this too but I think in most cases the state is picking up the tab.
Let's be real, how else can the average divorced working woman with a small child afford to do this?
In terms of time and money.

I know of a woman who had a 2-year-old child at the time she split with the husband, she doesn't work and a year later is pregnant by another man.

He's not even a hard-working, dependable, but maybe a bit boring ordinary guy who you could imagine being a good stepdad where you could argue well she made a good call, he's a charismatic loser who's never worked in his 35 years.

I'm sure it's an anchor baby as quelle surprise he was a fwb.
Though why she'd want to be anchored to this guy I don't know.
Clearly her lust clouded her judgement.
That's it really, lust clouding judgement.
Inability to think of consequences. The long-term.
Like have they never experienced lust before and realise that it wears off?
Incapable of learning through experience.

Yeah I'm sorry, I'm judging.
Pisses me off.
No f*ing way are those 2 kids going to have a good start in life with these two adults in the household.

That answered one of my questions. But the thinking behind that puzzles me when very soon the relationship turns out not to be proper enough to stay in. I know any relationship can break down, but these kind of relationships often seem to have a very quick turnover.

So I suppose I do judge, but I also wonder why a woman would want to have the hassle of coparenting with 4 different men, when one alone can often be a pain in the bum

I'm sorry that you feel your husband would judge you for choices your grandmother made. I think the problem is him not you. Is he generally narrow minded or do you feel you need to meet expectations he sets?

I've got six (grown up) kids so maybe I'd think you have something nobody needs?

Absolutely.

I've just realised that my SIL has 7 kids to 4 men. We are NC so it slipped my mind.

First was a teen pregnancy and the child's father has raised her completely. SIL had nothing to do with her upbringing at all and that DC is now a well functioning adult.

Next 2 were again raised by their father and are late teens. When they seperated they initially had shared custody until she met baby daddy no3. The courts then removed all her access rights.

Next 2 are with baby daddy 3 who was abusive and is in prison. Both kids were immediately taken into care from birth.

Final 2 are with her now husband. These are the only 2 kids she has been involved in raising (and they are still young) but social services heavily involved given her history.

I definitely judge her.

I don't see why you should be ashamed, especially so much so you can't even tell your husband.

Nobody on here is judging the descendents.

My divorced DGM later had 4 DC to 3 men (none were to who she she divorced), one of whom was a married man who she had 2 DC with. He also had DC with his DW. My DM never saw her DF (the married one) but he paid maintenance for both of them. This was early 1940’s onwards.

One of the DC was placed in a children’s home for about a year as DGM apparently couldn’t cope with the comments about his skin colour, which was different to their half-siblings. They all used to go and visit too. WTF.

The final DC’s DF was the man who became my DM step-father and brought her up.

All 4 siblings are all very fk-up about their backgrounds, despite DGM to all intents and purposes brought them up to be loved, taught manners, valued their education etc.

I am so ashamed though of my DGM choices that even DH doesn’t know the true extent of my family’s origins etc, and the majority comments on this thread just show that I am right to never tell anyone the truth.

How do you know how many people involved.

Thinking of it a workmate of mine had 3 kids by 3 fathers. She got pregnant young and the father vanished when he heard. Before giving birth she met the guy who was her husband. They were then married for 12 years and died in an accident ( she was still only 32 by this time) She married again at 35 and had another baby

But there weren't that many people involved. The girls dad never was and she was with her husband for years

I would. I’d wonder why she has kids without knowing the relationship is secure first. And why her relationships keep breaking down. I’d think she may be best concentrating on her existing children. You don’t have to make babies with every man you date!

Why would they be teased at school. ? I've never heard of this even in the case of "Benetton kids" of which there were a few.lically. ( that's when the mum had fathers of different colours so kids were a variety like in an old Benetton advert for you younger lot)

Yes, I don’t think it’s good for the kids. Too many people involved, too many complications, far too messy.

My niece's mother had three kids by all different dads and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Then she had my DN and it became very clear she is not a great person and an even worse mother. So now I'd probably secretly judge tbh.

Yes, I would. I also judge Paul Weller who has 8 children by 4 different women, Ulrika Johnson who has 4 by 4 diffrent men, and Rod Stewart who has 8 by 5 different women.

Tbf she married a couple of them, and the 5th baby is quite new and with her husband.

Baby 1 2002
Baby 2 2004
Messy relationships.

Married the next one
Baby 3 2010

Baby 4 2014

Married the next one
Baby 5 2023.

Compare to Hugh Grant who only has 2 women fathering his kids...

Sept 2011 baby 1 with T

Sept 2012 baby 2 with A
Dec 2012 baby 3 with T

Dec 2015 baby 4 with A
Jan 2018 baby 5 with A

I think he's far worse than her frankly!