Parents of older teens or adults, how would you change your approach to extracurriculars, if you co

I wouldn't change anything. Mine had plenty of extracurriculars but I tried to be in tune with what they showed an interest in. I saw them as an opportunity for my children to try different things to find out what they were interested in, who they were and what they might like to develop. I suggested, never forced. I considered them all as individuals rather than deciding they had to do particular things. The exception being that I had them all start swimming lessons at 3 and they all did block classes to become competent swimmers, for their own safety.

I encouraged but never insisted, and just let hobbies develop organically as they showed an interest. None of mine could handle extracurricular in Reception, they were shattered. They’ve tried various activities, and whilst I encouraged them to try for a few more weeks once they wanted to stop, I never insisted beyond that as if they hate it what’s the point! They’ve naturally added more in as they’ve got older, and now one does music lessons, one does martial arts, both do Cubs/Scouts, and both have done swimming to an ok level. They’ve had years where they did none or hardly any, and years where they’ve done more.

I’m all for it. A few riding lessons at 4 turned into a long term obsession with horses - cost us a fortune & I learnt to drive a 7.5 tonne lorry 😂. Dd still rides as an adult but we no longer own our own thankfully. Also did Beavers, Cubs & Scouts - loves hiking, mountaineering & camping to this day. Just be prepared for them to hate things - ours was dancing - she loathed it 🤷. In secondary did a few asc as well. Academically did very well and she was always full of energy so I have zero regrets on the path she took

That's what is called a rod for your own back.

My five DCs did a seasonal sport (late spring/ first bit of summer) from age 5 to 7. Four of them decided they liked the sport and kept at it until age 13ish. One had no interest or aptitude and really only participated for the social element.

One did piano, two did band in school. The other two had no interest in music.

They all learned to swim and ice skate.

They did drama in school and also choir, from age 10 to 14.

They all signed up for sports in high school and did a range of them. I took one out of sport because of a concussion, after three years of playing (seasonally). One did theatre in high school.

It’s not, you know. It’s to do with ongoing societal expectations of what women look like in public hitting girls going through puberty and being at a particularly self-conscious phase about their appearance, body size etc. If I told you everything that’s been said to me as a woman in her 30s going for a run, you probably wouldn’t believe it. Early teenaged girls are less hardened.

I think doing a sport or two is good for them if they enjoy it. I have two DC. DS (9) started gymnastics at 5 and dance at 7. DD (5) started both at age 3 as that was the youngest they’d let her start, she was desperate to start. DS wanted to stop gym at one point and I told him he had to finish the term I’d paid for, by the time he’d finished the term he loved it again and it’s been two years. I haven’t bothered with music as mine don’t have the focus yet. DS also does Cubs, DD is desperate to be 6 so she can start Beavers! When so many kids are in front of screens all the time, I think these activities are much better for them!

My 2 children did swimming lessons as a non negotiable until they could swim confidently. They took up a musical instrument when they were 8 and 10, joined a youth organisation when they were 7 and took up a sport quite young,ds-football and dd dance. I wanted them to have interests which were wide ranging and would help them to stay active. Neither of them stayed in youth organisations, dd did dancing until she left secondary school but dropped the musical instrument. I wasn't surprised as the teacher sucked the joy out of learning. Ds dropped football but kept playing guitar and was a finalist in The Battle of the Bands in Glasgow. I spent many years being a taxi but it was worth it because they both are fairly well rounded adults. Your friend doesn't want to do the taxiing

If I had my time again

I’d find out earlier which clubs have insane waiting lists and get my kids names on

I’d find out earlier which clubs my kids’ friends or others from the same school are doing and focus on those - makes lift sharing easier and child is keener to go

I’d be more relaxed about them missing the odd session

I’d put them in for sports/physical clubs from a young age because even if they are not naturally sporty, every little helps and if it means they feel even a little bit more confident and enthusiastic about physical activity, it’s worth it.

I probably wouldn’t bother with musical instruments 😆 a high ratio of money, effort and nagging to result achieved! I think it’s worth giving music a go but if there is no love there, don’t push it.

