To think children are kinder now than in the 80s/90s

I largely agree with @Hatty65 and the PP who have taken her point further.

Research is showing that young children are genuinely kind, and my (limited) understanding is that Early Childhood Education is beginning to incorporate and use these results. That’s exciting.

But the kindness of young children isn’t nee, and education can only go so far. I think older children and teenagers today are more dependent on adult approval than in the past. Whilst there has been some genuine progress on inclusiveness, particularly around sexual orientation and, in some circles and to a lesser extent around disabilities, a lot of bullying has just gone underground.

I don’t know that the feelings motivating the bullying are worse than in the past, but tech has made some of the outcomes much worse.

I think more kids have just learnt to weaponize it - they aren't doing what I want so I'll get them in trouble saying they are bullying me.

DD2 kept distance from a friend/peer when they started bullying people over pronouns - they came out trans and were in care - because even they were getting confused with pronouns constantly swapping and it became a way of lashing out at other kids. DD2 was one of few still interacting with the child at the end of Y11 mainly because she took a step back seeing how it was going - she was polite but distant.

DN was socially isolated by another kid because everytime she went to play with someone else that child moaned to staff she was being bullied and excluded and that child was a problem for staff at times - other child mother was delighted she had a friend and enrolled her into everything DN did to point DN refused to do anything. It got sorted as DN parents managed for once to put on a united front and go into school and say DN was being bullied by this child - there was more awareness after that but only really stopped when they were in different classes.

@JillThePlantKiller Indeed, “question their world without fear of being smacked”. Before, children who dared to question things were punished for “answering back”.

In some ways yes, in some ways it’s just different. Not better. Not worse. Just different.

I wonder if the definition of bullying has changed. To give an example, a family members kid was accused of bullying recently, along with about half the class, primary school. The incidents were things like saying during a soccer match 'are you stupid she is over there', apparently the girl said she was humiliated and called stupid. Someone said 'why did you snitch' and that was reported as another incident. Kids that sat in a group chatting were accused of excluding because they didn't invite her in, the list goes on. None of this is anything other than normal life and this girl is highly sensitive and instead of learning to cope with life she is constantly accusing everyone and the school have to take it seriously by their policy. Needless to say they all hate her now but have to be nice to her because they are terrified of her. I don't want to sound like I'm victim blaming because most bullying is inexcusable but people have to take some responsibility for their role. I work with little kids and you can tell who is likely to be bullied. To give a few examples, a kid who wont say yes or no when asked a question (eg are you finished with that toy) but responds with a blank stare and then whines to teacher that someone took the toy. One hero worships another kid and follows her around to the point of harassing her. The other kid very nicely says she is busy doing something else and might play later but the other persists until the girl tells her go away then she is in trouble.

It might be area dependent. I was born in the 80s with disabilities and been bullied my whole life.
I reckon the last year and a half round my way has been the worst as a lone adult walking of getting really awful abuse off kids, some of them no even teenagers. Did has to report some to the police it was that bad (threatening violence on me I was actually scared at that point) and I did stop walk the long way round at one point cos they would all congregate on they bikes and e-escooters. These be strangers to me but my visible disability and the fact I be by my own probably make me a target

also issues with kids with catapults killing and hurting all the animals. I no remeber that happen when I was young

I think kids are taught a lot more about empathy and understanding that different people are equal, not scary, and probably very like you at the end of the day.

Also many kids now, like ours, see peers with same sex parents so that being LGBTQ+ is just normal to them from an early age. I literally never had to explain what being gay was to my kids because they just knew some couples are same sex.

In my experience (DS in late teens now) they are so much more inclusive and just not bothered about differences that would have been a big deal when we were at school (e.g. homosexuality, race, religion, things like
glasses and braces). They also seem so much more accepting of differences like autism and much more likely to stand up for people who are experiencing bullying for such things. I’m sure there are still some kids who are absolute arseholes to everyone, but there is a general shift towards being more accepting and pleasant. However, social media has caused issues such as them (especially girls) believing that they need to look a certain way, do or have certain things etc. so it’s not all good.

I don’t think so, my sons autistic and attends a mainstream school hes been bullied rotten since the day he started.

I think human nature is the same, but technology has totally warped how kindness and cruelty manifest. In the 90s, if you said something nasty, you had to watch the other child cry, which naturally curbed a lot of bad behaviour. Now, the anonymity of smartphones etc means they can be vicious in group chats without ever witnessing the emotional wreckage. They might have all the right words for empathy in the classroom, but the online world removes that basic face-to-face accountability.

