Dd’s teacher suggesting I sit in on the lesson so Dd remembers what to do

I don't see how you sitting in on the lesson is going to help in that case.

Your daughter doesn't understand what the teacher is saying and neither would you.

Could the teacher provide a link to the music as it's supposed to be played?

It will be longer ago than that as the poster refers to O levels!

I did learn recorder in the 80s (but started with B A G; A B C makes no sense so I’d question how good the teaching was at that poster’s school!). But it wasn’t compulsory, and I don’t remember being taught how to read music in class - I learnt some in recorder class and the rest in music Saturday school.

I have a friend whose DC is currently at a (good) State primary. They don’t do recorder any more - it’s “xylophone” (actually sounds like they have a glockenspiel, so I doubt the quality of the music teaching there as well). And not taught to read music either (except by me!).

So that’s definitely changed. Seemed to be around the early 2000s from the kids I know going through schools at different times.

I would argue your experience is not all that current. Just because you were taught recorder in primary school in what, the early 80s(?) does not mean that state primary children 40 years later all learn to read music and play an instrument in their class lessons.

That’s great, but secondary is too late really. The kids playing in the orchestra in your local state school will still have had to have private 1-1 lessons outside of primary school, or perhaps from peri teachers but still paid for by parents.

Whereas when I was at primary I had free lessons in a group of 3 for 4 years. This simply doesn’t exist anymore.

our state secondary has A level music and multiple music groups including an orchestra. Whereas the expensive local private school doesn’t do A level music or drama. It varies widely.

Yup I think way out of date. My own failing state school had a huge amount of music. I learnt from 9 and I was able to join ensembles, orchestra and do gcse music. I was shocked when I went around our catchment secondary and no current gcse music students. At my daughters’ primary there are some county music lessons opportunities but no orchestral instruments and no real culture of music at all. I’ve moved one of mine to a private school and the music offering is jaw dropping in comparison. The difference is just night and day unfortunately between our local state and private but isn’t as big a gap to what I had access to growing up.

You’re way out of date, sadly.

I went to an inner city primary school, in what is now considered a deprived area. There were 40 in my class. No bad behaviour.
All 40 of us peep peeped away on our recorders. The first 3 notes we learnt were a b c. Just one hand. Then we learnt with 2 hands. We learned where a b c were on a sheet of music. It was really easy. Then we learned the positions and notes for the other hand. And sharps. We played baa baa black sheep, which I'm sure you will agree is very easy. We also played Christmas carols. I learned the new world symphony for a concert. Better kids than me played the tenor recorder.
Then, I went to grammar school and did music for 3 years. I also studied a different instrument. I did art o level, not music. However, I was in the school choir and took part in several concerts.
I maintain that there's plenty of opportunities in the state system for children who are passionate about music

She said it would interrupt her working!! My sons are at different actives 5 nights a week and Saturday and Sunday mornings. The weekend stuff it’s competitive so I watch. The stuff in the week is training/practice. I quite often take my laptop and write reports, or reply to emails or make quick calls while I am there waiting. If I am paying for a service then I don’t expect to have to be in the lesson too.

at 7 I would be expecting them to listen to the teacher/coach and be able to rely what’s happening in the lesson and anything they have been told to work on. We will then give them time at home to work on things and do that together. But I work flexible hours so they can do their activities on the understanding that i will catch to them work hours

*Am an instrumental teacher. Note to self: use preview function in future.

”What on earth were they doing at school?”

That is indeed harsh. I’m old enough to have taken O Levels. Went to music college, have a degree in the subject, an an instrumental teacher now. I certainly wasn’t taught to read music in primary school. I’d suggest your experience isn’t universal.

I feel too young to be on their own with someone you don’t know well.

The OP has already said she will do this, she plainly wasn’t confident in the subject herself and asked about it. Its a common ask from parents who did not have the opportunity to learn themselves.

Anyone would think she had been asking if she should commit murder from some of the responses.

There is also the point that music in particular and creative arts in general have been diminished greatly in schools. I have no trouble believing many children leave school unable to read music just as they leave unable to swim despite technically having a course of lessons (as part of a large group in year 6). Over the last 15 years the schools and the borough have struggled to keep music services alive. If schools actually offered the kind of music services the pp alludes to things might be different but they cannot.

