AIBU to ask my friend not to compare our children's height?

My daughter is very tall for her age
She used to be best friends with a boy who was very short for his age.
The height difference was very noticeably and people would comment but I never mentioned it to or in front of the kids or his parents. I know some kids don't like being the short one. They seem to put a lot of emphasis on being the tall one. I don't want to add to that. It's not that interesting either.

It’s annoying and unnecessary .
I am small , not out of the ordinary small though , just 5’3” .
I was told a few times when I was a teenager “ oh you’d be beautiful if you were taller “
hmm who’s going to tell Natalie Portman , Eva Longoria , Natalie Imbruglia and many more that they’re plain because they’re short 🙄

OP I had a friend like this. The infuriating thing was that her child wasn’t actually taller than mine, but it felt so petty to argue about it I’d just say nothing and feel pissed off!

In your case id probably say (nicely) that you never compare him to other children and would prefer that she didn’t - if she is a good friend it’s probably thoughtless and she’ll get the message.

You are not being unreasonable at all! I would totally take that as here secretly saying, "my child is better than yours" but that could be my overthinking mind.

I have a 15yr old DS and my grandparents are always saying how my cousins son is taller than him and more built than him etc even though he's younger. It's not a competition. I usually just change the subject but I am with you on how frustrating it is!

If you feel the need to comment, just point out, as PP's have said, that it's very common for girls to enter the adolescent growth spurt sooner than boys. It's also true that those who start the growth spurt earlier, will probably finish earlier. One of my good friends at grammar school came in (we were all measured yearly in the school medical) at 5'1", 34-24-36. Back row in the form photo, one of the tallest. When we left, 18 years old, her measurements were exactly the same, while her classmates sprouted around her. (I was eventually 5'10"). In our final form photograph, she's down in the front row with the short ones!
During my teaching career, the only time I taught a child prescribed puberty blockers was not because of gender dysphoria, but to delay the onset of puberty (he was only in Yr 4) so that he didn't start too soon and finish too soon IYSWIM.
But better to brush her comments aside if you can.

Some mums are very proud of having tall children. I once put my then 18month old dd in a playpen while I was changing after swimming. Another mum did the same. She was beside herself with excitement to learn that my dd was 6months older than her ds, and yet the same height.
I just smiled and nodded, but should have perhaps just pointed out that us adults come in different heights so it's not that surprising 🤣..

I'm short myself. Dd is now fully grown at 5ft 5 and very happy to be that height.

I agree OP, right from birth my MIL has commented non stop about size and it drives me up the wall, everytime DD see's her grandparents without fail they will mention how much taller she's grown in the space of three weeks, I do say " going by your calulations she'll be 7 ft in three months, it's because you've not seen her in a while that's why" drives me bonkers

What a horrible suggestion. Just because the mum is a dick you don’t need to punch down on the daughter. 😧

Op I had a friend like this. So bloody competitive and always comparing everything with our children. I used to find myself almost putting my DC down “oh he’s no good at that…” to give her ‘the win’ she obviously wanted, and to stop her competitive bragging but it never stopped. She was a childhood friend and each others’ bridesmaids, god parents to the children etc but it got so bad I ended up ghosting her. We still exchange Christmas cards but I never see her anymore. She couldn’t help herself and it wrecked the friendship.

I fucking hate this.

Ive had this with so many people over the years with one of mine.

She’s 12 now and still quite small for her age - but all the women on dh side, both sides are only 5’2” or a bit less. She obviously takes after them genetically so she’s never going to Amazonian.

One of her parents friends keeps going on and on, her dd is tall for her age, same height as me (5’6”) already.

Everytime we are together it’s a she talks about. I’ve told her again and again that it upsets dd and to stop it but she laughs it off. The girls are best friends and no longer at the same school, so it’s sleepover and we socialise as families. It’s so fucking irritating and makes dd upset.

Don't say this. It implies you think being taller is a desired attribute. What is he stays short?? What would be wrong with that??

It's baffling, and potentially very harmful. It's completely nonsensical, as it's just a totally normal variation in your genes. It has as much 'logic' (i.e. absolutely none) as that displayed by the racists who just naturally assume that having white skin must be somehow superior. Just no reasoning powers whatsoever.

‘I’m not sure if you mean to be nonstop calling ds short, but he doesn’t like it and you need to stop.’

My DD was the smallest in the class and we’d always get this. Fast forward to puberty, the taller, fast growing girls started earlier and pretty much stopped growing, my DD started later and sailed past them all height wise.
My DSS was the same and suddenly shot up at 16 and overtook many of his mates.

Height at primary school age is not always a good indicator of adult height and no parent should be making these comments.

It wouldn't occur to me to give a shite really.

But you do, so no harm in asking her to stop.

Me too. Being tall is not an achievement but people act like it is.

You're not being unreasonable. This is the kind of thing that, if kids hear, can give complexes that take years to unpick.

I’ve got two small ones - it’s irritating so I get it.

What absolute idiots. Even apart from seeking to cause strife absolutely needlessly, they're basically jeering at him for being a very normal height for a man (not that it would be acceptable if he actually were short, mind).

It would be as ridiculous as constantly asking somebody with an average 3-bed semi how they manage living in such a tiny little house - purely on the grounds that some people happen to have bigger ones.

Bide your time until puberty kicks in, then (as your son is likely going to be taller than her daughter) you can remind her how much she used to comment on their respective heights.

My mil had a dreadful complex about height. I am as tall as she was and it’s never bothered me but she seriously damaged one of her children’s attitude to their height . Another child made sure their partner was very much smaller. I did have to tell her that if she mentioned height even once to my children she would never see them again.

Tell her to cut it out. She knows what she is doing. Don’t dance around it like so many people suggest. Tell her to cut it out and you don’t want to hear it again.

Or address it directly and say “And? Why is that important? Please tell me why.” And watch her squirm. Then tell to. Ever mention it again.

Shorter people live longer, so.........

Yep. Trying to say this without doing exactly the same thing, but my son always says 'why is everyone so obsessed with how tall I am?'. He is nearly 8 and noticing people commenting on his appearance. I try not to comment on children's physical attributes unless it's something like 'love the new haircut'