Agreed, parents are also much kinder to their own children (obviously there are exceptions, but generally there's more emphasis now on this) and so kindness is modelled in the home.

This is not new . It just wasn’t publicised years ago. Boys used to fight each other all the time in the 80s/ 90s with little consequence. And yes weapons were involved.
I definitely think kids are nicer to each other now. Being overweight , gay, neurodiverse, having red hair ,wearing glasses or any other slight difference made you fair game for bullying and ostracism in my childhood. It was brutal.

I can’t remember back then, but I do think children and teens are much more tolerant and inclusive than ever before. They just don’t see the issues we did, they haven’t been conditioned to hate others. I think it’s great.

I teach 3-4 year olds and I’m always amazed at how kind and caring they are and I’m glad to say it’s mostly the boys. They are so kind to each other. It’s a good sign for the next generation.

Less bullying on names, sexual orientation, forms of ND. If my kids had gone to my school in the 80s they would have had a truly miserable time.

The 80s had significant issues with young adults transitioning to work, loss of industrial jobs, unemployment, recession, social issues/isolation around work and identity especially in young men.

It was not due to children not being “kind”.

Fair point !

I think there is a much larger circle of inclusion and far less racism and homophobia, but no, I don’t think kids are kinder on the whole. It is still extremely difficult to be a neurodivergent teenager in school and social media is an absolute horror story.

Sorry wrong person quoted !

I'm amazed at your post op and think it is highly individualised behaviour to school or area and certainly not indicative of the majority of children's experiences

There is still bullying about wrong equipment at least at secondary or there was for my DC at times.

However I think my DC perhaps because they don't stand out as poor as much as I did have more confidence to shrug off and parents and a DGP who are more willing to replace items - partly less poor and partly more aware that standing out like that can be unpleasant.

And yet a huge amount of them are depressed anxious and unable to make friends.

In the 80-90s, we were rough to each others but it was how we learned compassion and empathy, not performatively from a tiktok video but from real life experience.

there is a big big focus on being kind in education at all levels these days however that I don’t remember being there in the 80s.

I notice this in primary years - there was still bullying but less open than when I was at school.

Secondary - that was dire for my DC failing school - I'd hoped they have a more postive expericne than DH or I did - but was about the same - blind eyes from staff - though with so many assulted have more symthathy as to why than back in my day.

We still encounted some very unpleasant kids on playgrounds etc but I think they stand out more because they were more unusal - but how much of that was because there were more parents in playground ready to step in than in my childhood -- interestingly in all case with nasty kids I think I or DH and I were only parents around.

So I think maybe a change in emphaiss in some primary schools, societial changes towards more tolerance of certain groups and increased childhood supervision - and perhaps an awarness of more camera and phone camera about.

Humans will always be humans.
Children will always be children.
I’m a teacher and a mother to teens so a reasonable amount of experience. There are definitely some things that have become less accepted in the wider world so we see less in children - bullying about physical features or disability is one of those things. Other things take its place.
The fundamental reasons why some children are horrible to other children has not suddenly vanished. They are still immature and impulsive. They still come with their own insecurities, needs and baggage. In some cases a LOT of baggage.
Social media adds a whole new layer to it all. I don’t think children are generally, fundamentally more ‘kind’ they’re just more aware that they’re supposed to be!
Now, this all sounds very negative but my overall experience with kids I teach and my DC friends is that for the most part they’re just ok kids. Not angels, they make mistakes and sometimes upset others but not devil bullies either.

Exactly this.
There have been some really terrible crimes recently that have been perpetrated by children, I don’t remember these happening in the 1980s. And before anyone says this is due to higher levels of reporting - gang rapes, stabbings and murders would certainly have been reported in the 1980s as well.

I feel the opposite - during the 80s once we got to secondary school my sister and I both experienced far less bullying and unkindness than at primary school. By secondary school people seemed to have grown out of the nastiness.
My daughters’ experiences at secondary school seem to be far worse. “Popular girls”
who are mean to everyone not in the group, “chavs” who noone likes, lots of factions / rivalry, even fights. Lots of drama and changing friendship groups that we never had.
I do not remember a single fight at my secondary school and we wouldn’t have referred to the council estate kids in a derogatory fashion. There was an “in” crowd and the “swots” but we were all nice to each other.
I will say my school was an all-girls school in a pretty good area just outside London whereas my kids go to a mixed school in a beautiful but not such a prosperous area of the country. Both comprehensives.