To think children are kinder now than in the 80s/90s

I actually agree with you OP. Whenever I am out walking my dog and I pull him to my heel to move out of the way of cyclists, every young person always says thank you and is really polite. I walk past groups of kids out playing and when I was younger, many kids like that would shout abuse etc but I don’t come across this now. My Nextdoor neighbour’s 10 year old lad is lovely and really polite too. They were all sat out on the front gardens yesterday (him and his mates) just not being a nuisance at all and playing. It was lovely to see.

Thing with these stats is that these things are reported and logged much more accurately and often now.

Back in the 70s/80s/90s and probably even the 00s they weren’t logged at all. Even ten years ago there wouldn’t have been as accurate reporting. So it obviously appears to be rising but that’s not necessarily true. It’s just reported more. And spread all over the online media.

That’s not to say it doesn’t happen of course. School is an institution and institutions breed bullying sadly.

But I agree with others that generally kids are kinder today. They are far more inclusive and accepting of difference. They’re woke innit 😜

This.

Adults are much kinder to children now. Kids from poorer backgrounds were often publicly humiliated by teachers or school parents. Likewise kids from more MC families were teased sniggered at behind their back or laughed at to their face. There was a lot of 'stick to your own' mentality. I feel parents now are generally more kind and are very conscious of not excluding their kids classmates. This trickles down to younger kids and they learn to be more tolerant. I suspect what happens is teens break away from the parents and let their true colours out so bullying becomes online away from adults.

I'm fully aware that I only have a 2.5yo so he might turn into a little terror, but I'm always a bit surprised by MNrs relating that children that age don't share or take turns etc.

My son and his little pals will do something then hand it off without prompting after they've (often inaccurately) counted out their goes, or they'll force adults present to take their turns. My son shares out his favourite foods to everyone around him, whilst my sister still has marks from where she tried to take mine!

DD was bullied, mostly by exclusion, but also quite a lot of verbal digs. Even in lessons.
" girls dont play rugby"
"Real girls dont do that"
"Are you sure you arent a boy"
"Reading again?"
"Why are you always reading"
"Why are wearing boys clothes?" (Cargo shorts... she likes the pockets!)

Anything outside the accepted "norm".

At Secondary now... no one cares shes gay. But her non comformity bothers people still.
(And she still gets harassed because she wont date boys... even tbough they kniw she has a girlfriend... because apparently lesbians can date boys if they want to...)

They absolutely are not. Look at the bullying rates for ND children, racism, homophobia, transphobia, mysoginy etc. There is a reason MH and suicidal idealisation rates are so high in these groups.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdjpx7rnredo

I have mixed feelings on this. I think the 80s was a much crueller time but it had a better social cohesion. I think modern kindness can be very superficial but what was overt bullying has moved underground.

In general though there is far more tolerance of difference than there was in the past.

I feel like I'm in the twilight zone here. Both my kids have experienced bullying at school, they are not different from their peers and don't have any SEN. I think it's probably just putting on a front a lot of bullying now happens online instead because they think they can get away with it.

I also work in a high school and think children are much more disrespectful to staff and teachers then we where in the 80's and 90's. There is no way we would have got away with some of the behaviour I see now. And no there was no copral punishment when I was at school.

I agree OP.

I was at secondary school in the 90s and it was tough, you had to be exactly right to fit in and could get your head kicked for having the wrong pencil case. And I was at the "best" school in town, DH's was 10x worse

My kids have had a much more positive experience, it's okay to study and be different. They have experimented with styles and hobbies that I would never dared do.

I find they're much less critical of others too - I am completely embarrassed of myself as a teen when I look at them.

We still live in the same town so it's generation not geography.

Not really. It’s mostly performative, and bullying occurs instead online.

They, as a whole, seem to be much more inclusive and tolerant. One of my high schoolers is Autistic, in mainstream schooling, and pretty much never has any issues with other kids. She is ‘high functioning’, bright and confident though, so I don’t know if those traits influence how others view her. She would definitely stand out in certain ways that could incur bullying, but she’s never experienced anything more than a few stupid comments. It’s interesting.

This is so true for mine too - one of my boys is pretty academic and this is never a problem. I remember when I was at school one of my friends was super smart and one year won a prize for loads of subjects and was in tears because people were so mean to her about it.

Yes definitely. I saw this a week or so ago and could totally relate 😂😂

My kids are way nicer than I was at the same age.
Firstly they barely even comment on people’s appearance, sexual orientation etc, whether someone is gay or not is barely noteworthy.
There seems to be no meanness at all for being “different” - basic things like wearing glasses, being smart, being a bit chubby etc which would have been picked on at my school are again, barely commented on.
At my school if you made the slightest silly mistake it would be ripped on for ages, people were singled out for being “povvo” for having the wrong school bag etc, it was brutal.

Im sure there are some awful kids of course but in general they seem very relaxed and confident in themselves and way less trying to project an image of “cool”.

I have taught secondary for nearly 30 years and think the complete opposite! Children in my experience now have far less respect for each other than ever before.

I agree OP. I was bright at school and that was a problem. But my kids are bright and hard working and are not teased about it.

Totally agree.
And my lived experience of children today is very negative. I feel as though OP and some of the posters on this thread must live in a different world.

I agree with this

Kids in general are pretty accepting, I think a lot of mean behaviour in the past was learned from adults in their lives eg it’s ok to be racist, take the piss out of glasses etc. Parents today are less likely to do that & schools teach inclusivity so kids are less likely to see anything wrong with a different skin colour.

That said I still think kids have the capacity to be very mean

I think this is area dependent. We moved across country and one of the things that shocked me most is how unfriendly the children were (and the parents tbh).

God yes, I'm always astonished at how nice DC are with their friends. I take no credit, I didn't raise them to be like that, lol. There is a lot more mutual support than we had.

I expect they’re the same, but they do their bullying online where adults can’t see it

I’ve wondered about this too. I was obsessed with Malory Towers as a child and couldn’t wait to read the series with dd. She declined to go on after the first chapter because she felt so sorry for Gwen and her mum, feeling sad about parting for the first time, and thought Darrell and Janet were nasty bullies.

Having grown up in the 70s/80s it’s weird to be in a world now where so many of the very wrong things (being gay, pregnant out of wedlock, atheism, living in sin,) are completely acceptable and normal and what was considered evidence of poor character (addiction, neurodiversity, poverty) is treated with compassion instead of judgement.

It was like there was widespread gaslighting - and it was safest to just play along. There were so many social injustices that weren’t acknowledged and people who spoke up were pilloried, so you learned to figure out what the rules were and toe the line, do what teacher or the priest or your parents said was right, and don’t question (give lip/talk back) because there were physical consequences.

Enid Blyton made it clear that Gwen and her mother were to be despised and Janet and Darrell were much better people, and I was so conditioned to accept what I was told by authorities that I couldn’t have begun to question the authorial voice.

I was really shocked by DD’s reaction to the book. Then shocked that I hadn’t seen that myself. I think there’s been a huge shift in both parenting and wider social attitudes that allows children to think for themselves, question their world without fear of being smacked, and that has resulted in emotional intelligence.

Ds2 had a terrible time all through school and we had to pull him out for his own safety. This was nine years ago. I don't think things will have miraculously improved in this time. It's okay if you fit in, but kids are absolutely brutal if you're bright or stand out.