Parents of older teens or adults, how would you change your approach to extracurriculars, if you co

If I could have my time again I would not allow my DC to get into competitive swimming. They get a lot out of it in many ways but it’s a brutal schedule on the whole family and I wish they had done a wider variety of sports. Once you’re half decent at swimming there is no time for anything else.

Choose what your child enjoys and they will get much more out of it and give them space to just be at home and able to relax too - especially if they will need wrap around care or holiday clubs too.

I'd have hated clubs when I was growing up. I loved my books and writing stories, I didn't enjoy being in busy clubs and things like Brownies soon fizzled out as I just didn't get much out of the experience.

With my own children I let them do clubs they were interested in for as long as they were enjoying them. One of my daughters loved gymnastics so we carried on with that one for a few years but one of my other daughters didn't want to do anything like that as she preferred working on drawing and painting at home. I just made sure she had some decent resources so she could practice from books and youtube videos (such as Bob Ross).

We have always let our boys choose what they want to do, and also just taken them along with us to our sports and interests (most of our interests / hobbies are sport or outdoors related though). Ours are now 14 and 12 both compete at a national, regional or county level in at least 3 or 4 different sports, but they have tried quite a
few before finding the ones that they really love. We have never forced them to do anything, we have encouraged them and do expect commitment from them now they are older - so for example, son1 is a multi event sport athlete and he hates training for one of those events, but because I pay for the sessions, I expect him to attend without moaning, which he does as he knows it’s his choice to do it or not (but if he doesn’t go regularly then I won’t pay for it next quarter). I think it’s well worth letting them try lots of different things when they are small, if they want to do them, and discourage them specialising into one sport too early (mine still both do several quite different sports, and won’t specialise until they are older if they want to).

I do encourage them to try things outside of sports but that is their main interest. I play the piano and both enjoy tinkering around on the piano but have never wanted to properly learn.

Being on teams or in clubs or even things like scouts or guides is brilliant as it gives children different sets of friends and teaches them about being in different little communities. My boys love their sports clubs and have a huge amount of pride in their teams and clubs, and great relationships with their friends and with their coaches - it’s definitely enriched their lives.

I wouldn’t bother pushing an instrument unless they or your household are musical. It’s a chore for a kid, all that practice. My DS played a wind instrument from Yr3 to Yr11, took GCSE music (no idea why in hindsight) and the last few years were hell trying to get him to practice. Hasn’t his picked his instrument up in 4 years. Cubs, etc and sport are great for them and definitely swimming.

It's not child abuse, but it isn't brilliant parenting to follow a pre-decided agenda instead of following what your children actually want and need. It's best to parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had/the one you read about in books/the one you've planned for.

The problem isn't the after-school clubs, it's the attitude of 'they will do this because I've decided' parenting philosophy that's problematic.

Read the post 21.09 by cannotbelieve. Allow a child to quit. Obviously you talk to your child before committing to a one term sporting activity. The way op is making out is the child tries it, doesn’t like it, then they have to stick to it for x amount of time. That’s too rigid. It’s fine to try something a couple of times and not like it. Chopping and changing constantly isn’t ok either. Not what I’m talking about here.

OP this sounds more like you projecting how you want your parenting to appear rather than what your kids want and/or enjoy.

My opinion - others may disagree.

1. Swimming most definitely. This should really be the priority.
2. Let them try a variety. If they enjoy it, continue. If they don't, try something else. Let them choose, assuming budget allows. We've had horse riding, dance, rainbows, cheerleading. Eventually settled on one favourite each.

Now my don'ts which I feel far more passionately about.

1. Don't prioritise one child's club above another. I have a friend whose dd does gymnastics. They spend hours at training, competitions etc. It costs them a lot and theyare really stretched. Their ds had to stop swimming lessons as it clashes! He wanted to start playing on a football team but the budget wouldn't allow it (their words).
2. Don't fill up every evening. Children need opportunity to play, meet friends, spend time with you etc. Especially in infant school, they are tired after school.
3. Always ensure that your child knows that they can quit. This is so important as I had a highly stressed child that I taught who eventually admitted that they felt they couldn't quit dance as their parents had already spent so much time and money.