Like any other skill it needs practice and we judge for our children if its a skill they should persist with. It always easier for us to just say “ok lets stop” but that isn’t our job or children would never learn anything through the hard parts.

The OP wants her child to have music lessons, it may turn out that piano isn’t the preferred option for her child but the idea that its somehow snobby to foster skill and a love for music is just nonsense. Good on the OP for wanting to give her DD the chance to grow a love of music and the skills to practice music. Although perhaps some of that school music time the PP alludes to might have been better off utilising the fine art of paragraphs.

Well if you can't how on Earth do you expect your 7yo to? Sounds like you are choosing incompetence rather like some men doing the laundry. Surely if you witness your child actioning the instructions in the lesson, you will be able to prompt her to repeat the same thing at home.

If you feel under pressure and find it difficult to understand no wonder your 7 year old feels the same way? Maybe sit in the lesson and see if it helps , change your music teacher, or stop the music lessons if your child has little interest .

i had to sit in ds cello lessons at aged 10
i was lucky i could

@HarshbutTrue2 we don’t know whether OP’s DD is passionate about music or not. Not wanting to practice at 7 doesn’t mean she isn’t passionate about music or won’t become passionate a bit later.

OP hasnt said that she won’t support her DD - she’s asking whether it’s normal to sit in on lessons.

Music teacher here: this isn't unusual with someone of your daughter's age. I agree with the teacher: sit in on one or two lessons just to get an idea, or, maybe record one on your phone? Also, when you say 'homework', is that written theory work or practising the instrument (or both)?

If she’s following a book you can often find YouTube videos. My son is 8 and his piano teacher is using John Thomson books, there’s a guy on YouTube who has produced videos for all of the pieces in the book broken down really slow, he does other books as well (Faber is one I remember). Maybe try that…. He also has a little book where he can tick the days he’s practiced, even if it’s five mins and then lots of praise always helps.

Yes, we all do what's best for our children. For me, that meant supporting them. If they wanted to take up a hobby that was ok. If they lost interest in a hobby that was ok too.
I sat through hours and hours of kickboxing lessons. In that instance , parents sat in a waiting room and watched the lessons on cctv. It was really interesting to note those who were disengaged and the ones who were messing around.
OPs child doesn't appear to be passionate about music. That's ok too.
OP wants the kid to do music for some undefined reason. Op is not willing to support child by sitting in the lessons because she is too busy on her phone earning money to pay for lessons which she doesn't understand or support. That strikes me as pretty stupid. And not ok.
I understand kids wanting to learn music. I understand them losing interest.
I understand musical parents encouraging their kids. I don't understand non musical parents wanting their kids to learn an instrument but not supporting them.
The child should have the opportunity to learn an instrument at school. That will do.

Speaking from experience, there is no bigger money pit than music lessons for a kid that isn't passionate about their instrument.

Find an instrument that she loves or a different hobby entirely.

We spent a fortune on one to one weekly clarinet lessons that he never practiced, then he joined a brass band for 50p a week and became very proficient on french horn in no time.

i used to sit in on my DC music lessons (guitar) at that age. I would’ve thought it was pretty standard.

I think it’s a great idea. I’m not one of these people that thinks that children or even teenagers should be left to figure everything out on their own. It won’t necessarily be something you always have to do, but it can be a Support bridge to help build a structure so that she learns how to structure her practice work at home and remember. Right now it may not be that the issue with her progress is not her ability but just the executive function to take in what’s expected in required over practice time

Yes, I understand. It’s a useful time for you to do other things, but this is what parenting is isn’t it? I don’t mean that in a harsh way I genuinely think people forget that different children have different needs and if what your child needs is help with this aspect then just give that help for now

I have to take notes and then when you get home format those notes into a child friendly format. And give her those Sit with her initially and go through them Whilst she practices. And the Net progress into just giving her the notes and leaving her to do that herself and then eventually she may not need notes or you even there

Just stop the lessons, sounds like neither of you really want to do it. You’re too busy and she isn’t interested. There’s nothing wrong with that! Do a different activity for her instead and then try an instrument again in a couple of years.