How would you feel if your husband/partner said this to you?

Ex DH said this to me and knocked my confidence for a while until I couldn't take this kind of crap any longer. His new wife is hideous in looks and personality.

Have you seen the current thread about the op, who’s dh regrets opening up the marriage? The comments are so funny and a lot quite similar.

The guy thinks his wife / partner is boring unappealing, because he’s bored, the grass is greener and he’s clearly a stud, wants to open up the marriage, because he’s going to take the shagging scene by storm. He presumes all other men will think the same about his wife.

He takes years persuading his wife to agree to it and when she does, they both try to find hook ups. The woman is inundated with guys ready and willing. The man? Not a sausage. Oops, poor pun.

Realising is wife is having lots of fun and he has made mistake, he wants to close the marriage back down again <cue sad face>. She’s unsure. She’s having the best sex ever.

Poor guy had presumed all men would see her as the dowdy, middle aged mumsy wifey. To other men, she’s a sex goddess and cougar.

We women all know most men would gladly have no strings attached sex and will gladly rail a woman 15 years older if given the opportunity. Women, not so much with men, especially married ones.

You my love, are a sex goddess and cougar to a large chunk of the male population. I mean, I’m not condoning opening up the marriage, because that’s not a good idea imo. But just fuck what he said.

Why are you asking how we'd feel if you know, from your responses, how you feel? What are you doing to do about it?

I am not one to declare LTB at every turn, but this shows a deep lack of respect

I completely agree with this.

Ouch. It would stay with me too, OP. For a very long time.

No we didn't all wonder a little about OP's attractiveness. I certainly didn't.

It's so obviously a negging comment calculated to undermine OP's self esteem - and it worked to the extent she is still hurt by it a year later.

OP could be the most beautiful woman in the world and this type of guy would STILL make this type of comment because it's about his inadequacy and his need to bring his partner down rather than anything to do with how either of them actually look.

The fact that sone pp are actually validating him by raising the possibility he might actually be more attractive than OP is shameful.

What was your reply?

Did you even ask what he meant?

Actually, dont answer, I dont care. If you're still together who gives a fuck.

I took 'look' literally. It might not be anything to do with aesthetics at all. It might be to do with being more successful, having a higher salary, doing more for the community, whatever!

The fact being is if you love someone, you don't belittle them and make them feel like shit by saying such an unreasonable and self-indulgent comment.

My esteem, possibly ego, couldn't take this. I'd either have responded in a manner he'd be thinking about a year later, or more likely set him free to find his equal.

I look at my DH and I know that he could do so much better than me in terms of aesthetics, he is so handsome. We are both men.

He would never say that to me though, and I don't even think he thinks it.

If he did ever say that, we'd be done!

That is an awful thing to say. People come out with all sorts when they are angry but you say you weren't having a row

I don't think I could have sat on that for a year, I'd want to know exactly what he meant, what he thinks and why. Then I would start to be more independent and live my own life.

Your husband needs a wake up call.

It sounds a bit like that Gavin and Stacey moment when Smithy escapes Sonia's clutches.
He walked.
So should you.

Relationship ending is what it would be.

I think the onus is on you OP, he clearly is an idiot but what does it say about you that you are still with him and ruminating on his comment over a year later.

Come on, you really could do a lot better.

He could be the most handsome man on planet earth but he is clearly not the most thoughtful.
But the fact that you are still with him most probably suggests that he is really is a catch in all other ways.

Get rid of!

It would make me feel the sudden urge to buy a new patio.
So I could bury him under it.

I'd get my ducks in a row and start planning how to exit, have money and a place to live if needed then I'd ask him how he felt about the marriage. My next move would depend on his response.

Plus a kick in the balls!

I’d think he was a negging little shitehawk and I’d have been making plans to be single.

Anyone who makes remarks to their partner like that must be pretty 8nsecure.
He is bigging himself up by putting you down. Deep down he possibly thinks he is less attractive in some way.

I am not one to declare LTB at every turn, but this shows a deep lack of respect. He has stopped seeing you as a special, attractive person. He has become complacent. That would cut me to the quick.

A man I was engaged to once said 'You're too good for me, I wish you would find someone better'. Although it sounds like the opposite, it was actually the same. He was wishing I would end things and save him the bother. We ended things soon afterwards. Either way, he is visualising a different life partnered with someone different (not necessarily an actual person, but an imagined better one) and is down valuing you in the process. You deserve better.

Except maybe it was meant as "she could do better."

He said this because he KNOWS he is not better than you ..he needed to diminish and hurt you to feel better about himself..to test his power and assert himself...pathetic really but incredibly harmful to bear. Start planning a life without this feeble man.

How did you respond at the time?

Was there any further discussion about it, did he ever back down or apologise?

Is it part of a pattern of disrespectful behaviour or an out-of-character one-off?

Fuck off and do it would be my exact words. Then I really would leave him.

He’s being very disrespectful & needs to grow up. If it’s a one off speak to him tell him how it axe you feel & his response will tell you what you need to do