not to help BIL with the kids while DSis goes away for a few days?

anyone else would love to know what self-employed role with less than full time hours is enough to support a family of 6 with no help 😂

Admittedly we don’t have 4 DC but when DC were young DH would not be needing help with DC or house if I went away. Might have asked friend to help with school runs (and we had helped them in the past) but everything else he would have coped with

I agree.

It’s her own fault she needs to leave him too it more often
she does it day in day out and him hardly ever so he is obviously going to be hard and he’ll struggle

it’s the same as you being doing a job for years then you expect a new starter to be up to the same speed as you

the fact she won’t go unless he has reinforcements isn’t helping anyone he’ll never learn to cope

at the end of the day as long as there safe so what if she comes back to chaos

So, by that he himself hasn't asked her to ask you, she's taken it upon herself to speak for him.

The impression I get in some of the answers on here is he's a lazy good for nothing father and has told her to ask you to come and stay...not the case?

Yes, he may struggle but so do many women, openly admitting on a day to day basis that they struggle with their own kids but don't get called lazy good for nothings, they manage.
Maybe your BIL would too.

easy solution, she gets a part-time job and he starts doing more in the house.

It's fair that the SAH parent does a lot more than the full-time working one (literally their job), but to make it fairer, she just needs to get a job and not be solely responsible of the kids.

Less financial pressure on HIM if another adult brings a salary

Less house chore and childcare pressure on HER if another adult takes over half the load

she could do the same.

As a mum, fair enough to put reminder about hats/ water/ sunscreem. You shouldn't have to, but better safe than sorry. A poster got her little girl back with bad sunburnt, and it's her own MIL who had her, so not all mums know best either.

Ready meals? If he's competent enough to hold a job and survive on weekends away, he can organise his own food, for him and the kids?

I find this gob smacking because I don’t know a single dad who’s this useless, never mind openly admit his total incompetence and claim he couldn’t care for his own children for a few days.

And your immediate response was not to say 'Babe, are you seriously telling me you had four children with a man who isn't able to look after them himself?'

Maybe she shouldn’t have done anything, or someone needs to tell him (preferably a male) that he needs to step up and do the same food prep etc when he goes away next

who said it was?

What is controlling and stupid is expecting the other parent to stick to your own strict rules. They are both equal parents.

The child has toast instead of cereals, so?

The child eats too late in the afternoon, so what? Dad will see if evening is a struggle and why it's easier to have a routine, mum is not here anyway. Or the evening will be a breeze and mum was a bit uptight.

The child wears a red hat and a yellow tshirt instead of the matching yellow hat?
I mean, too bad..

I don’t think it’s strict or controlling to expect the house to be clean and tidy.

BIL is a cyclist, so I’m willing to bet that he spends hours watching YouTube videos about how to service his bike etc. So tell him he can do the same to learn how to manage his own family.
And men expect us to accept that they are superior to us??!!

I think BIL wants to have his own bit of time off while his wife is away and will dump everything on OP if she turns up.
I love your idea of turning up to direct operations but not actually do any of the work. Write him a list! 🤣🤣

Don't just be tempted. Say no. He's ridiculous.

Id say no. You are not in control of what drcision your sister makes. Surely a grown man can look after his own children.

What's the usual set-up?

They both work full-time, and she's having to be the handmaiden, work + kids + chores + house and everything? And he's being an incompetent idiot.

Or is she very strict on the way things MUST be done, he get screamed at if he pick the wrong colour tshirt or give a different breakfast at his own chosen time, and he can't do nothing right.

If they both have equal responsibilities, it's about time he learns to cope with the children he decided to have.

If he hadn't been allowed to parent in his own way, then now it's his chance and she has to accept HER way is not THE way.

Either way, I am sure he can cope 😂

There are always double standards when it comes to mums and dads, it’s utterly ridiculous. I bet if he takes them to the park “he is such an involved and helpful dad”.

So as usual he’s pushed it on to her to sort.

He can’t cope with his own kids and can’t be arsed to even find help.

ABSOLUTELY NOT. He needs to learn how to cope with his own kids and keep the house tidy. Women aren’t magically better at these things, we just are expected to do them.

@saynooo , this is not about helping your sister. She could hire that done if her husband is such a loser he can't take care of his kids or his home for a few days.

It's about the misogyny she's showing expecting you to abdicate any of your responsibilities to go move in and be his surrogate wife/enabler. And you say people don't usually ask men. Yes, people ask men for help all the damn time. She just won't bother because she thinks it's your job to step in and prop his useless ass because you're a woman.

So he can he shoot the spermies but not look after the end result and whilst hes sat on his bottom she wants you to clean her house and look after her kids,

Absolutely not a chance.
What a loser she married.