Mine are early/mid primary and they both do loads of clubs. They always have, so I suppose they've never known any different

They seem to still manage to get time to "chill" at home, they're often laying about reading or playing a board game. I'm not sure what they'd do else with more time in the house, though? I suppose we're quite busy as a family, I don'tike being home all day and am always out and about on days off.

Kids don't play out on the street so much these days, so I also think the social side is good. They do breakfast club and after school club a few times a week which seems to be basically free play with their friends.

I definitely encouraged activities after school. Mix of beavers, music (lessons in school), swimmings, sports etc.
I think if you can afford to give them the chance to develop interests it’s great and sport in particular gives so many life skills. Now mine are teens they still do a lot of sport at an high level now and our entire weekends and many week day evenings are taken up by it. Worth bearing in mind with whatever activity you commit to as to whether your work and lifestyle can sustain all activities!

We insist on one sport - they can choose which one and they have to finish a term once they have started. Why? Because physical activity is so important for health that we want to set the habit for exercise.

We also do other physical activities with the kids in the garden/park like football, badminton, parkrun etc but I do really want the kids to find a sport they enjoy and will keep going with.

Also swimming for reasons others have said.

We also strongly encourage beavers/cubs - range of skills. Also looking ahead to when they are teenagers, if we can keep them going with scouts, they will be busy and active and not just on screens. I am also keen on the independence aspect of scouts - so many young people seem to have so much anxiety and cling to their parents, I would like mine to be confident and independent and scouts seems like a good way to go for that.

Other than that - up to them. One of mine loves an organised activity and does loads - a martial art, a sport, an orchestra, cubs, swimming The other just does a sport, beavers and swimming

I don't believe in forcing music, I think it's a middle class affectation. Gave both kids the opportunity, one enjoys it, the other doesn't. I will give the other the opportunity again when he is a little older but I don't see the point in it a child isn't actually talented/interestedly

it's good to encourage the discipline of following through on something. Plus kids should be doing exercise every day so I would go for some sporting stuff if there is limited at the school.

However, I did to find my child was exhausted with the day, with homework. They need to rest and have space for creative play too

Our rule was that dd had to have at least one physical extracurricular. It was her choice and she could try various things. She could also have additional activities. Dance lasted the longest. Her personal choices veered towards art and science.

That went by the wayside with Covid and we didn’t make her pick a physical activity back up when things opened again. By that point what was available for her age group had changed substantially. She also had some medically complications the entire time that restricted her choices which combined with the fewer options at her older age made things even more difficult.

so post Covid all her extracurriculars were just personal interest.

My main rule was... I can only be in place at a time. So one activity a day. I had one period where they both had a clashing club and it was only manageable because elder DD could walk to and from Scouts alone... (both distance wise and safety wise as it was 8pm, in winter).

what a strange way to see it. Of course it's completely untrue, do you think our children are scared of us or something? 😂

They commit to something, they stick with it for a term, or for the duration of the commitment. They know when they sign up.

Or they end up like these people that accept invitations and don't turn up because they got a "better" offer.

My 3 are teenagers now and 2 of mine do a lot of sport however 1 of mine doesn't do any extra clubs. Her choice, she tried a few in primary but it just not her thing.
I think its best to follow their lead.
All of mine did swimming but I didn't really see that as club more of a life essential.

I don’t understand why you would expect them to do extra curricular activities - if they want to try new things then thats brilliant and if they enjoy it even better.

If they don’t want to do anything thats fine too! My only ask was they learnt to swim.

I’m led by the kids, but try to keep it sane. There’s some parents I know who seem to spend half their life travelling between extra curricular activities and it doesn’t seem much fun for the kids! I’ll never forget watching a girl get changed in the car from her ballet stuff to football kit every week, shoving down a sandwich for dinner and ten mins late because the classes didn’t quite match up. It just didn’t seem great!!

DD (10) likes to be busy - she does karate, guides, gymnastics and piano lessons. She used to do swimming, and also did football for a bit (then dropped it and picked up karate). Piano lessons are through school so it doesn’t eat into the evenings.

