Parents of older teens or adults, how would you change your approach to extracurriculars, if you co

Follow their lead - parent the child you have - not the idealised version of what a rounded child should be that does 1 sport, 1 instrument, 1 language, 1 church group etc.

personally I don’t think you need to have a strict number of how many extras they do nor of what type.

if Sarah likes football and the clarinet sign her up - if Daniel is obsessed with ballet alone - sign him up. .

some kids you can work through the whole symphony orchestra and they’re never going to enjoy any instrument - as music is not their thing - but painting or dance or drama or birdwatching may be.

don’t force things on them - sure encourage them to try and expose them to new things but not every kid wants or needs a million different after school activities.

one of mine loved swimming and so did that - but that was enough - we offered all sorts of things but they just didn’t want to do them - they were happy after school at home : they spent hours and hours with small world play - making up story’s with animals and figures - either alone or with their friend. They were always busy and not sitting in front of tv - but just playing and doing crafts, baking with me. Forcing them to do a club I thought would be ‘good for them’ would have destroyed them as after school they were exhausted and loved the quiet down time with one friend over sometimes rather than another session of 20/30 in a class.

I felt sorry for kids being ferried and bustled from one activity after another - some in our class would have a school club - then sandwich in car on the way to tutoring or some other activity. It’s too much some of them did 3 things on one night on top of a full school day!

I think for many kids - less is more - let them pick things they enjoy to do but give them time to just play and be a kid.

Over scheduling them also means they never learn how to self entertain . Kids nowadays stop playing with toys very often too early as too much emphasis on screens and tech and formalised environments .

Your friend is just a lazy parent, ignore them 😂
in England they finish school at 3pm, how could 1 hour or 2 from 3 to 8pm bedtime be too much, how ridiculous.

The best advice I read was this: if you want them to have hobbies and interests as teenager, use their time in Primary school to join and try as many sports and hobbies as you possibly can, so you can be sure at least 1 or 2 stick.

Reception was just swimming and teacher-led clubs at school, to get used to the routine the first months.
By year 3, my kids had after-school clubs every afternoon and at weekends.

They had more than enough time for homework, "chilling", kids parties, birthday parties, play dates, sleepovers. However, they also didn't get bored, didn't spend time on screen, somehow all are keen readers.

Swimming lessons were not optional, then they could try and pick anything, from football to dancing, basket, cricket, martial art, drama.

It makes weekends so much easier when they have training and competitions or shows to go to.

I know someone will come up with the lazy parent "Kids need to learn to be bored" there are more than enough time in the day for that, they have been at school for hours, they need to run around and be active, they need to let go of steam, they meet new friends, they discover something they enjoy, they learn commitment, and they are generally happier.

You need to work with your child. What do they want? We have asked our children about extra curriculum from around 5 yo.

We did expected swimming classes until proficiency. No choice.

I my kids do far more extracurricular that I’m comfortable with really. But I’m led by them and if they want to I’ll always fund it and make it work somehow with an increasingly ridicolous schedule. I used to insist on at least one day at the weekend with no organised activities but my 10 year old campaigned for another club after she did it as a two week holiday club over the summer. I said ‘no’ for about a week or said she could if she dropped something else but she was relentless so I gave in to her in the end.

I try to encourage her to drop ones which I think have run their course but to very little success so we just keep accumulating them. I’ll be led by them and I don’t see how that’s child abuse!

Mine only did activities they chose, I've seen what can happen to kids forced into activities and it's not pretty.

I had the same approach as you when mine were little, didn't realise it would burn out ND children and, if I could go back, I would follow their lead more.

Both mine did extracurricular activities from a similar age and still do them midway through secondary, And show no signs of wanting to stop.

Their interests may change so if you’re happpy to be flexible if they really dislike something go for it!

The only thing I would have done differently is sign my DD up for a football team from a younger age (year 1 or 2) She enjoys it but doesn’t have the confidence of the girls who’ve been playing for years. I am a big advocate for team sports though.

Yes we did swimming lessons, for a year or so and they liked after school clubs they joined a few.

I agree with your friend, well it's not abuse but it's excessive. If they want to do something, great, but cannot see any reason to make them. Mine have had to do swimming lessons until they were confident, but beyond it's their decision. We do lots of active things as a family at the weekend. Don't be that pushy parent. Kids need rest and time to recharge at home or outside after school

All mine only did after school clubs at that age.

Extra curriculars are not child abuse.

clearly.

many kids want to try stuff. Get prepared for a lot of chopping and changing though!

The only mandatory extra curricular for our DC was learning to swim, both through lessons and swimming as a family.

Other than that, scouts was brilliant for years, the rest we tried were a bit hit and miss over the years.

(If your DC's school is small it may not offer many clubs but secondary school will offer loads more for free.)

If my DC wanted to do extra I allowed it, within reason, if they didn’t they didnt.

I didn't see it as part of my job of being a parent to force it upon them.

I think its too young to put rules in place. My eldest had no intetest in regular hobbies other than adhoc outdoor stuff like forest school and d of e, as an adult he still.prefers solo.hobbies like wild camping and hiking. Middle one tried loads of hobbies but stuck none, tried swimming club, choir, netball, football and am dram but quot after a term or 2 but has an active social life now. Youngest was sports man and pretty much stuck with football and athletics from age 6.

My advice, encourage extra curricular, its so good for them to have interests out of school, but be led by them, keep it fun and dont make it a chore

I don't really understand what you are asking, .yes mine did extra curricular i let them do taster sessions to start withone was in the brownies/guides. Neither were seriously sporty, one not musical at all. So they got to pick and choose they were hobbies really but I would not insist they do anything, they did what they enjoyed.