not to help BIL with the kids while DSis goes away for a few days?

If you go and stay you’re enabling his uselessness

I will also take any bets on the BIL heading out for lots of lovely all-day bike rides to help him decompress while OP clean the house and entertains the kids, and then collapses when his DW gets back and has to be allowed a weekend in bed to get over the dreadful experience.

Dont be tempted to say just just say NO!

Do both of them work outside the house? Is that the issue? He would be juggling more than she does because she is a SAHM? That's the only reason I can think of for why it would be harder for him and the house a tip on her return. Anything else is just enabling his incompetence.

Clicked the wrong option on the poll. You are not being unreasonable OP.

Then it shows her his true colours & if she wants to keep enabling him to be a useless twat of a husband / dad, then that’s on her.

because BIL says he’ll find it too much on his own.

His wife should have told him not to be so bloody ridiculous/left him to orgnanise his own help at least.

I think you should say no Op, especially if this She will feel better about going if she knows I am there to help with the DC and keep the house from being in a horrific tip for when she returns equates to you doing everything/the bulk of it!

Well it seems he was capable enough when it came to fathering 4 children but not capable of looking after them? A great example of weaponised incompetence. No, I would not facilitate him. If your sister has to miss out on her holiday thats between her and her partner.

2 issues here -

Him unable to cope when she is /does
Her asking you - she is undermining him / she is a micro manager / has an issue with control.

She needs to either go and accept things wont be done how she does them/ the house is a bit chaotic afterwards

She stays.

They are their kids - they need to navigate it !

IMO

In life, the more we enable people not to be independent , the more reliant they become.
I have 2 siblings who have kids - they have always had loads of support from in laws with childcare etc.
Both avoid situations where they do not have another adult with them
In contrast, I haven't ever had this - just got on with it as no choice !

Now we are carers to elderly parents, the same is happening ie they struggle single handedly.

Really? And when the Husband informs her what has happend, and she comes rushing back, as she cannot relax knowing he is without any support.

I would help out for my sister’s sake
but not stay in their house. I have been the mum of littlies who never gets a break. It’s hard. But BIL needs to
step up & do the majority of the work.

It does annoy me when any woman is seen as a first choice before the actual father of the children! Seen it many times, mum goes on a night out/weekend awa- DC go to granny!

This. It is all very well for some posters to berate the Husband, but the fact remains, that the Sister has asked for help. I would provide that help, if possible, to enable my Sister to enjoy her break, without stressing, at the back of her mind, about the children.

What a useless bastard. Incompetence in men really gives me the ick.
Can’t look after his own kids? Quick! Better ask another woman to come and help!

And I bet your sister will have made dinners and done the shopping and carefully labelled everything in the fridge/freezer so he doesn't have to worry about that.

I'd really struggle with being called in to clean up after a man like that - since that is what you say is the point of it. To stop the house being a tip when she gets back.

I'd offer to take the kids to the park for a couple of hours one of the days. he can clean up then. bet he won't though. Useless.

Genius!

as i keep saying, what would stop him calling her and guliting her back?

He could ask if he needs help. DH and DGramps looked after DD when me and my mum went away. Child happy, house clean.

I would offer only for emergencies.

I would genuinely want to know how his penis gets in the way of him looking after his own children for a few days.

I'm struggling to imagine why he can't manage without help. Or why another woman has to step up.

So has your DBIL made your DSIS ask you to stay due to him being the type of male not wanting to take care of his own DC

Or... is it actually nothing to do with him not being able to manage and more to do with your Dsis wanting to come home to a pristine house, which TBF having four DC is pretty much a big ask all round.

This is sad that he’s so pathetic. However I would personally help as it’s less about helping him but your sister. She will likely miss out on some time away if he’s that pathetic and suggests she doesn’t go

Having the DC on his own will be educational for BIL.

Like it was for my DH, who thought he'd get a list of DIY jobs done, and managed to paint two small walls. It shifted his perspective on just how much effort it takes to wrangle small DC and keep the house tidy and do the food and do the school and nursery runs amd mow the lawn and walk the dog and and and.

No is a complete sentence.

Why did this useless article reproduce four times? How can he not be able to look after his own children?

Fuck no ! He either looks after them or those cycling holidays he loves so much can become a thing of the past . What's good for the goose and all that .

If the house is a tip on her return then BIL can tidy it then