AIBU to think I might have just experienced the end of my marriage?

He's an abusive alcoholic who ruins pretty much every social event, from the sound of it. He's clearly not going to stop drinking and I would absolutely be leaving a man who behaved like this. Horrible.

Why isn't splitting an option?

I feel for you OP. My dh was exactly as you describe until he stopped drinking entirely. Not touched a drop for 24 years now. He was a completely different character pissed. Rude, obnoxious, unreliable, spoiling for a fight and didn’t give a shit who he upset. Police involvement a couple of times after we’d been out and he’d got nasty. If it had carried on we wouldn’t be together now. Drinking obviously doesn’t suit your dh. He needs to want to give up the booze. For some people drinking flicks some sort of switch into cunt mode.

Sorry he spoiled your night @Greyblankie. I'd have been mighty tempted to leave his sorry ass at the venue when I went home so I admire your restraint!

Hope you know you deserve better

You’re married to a knob. That’s it really.

But should the OP have to put even more of her energy and effort into the relationship? I don’t think so…

You don't need to decide today that you want to leave. But I think you do need to 'get your ducks in a row' as they say here on Mumsnet. You can't argue with a drunk and often not even when sober. The alcohol will always come first. Then you have the power and you can choose quietly when to go.

Ooh, Wildhearts was my guess.
He is a problem drinker.
Some people try to help their partners through this, but personally I think they can only help themselves (or not).

How sad for singer. I'll have a listen to them

As for H I couldn't live with that. Although I've known plenty who have including a close friend,my dm my dsis and dsil.

At least you don't have dcs in common.

In vino veritas.

You know yourself it is no way to live anymore. Make your plans, save some money, be free.

In a good relationship, your DH knowing that it was your favourite band would have offered to drive or taxi. Then you could have had atleast one drink if you wanted.

You deserve better

Make plans to seperate

Take legal advice

Ah God, I'm so sorry. I'm guessing the singer is GW? Absolutely heartbreaking situation, and your husband was a total arse to ruin it for you like that.

when he’s not drinking, then that’s the real him

I disagree. In Vino Veritas - It literally means 'In wine, there is truth'.
People mask their real self and put on socially acceptable behaviours when sober, but when drunk the mask falls away and you see their underlying personality, or at least the nasty parts that they keep suppressed normally.

I am sorry about your brother.

If you’re not ready to leave, stop socialising with him. You’ll have so much more fun going out with friends who treat you with respect, and it’s good to start building a social circle for when you are ready to leave.

I thought you were talking about the Wildhearts. Honestly with him making those comments about Ginger's cancer, I'm amazed he didn't get punched.

You've posted about your H a lot over the years, under different names I think. And you always get the same advice. Why are you still with him?

"No misery please, only positivity. I've lived the life of 10 men and I will die with dignity." GREAT band. I'm sorry your gig was ruined by your husband.

I would ask him seriously to take his drinking seriously and seek help. If not - get out of there. He's a deadweight. Alcoholism is an illness and deserves sympathy, but if the patient won't seek help, that's on them. You have your life to live.

He sounds absolutely awful, what a despicable man. Horrible just horrible, get rid !

Thought it might be them. Ginger used to be a family friends of ours. It's really sad what's happened. My brother used to actually be their roadie!

My neighbour is alcoholic, and sounds a lot like your husband. Her husband walked out, one daughter lives with her, pretty much as her carer - the other one doesn't want to know her. She spends all day shouting and screaming, being a total pain, doesn't maintain her garden, horribly loud music and TV. Her neighbours on the other side are selling up, and we want to because of her, too. Alcoholics repel people. It's the truth. People will walk away. If he doesn't want to change, nobody could blame you if you wanted to walk. It sounds horrific. I couldn't live like that.

Sounds like a miserable fucker and miserable fuckers don’t improve with age.

Can you say more about why splitting isn't realistic at the moment? When do you envisage that it will become realistic? What needs to change for it to become realistic? How likely is that change to happen?

There's never an ideal time to split up.

You need to prioritise your happiness and health which this man is currently draining from you. A year spent waiting for the realistic or ideal moment is a year of your life wasted with this wanker.

If he won't stop drinking for you, that's all the answer you need. My DH is a bad drunk, nowhere near what you are describing, but alcohol makes him argumentative and grumpy and short tempered (in no way abusive) the next day. I wasn't prepared to tolerate it.

i sat him down and calmly explained how it was impacting me and that I hated him drinking because of the way it makes him behave. He gave up drinking. Hasn't had a drop in ten years. He knew himself well enough to know he can't stop at one. Although I would have been okay with one if it was just that.

He does miss it sometimes, but he accepts that if his behaviour when drinking adversely impacts me, then it is not fair for him to drink.

If your DH cannot make a similar decision for the sake of you and your marriage then I think that tells you what you need to know I'm afraid.

Who are the 2% who've said YABU? Probably alcoholics who do this kind if shit tontheir partners.

Your life will be better without him, the sooner you leave, the less of your life you are wasting stuck with him. Don't wait for the 'right' time to leave, make it happen as soon as you can x

Don't harbour any guilt for his behaviour

Next time do not go with him. Stop socialising with him. Start preparing to leave. Get advice from a solicitor. Say nothing. Withdraw.

Start making a viable plan to leave. I was married to a (self confessed) alcoholic who was an embarrassment to go out in public with. Pushing alcohol onto someone else just proves that he is trying to normalize behaviour which is not normal. Leaving was the biggest thing I ever did for myself. The relief of going places knowing that my stomach wouldn't be in knots because I didn't know what he would say or do next. Even some relatively moderate drinkers can become complete assholes when they drink too much.