I do agree that sandwich in the car between 2 clubs is getting ridiculous. Mine have sometimes done 2 clubs one night but always with time at home between for tea etc

Let them have an input. I have a G8 musician child who competed at a national level in her sport til age 18. 90% was driven by her, I was the bank and the taxi. My youngest does no sport or music but has his own interests. They can both swim though! 100m in 2 strokes without stopping was my rule for when they can stop lessons.
But, find something which they will carry through the teenage years. Girls massively drop out of sport aged 13, and loose the mental and physical health benefits it offers. Personally I think it is a result of too much pressure to compete and clubs which don't recognise the value of life long sport.

When they are in primary its a great time to introduce them to things and alot of research shows different extra curricular help development and social skills so I am all for it.
For my Dd the only thing we enforced was self defence. Once she could swim we just use that as a fun day out to keep the skill up as its so important.
DD has a lot on but she has picked them and goes with friends from her class.

My DC are 16 and 18 now. They both did the same activities at primary age. Swimming i
felt was important and other activities were mainly driven by family members. So grandparents who skied, sailed and played golf for example (none of which I do personally). Over time they chose what they enjoyed most. The eldest sails and plays rugby, whilst the youngest does everything going.

The main thing I learned was to listen to them and be guided by what they enjoyed most. Neither particularly loved club swimming although they were good at it. In retrospect they probably should have stopped that sooner. You can only give them the chance to try things (within your means) and see what sticks.

I always had the approach that my children need to do at least one active extracurricular, this lead to my oldest (15) discovering her passion, which is volleyball. However she just said to me yesterday that she wished I had made her learn an instrument too when she was younger, as she wishes she could play but feels its too late to start now (I did tell her its never too late to learn something new but she has a lot less free time now as a teenager for practicing than she did when she was younger, and school requires a lot more work in her own time) so I'm thinking I should have insisted on one active hobby and one instrument. She thinks I should make her little brother take up an instrument now but he literally does not have any spare time for another extracurricular.

So it seems to me, if you go completely child-led they might regret things they never did in the future, but if you go too much adult-led they might resent you at the time. Its a hard balance to strike.

My daughter hated Rainbows (brownines) but loves squirrels (scouts). Maybe your daughter would prefer that one?

What are you asking?

My preschooler does Squirrels, swimming, theatre school. She's 4. Her primary school do lots of afterschool clubs (20 per month) including cheerleadjng, gymnastics, music, cooking etc so she will do some of them. Why wouldn't they?

I just think it should all be child led (with the exception of swimming). I really wanted both of mine to do Scouts/Brownies but both joined and didn't enjoy it. DS lasted a year at Beavers, DD lasted half a term at Rainbows! DD also tried several ballet/dance classes and hated them. We don't tell them they have to do hobbies but if they want to they can.
DS8 currently does Karate, Guitar lessons, Choir and Theatre School (dance, singing, drama)
DD5 does Swimming, Karate and Gymnastics.

I wouldn't personally put rules in place, we always got led by them and my eldest did regular sport from 6, my youngest was more flighty and tried a variety of things but now aged 8 is settled into a sport. They do music at school and neither is that musical, it's expensive to push something they dislike and if they don't practice music then they make no progress anyway. I'd just see what they're interested in, try a few things and go with what they actually want to do - otherwise it's a waste of time and money, hobbies should be fun. Also, you might not get chance - here hockey isn't until y5/aged9 and netball was aged 8 - my dd likes team sports so she just had to wait for them. In my experience it's the opposite of forcing them, it's me restraining them, because if 2 of them want to do 2 hobbies each plus swimming lessons and fit homework in - then I basically drove all over the county most evenings and theyre exhausted- no thank you! Most kids are keen on having hobbies and it's logistics management to fit everything in.

The only thing I set a rule on was swimming, as its such an essential life skill for safety. They've kept it up and like it, but I only insisted they reach the stage of swimming a few lengths safely.

I think you just need to figure it out as you go, and parent the child you have in front of you at the time. Don't set arbitrary rules now.

That said, I'd switch out group swimming lessons for 1:1 over a much shorter period.

I don't care whether it's a team or individual sport, or music in an orchestra or whatever. Anything that involves peers in some way will do a similar thing to team sports. My child got way more socially out of his individual sport because he clicked with the other players and they hung out together etc. Whether they were playing against each other or on the same side was not the most important thing. They were all giving up their Saturday to do the same thing together, week in week out.

