To think children are kinder now than in the 80s/90s

Dp and I were just talking about this. We went to an event at ds11 school and a Dad was wearing luminous tie dye trousers and a hairy/shaggy fleece thing, if your Dad turned up wearing something like that in the 90s you'd never hear the end of it. Absolute ammunition to be teased rotten. Ds hadn't even noticed the guy, said nobody commented.

I remember someone's Dad wore sandals to school pick up and that boy was called Jesus for the rest of his school career. Brutal.

There was loads of self harm in my school in the 90s/2000s - it was, horrifyingly, pretty fashionable. What there wasn't was any sort of watch list. Actual rates of teenage suicide were higher in the 90s, possibly in part because schools didn't have the focus on suicide prevention they have now.

I also have primary aged children and agree with OP. DH, who is a secondary teacher, says that he also finds the kids he teaches much more tolerant of difference than when we were young.

I was really scared for DS1 before he went to school - he's a bit socially awkward, not at all sporty, bookish, likes a lot of things traditionally considered feminine and also likes things aimed at slightly younger children. When I was a child - in a school of quite similar demographics and location - boys like that were bullied to complete misery. Teachers not only turned a blind eye, they often also made it clear they thought sad boys were pathetic. DS1 certainly isn't the social centre of his class, but he has never been picked on, and has friends. The other kids seem to just accept him and others who would have been considered 'weirdos' in the 90s.

Incidentally I find the posters on this thread who are so resistant to the idea that anything can possibly be better now than in the own youth so depressing. I really feel like our changing age demographics means that 'it was better in my day' has gone from being that thing all old people say to being the spirit of the nation, and it's dragging us all down.

Actually I remember being teased on the school bus by some of the richer kids as my family were from the poorer village.

I don’t think I had that experience in the late 90s/00s.

There were other reasons. There was a huge peak in teenage suicide in the 90’s , it started going down, then fairly stable levels and then it peaked again in 2020(not entirely surprising) and not getting better.

No idea about self harm , or how accurately it would’ve been reported and registered back then.

Guessing you’re from the affluent end of the spectrum and don’t see the fact that working class and poorer children are still bullied mercilessly by richer classmates at school and university. Just like all the white people don’t think there’s racism anymore. Some of the shit that comes out of the mouths of private school toffs would make your hair stand on end.

It’s finally shifting again, slowly.

Teachers could be bullies yes but we didnt have the amount of suicides and cutting there is now most classes seem to have 3 or 4 on the watch list and is mainly due to online bullying.

Everything is led by adults, thats without doubt

The fact is that there are rigid views about what makes a girl and what makes a boy and kids are horrible to each other if they dont fit into that

This is so true.

Its happening with adults, if you dont agree with the current group think, then you're shouted down. If you're a child and you say the wrong thing, or are socially clumsy then you're ostracised, you cant have a differing view to others.

You've only got to see the modelling that can be demonstrated by threads on here that someone with a normal human flaw is seen as 'inappropriate', they're name called and advice is given to go 'no contact'

This is being replicated in kids.

I would definitely say kinder now for sure but less mental toughness and resilience

Yes I agree. I remember a lot of sneering and class snobbery as a child in the 90s. My kids went to a secondary with a diverse mix of poor and affluent families. They all mixed in nicely and I don't recall any sneering.

Yanbu. The children are kinder and more understanding and excepting of others.

No, there’s an agreement between the families not to. From the way the children talk I would be surprised if they had much access beyond educational use. Most of the families restrict TV too.

I think it was commonplace for parents and other adults to be more judgmental/racist/prejudice towards other people (privately but in front of their kids) in the 80s/90s and the kids picked up on that and copied the behaviour. Now it’s much less common to comment on other people’s appearance/lifestyle etc and I think that filters down to the kids

It was but at least we were safe at home the walk home was a minefield but nobody got you at 1am.

They might not have them at school but i bet most have online access outside.

That attitude has been heavily promoted and drip fed for several years (but more recently) by adults with an agenda. There was a time before that when this wasn’t the case. Or at least not at such a high societal level.

Not all kids are online. At our school there’s a big movement to restrict access to screens and the internet and almost no pupil under 15 has a smartphone. So perhaps these children are kinder.

We did back then too. The only difference was , adults/teachers sometimes were the ones that started the bullying, or there wasn’t a need to hide it.

That makes sense actually - I feel
the kids are less kind and there’s far more drama/bullying but I live in a far more mixed area than I did growing up or when my kids were young.

Totally agree, on line nastyness and mysogeny are rife but kids know what to say in front of adults. Its very 2 faced when the kids arent getting what they want. We have lots of 12/13 year olds self harming due to bullying.

I dont think this is true given the number of kids as they approach puberty who are being convinced that they're the wrong sex.

A girl cant have short hair and being 'non girly' without the narrative being that 'she's a boy'

Same for boys.

No there isn’t as education specialists and data shows. The increase in bullying and discriminatory behaviours are deeply concerning.