DS (8) who is autistic does karate and piano lessons, he’s about to start swimming too on a weekend. He’s tried cubs but it didn’t work for him.

They also both like little after school clubs like dodgeball and choir, and tend to do at least one of those a week too. I like them doing stuff and am led by them completely, but try to keep it manageable and so that no-one is frazzled (me included!).

My kids extra ciricular activities

ds9 - Monday - 1.5 hours of cricket practice
Wednesday 2 hours of viola
Thursday - football training
Friday - 1 hours guitar lesson
Saturday - football match
And a cricket match at some point too

Ds5 - Monday - 1 hours cricket
Tuesday - football training
Wednesday - 2 hours of boxing/mma
Thursdays wrestling
Saturday - football match
Sunday - cricket match

it’s all on there doing and they can stop etc when they want but they have to keep at least one fitness/sport! This hasn’t happened yet 😩😩😩

My 3, now 15, 17 and 18 did a variety of activities. Some short term after school clubs such as gymnastics, games etc.

Beavers, cubs, scouts, air cadets, sea cadets, sailing, dance, football, rugby, musical instruments including grading, after school and in school opportunities, and so much more!
I expected a degree of commitment to the activities, which they all duly upheld.

Be prepared for plenty of logistical planning, including what and when to feed them and also to have all of your evenings and weekends taken up. Up until recently we were out every night, except Friday. Weekends also full of activities.

I grew up without these extra curricular opportunities and was keen for mine to have explore.
It costs a lot in time, commitment other sacrifices, and also money.
My job as a parent is to give opportunities to my children. So far, each of my teens continue with a variety of activities, including volunteering their time to support other youngsters to have fun.
I'm pleased that they realise that there is more to life than school or work.
As I write, I am sitting in the car waiting for an activity to finish!
Have completed the online shop though, and about to get a few more steps in!

YABU about expecting your dc to absolutely complete a term or two. That sort of rigid thinking will put off your child. They’ll be too scared to try something new out for fear you will lock them in for months, which to them will feel like years as they’re so little.

Busy kids become busy teens.
It’s often the kids who do no to little extra curricula’s who spend a lot of time on tech, and are the ones drinking etc. Same as when I was a child and definitely the same now.

My eldest did a mixture of swimming, rainbows/brownies/ piano/ gymnastics/netball. She's 16 now and still does netball and piano.

My middle did football 4x per week/rugby/cricket/guitar/ dodgeball/boxing and at 14 does football x4 and boxing

My youngest is about to turn 10 and she does gymnastics, flute, piano and football.

Swimming to stage 6 was non negotiable. Which was around age 8 ish.

We did and still do spend most of our time ferrying the children from a to b, but we love it.

Mine are 11 and 8. So far they have tried;
football
rugby
drama
kickboxing
self defence
singing
scouts/cubs/beavers
swimming
dance
cookery.
They have stuck to
mr 11;
cookery, rugby, swimming and scouts. Due to start t’ai chi soon.
mr 8;
Rugby, drama, singing, dancing, swimming and cubs.

Mondays - scouts for Mr 11
Tuesdays - Both do rugby.
Wednesdays - Mr 8 does swimming
Thursdays - Mr 11 goes Swimming, Mr 8 goes singing followed by cubs
Fridays - nothing
Saturdays - Mr 8 goes to a full 3 hour theatre club doing dancing, singing and drama
Sundays - in season it’s rugby for both, off season we don’t do anything.

I took the approach that extra curriculars should be interesting and fun, I wanted them to build confident relationships with adults who weren’t school teachers or family - they did music lessons but I discouraged exams and didn’t insist on practice - I found a fun teacher and they enjoyed their sessions with her, also did singing lessons, that teacher was lovely but it wasn’t as much fun so they stopped going. They both had French lessons too with a fabulous French woman and did scouts - they weren’t all that interested in team sport, so we didn’t push that - they liked climbing and running when they were younger and they still do now.

I think school and exams suck the joy out of learning - with everything being exam based - focused on deadlines and punishments. I wanted them to experience the joy of learning for just the pure hell of it. They kept up their music for much longer than their peers - used to play to relieve stress during exams - music is a big part of their lives.