Absolutely these things are too exhausting for some children. One of my children would run away and hide on the way home from school or lie on the pavement because he was so overwhelmed from a day at school. If yours can manage 3 activities a week that's lovely, but it doesn't mean you're parenting better than someone else whose child can't.

Exactly. Anything that compromises the family’s quality of life should be avoided.

Why not wait to see what they want to do?
Extra curriculum activities are important but only if the child enjoys them. Making a child do something they don’t want to do because you have decided they should is a recipe for disaster.
The only exception to this would be swimming lessons

My 4 year old has been going to gymnastics since he was 4 months old and he loves it so I can’t see him wanting to stop going any time soon but we stopped Rhythm Time because he lost interest and rarely joined in and we tried Diddikicks but he hated it so we stopped going 🤷‍♀️ Adults don’t continue with hobbies that they don’t like so why should children? 🤷‍♀️

I have currently got him on the waiting list for swimming lessons (1-1 SEN sessions) that you do have to pay for a whole term of upfront so if he gets a place I will be encouraging that but it’s a life skill and he loves going to the swimming pool and water parks so I’m hoping he will enjoy it!! ♥️

It sounds a little bit rigid but I wouldn't say child abuse, unless you were forcing a child to attend stuff when they had huge anxieties over it or didn't enjoy it.

We just go with interests or find trials and say if you like it then great, if not you don't have to go back. If they say yes after a trial and we sign up for the term then I would ask that they see it through, because I've paid. My DS was far less keen than my DD, he's quite socially anxious and she is a collector of hobbies and friends. Swimming was/is our only non negotiable.

I'd argue against what someone said above about music not being a great choice as there are so many positives to learning and instrument, but I think they have to want to do it.

I also don't think there is a huge issue with having a slower life and letting kids have down time after school. But it sort of depends what they're doing with it.

I think YAB very unrealistic to put rules in place when you have no idea how your pre-schooler will develop.

I think your friend IBVU to use the words 'child abuse' in this context.

I agree with you that it is great if your dc stick with activities outside of school throughout their childhood and teens, but I think you are being completely unrealistic to think you can map out what it is they will each do.

You need to offer them opportunities, do your best to show interest and enthusiasm and support them in what they do, and see what develops from there.

I tried everything as a kid, but dropped it all. I wanted to be good at it immediately and if I wasn't, I didn't want to do it. Often I was just following other kids, too. Had lots of individual, crafty hobbies.

I did stick to clarinet, but didn't pick it up until high school. Wish my mum had made me carry on piano, but suspect she was glad not to have to pay.

My two both swam; necessary as we like sea swimming on holiday.

I desperately wanted ds to enjoy football, because I had seen how many friendships were forged that way, but he did a year and gave up. Mainly because at 5, they were sifted into teams and he wasn't. But this could have been because he wanted to play, rather than compete, and the other kids (and their dads) saw stardom. We don't follow football on tv either, which didn't help.

Martial arts and scouts all the way with ds.

Dd was v shy, so didn't start anything until 6. She was bloody good at gymnastics, but too old for squad training. Then she did dance. She absolutely loves dance. Tried brownies... gave up. She'd have been a fab guide. Their hobbies hsd to start after 530 too, due to work, which made it difficult for them both.

Both tried guitar. Gave up. I feel quite a lot of guilt at the afternoons making them practise guitar, when they really had no interest. But then, I'm frustrated that they have 2 parents who play instruments but they don't.

Both still do martial arts/ dance. I returned to music in my 40s so there's hope!

I'm not a parent so I won't profess to speak as a parent, but I wish as a child my parents had encouraged extra curriculars. Encouraged being the operative word though. I don't think I would have enjoyed learning an instrument for example, certain things never really appealed to me, but equally the things I showed interest in weren't encouraged either. Without sounding dramatic I often think how my life may have turned out differently had extra curriculars been a bigger part of my life as a child. Not just in terms of finding a genuine passion but providing a focus and skills outside of schoolwork. I was quite academic but extra curriculars can also be helpful in showing children that it's ok to be sporty or artistic instead. For your own sake don't do 4 activities a week especially with more than one DC or you'll likely be burned out with scheduling and running round, especially if there's uniforms involved and added laundry etc. Find a middle ground.

I would wait until the times comes and they actually ask to participate in something rather than force them.