Dog dilemma

But how would him missing the holiday help the pet?

Possibly trips away will be a lot less likely now they have spent the money on the vets- that is putting the dog first, giving them the best chance, keeping plans doesn't change any of that.

Honestly, I wouldn't have flown back if it was my mother.

And if asked I think you were crazy for doing so.

But that is all good - we all have to do what feels right for us. And that's what matters.

Magic up money to continue indefinite care...

You've completely misread what I've said.

That's what was right for your husband. Not the OPs.

Im not a football fan but I know friends /family who are and the arsenal game is a big big thing

You said dog is stable - it’s serious but treatable

hence why so many are staying to go

yes being here with you is supportive but won’t change the outcome and I get why he wants to go as it’s a huge thing to fans

Magic up what money? We could not afford to lose the money we had paid for a holiday but our dog was far more important than a holiday.

If my DH thought a trip away whether it be for football or something else I would be furious and wonder how he could be so hard hearted. My DH though would not put himself and a trip away before a much loved pet.

Any news on your dog OP?

I think your reaction is totally understandable. No where have you said you tried to guilt trip him into not going, so I have no idea why some posters are giving you a hard time. Why he needs you to be enthusiastic about going on his trip is bizarre, as you say, he should just go and keep in touch with you. I imagine you don't feel upbeat in general right now, so if you made a performance about being happy about him going, it would be fake. Sometimes in life the timing of events is shit and you just get through them. It doesn't mean you need to put your life on hold wailing into a hanky or overcompensate by being performatively jovial.

i hope your dog is feeling better soon.

Costs aside, I have no idea how he could want to go.

DH and I recently took a rare (as in, he doesn’t usually like going away, so we normally only do ‘local’ long weekends away) and expensive trip together. While we were away our child’s pet became seriously ill. While not ‘ours’ they still live at home and so we consider the pet part of our family. We flew back asap. No way we could have enjoyed ourselves at that point and were counting the hours/minutes until the plane landed. Cost a good deal as well to abandon things and come back early. No way we would have even started off if this had been the case.

Is it gay abadon, though? I would agree with you if it were, but it sounds as if there is a lot of unintentional guilt-tripping by OP. He may just be being clear about his trip plans.

I don't think he's awful to being up costs either.

However the gay abandon of "well it's gonna be your problem not mine" IS awful.

I think I'd be encouraging DH to go in your position, but then DH would make sure he prioritised keeping in touch with me and finding ways to be on the end of a phone if I do need to chat through options. He would make sure it was our decision, not just mine. I think he can go away and still be emotionally present/supportive But I'm not sure yours can or will. He seems quite keen to wash his hands of the problem and dump it in your lap, which must feel quite shitty to you.

I agree.

The keyboard warriors here pretend that it's somehow good sense to sell the family home or wipe out savings in order to keep a dog alive. To leave a family impoverished long after the dog is dead.

I agree that you do need to be able to afford basic vet care. Vaccinations, parasite control, neuter, dental, basic surgery, etc.

When things get complicated, costs do add up very quickly, even with insurance. When that happens, I think it's not unreasonable to be finance to be part of the discussion.

I don't think OP's husband is unreasonable to bring this up as something that may need to be considered.

Yes but again there may come a point where money needs to be discussed. The savings might be near drained, insurance doesn't cover everything or might be maxed out, credit cards or finance might need to be discussed etc.

It's not always a discussion of PTS... finances still need to be discussed as adults.

his weekend aside you both need to decide at what point you will let dog go, or not.
It’s important one or two of you are there if that choice has to be made - my advice would be to consider in advance when the scales would tip enough for it to be the end. It’s horrible to make that decision but it’s even more horrible if it’s rushed and you don’t have time to consider it properly. So consider it now.

If it is the end, and he isn’t there, it shouldn’t mean your dog sufffers more. What I mean by that is decide where your lines are healthwise for dog and don’t allow him to have to wait until your DH is back (if he goes). You will regret that in the long run.
there is quite a clear line for me when pets are better off alive or not (I have a lot of experience with old animals) and I’d recommend thinking about that now incase he doesn’t get better.
i really hope he does recover though 🩷🩷🩷

your husband sounds selfish. And for the football!!! tell him the dog has been your four legged best friend for a short part of your lives. You have been his best friend all of his life.
hugs xx

That's great for you... not everyone can magic up the money though no matter how important it is.

Cancelling the last minute trip won't free up loads of cash.

There are three things 1) He's mentioned costs. If they can't afford to continue treatment that's PTS, the dog dies. 2) My continued narrative is being there for the dog for allowed visits, for when they return home. 3) The dog could go down hill, OP hasn't expanded on what is wrong with the dog.

Honestly, I do not know how the DP could go away and not be wracked with guilt the whole time.

The dog is being treated, there is nothing that says the dog is going to die imminently.

Good insurance and savings for other things - if you can't afford to insure or pay vet fees, don't get a pet. PTS should be because it's the right thing to do for the wellbeing of the animal. Not because you haven't provisioned appropriately to supply care to the animal.

This. His weekend has nothing to do with a poorly dog. If it was a child, then it might be different. But, it’s not. 🤷‍♀️

"Pets are important. But clearly the football game is also important. Who gets to decide which is more important? And why should anyone be made feel guilty for choosing?"

If a living breathing creature is less important that being at an event then don't have any responsibility for another living breathing creature. Simple. I would be worried about a person being a sociopath if they lacked care and empathy sufficiently for an animal in their family to this level. The manipulation the OP's partner is expressing (wanting her to have the full emotional burden and guilt of giving him permission to go regardless of what happens) is narcissistic and shows what kind of an emotionally immature person he is. Ultimately he's putting his FOMO first.

It’s a planned trip. You said it’s treatable so def let dh go - tho he doesn’t need your permission as such

but you should be able to contact him while away incase situation changes

sorry to hear Woofa is poorly

For me and DH our pets are more important than money and we are very far from well off.

We have cancelled a couple of holidays over the years due to one of our pets being ill. Never even thought about going on the holidays.

Firstly very sorry about your dog.

I wouldn’t care if he went or not, but I’d be making it clear I’d be spending whatever it took to get my dog well (provided within best interests, the dog is 7 not 12- depends what’s wrong, recovery etc). Seeings though he’s leaving that decision to you…. I’d be inwardly seething to be honest, but it is what it is. My DH travels a lot with a well paying hobby, that’s become an income.

The dog isn't out of the woods and the DP has floated and implied that the costs of care might lead to PTS anyway.