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AIBU?

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Original poster

How would you feel if your husband/partner said this to you?

179 replies

Bananatoastie1 · 27/05/2026 22:52

"I think people probably do look at us and wonder what is he doing with her"

In a he could do better way, how would that make you feel?

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 28/05/2026 17:38

I’d feel I’d want to read your previous threads about DH

PocketSand · 28/05/2026 17:24

I was stuck in an abusive relationship with my ex for years. He’s no great catch but would negatively compare me to all his exes physically and ignore me to fall over women he found sexually attractive. He just wanted to make me feel bad.

He hated it when people would question why I was with him and say I was out of his league (not just based on physical attractiveness but intellectual compatibility as I was a PhD candidate) and would cry.

He was a shit. He constantly implied I wasn't good enough and he could do better. No he couldn’t - he’s a liar and a cheat. He’s just a con man. So glad to have escaped that dynamic.

OP you need to believe in your own worth as a person and a mother.

Popsnafflerock · 28/05/2026 16:06

Selkie33 · 28/05/2026 10:55

@TheresAsilverLiningInTheSkyee wrong thread? 😊

Maybe meant for here?

Edited

😂😂 sorry this made me giggle

Ponoka7 · 28/05/2026 16:05

Bananatoastie1 · 28/05/2026 08:08

Just for a bit of background we are now seperated and divorcing, have been married for 10 years together for over 20 with 2 late teen adults children.
I have been doing alot of ruminating lately and this is one thing that always stuck with me especially since it was a while ago I just wanted to see if other people would be as upset about this as I was or if I was overreacting.

Absolutely wasn't over reacting. My DP has disabilities, if/when someone has suggested that he was lucky to have me, I've put them straight. I'm polite when they just mean he should appreciate me. I think that he had checked out of the relationship at that point and was finding reasons to end things. What does the supermodel, he is now with, have to say?

TheresAsilverLiningInTheSkyee · 28/05/2026 16:02

Selkie33 · 28/05/2026 10:55

@TheresAsilverLiningInTheSkyee wrong thread? 😊

Maybe meant for here?

Edited

So sorry 😳

Note to self to actually use reading glasses.

JHound · 28/05/2026 16:01

I would like he was trying to humble me. Awful thing to say.

FruitFlyPie · 28/05/2026 16:00

My exh once said something like this. The weird part is, while I agree I'm
nothing special, he was 12 years older than me, not particularly attractive, earned less, had no friends, and had ED. So I'm not sure what he could have possibly been thinking was so great. Ah, to have the confidence of a mediocre white man!

Lahsania · 28/05/2026 12:56

I think if he was much better looking than me I might not mind, it’s probably true. But it’s immature.. lots of gorgeous men have very ordinary looking wives and it’s because they love them, so I don’t truly think the thought holds much weight.

Bobloblawww · 28/05/2026 12:48

I gasped

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:30

RedRock41 · 28/05/2026 12:00

Meh. Disagree 👆🏻.

Two words to DH one ending in ‘off’ be just as effective imho.

Show quote history

In your opinion, not in OP's hence posting her question, which is valid.

RedRock41 · 28/05/2026 12:00

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 28/05/2026 09:12

The question should be as was asked.

Trying to hurry people along to your thinking isn't helpful.

There would be many questions after his comment,
Did I hear right,
Did he actually say that,
Did he mean it,
Am I being too sensitive?
Have I taken it the wrong way etc.

Asking the OP question is also valid, people process things differently and if you're insecure, depressed or in a controlling relationship, it's not as easy to just up and leave.

His comment is emotional abuse and it wouldn't be the only unkind thing he's said.
It takes a toll and coming out the other end is the goal, how long it takes can be complicated by all sorts.

Show quote history

Meh. Disagree 👆🏻.

Two words to DH one ending in ‘off’ be just as effective imho.

Walnutslooklikebrains · 28/05/2026 11:49

Trying to look at it from all angles. Has he always said things like that? If so it sounds like negging, which is a tactic used to undermine a woman's self esteem.

If this was a one off, is there a possibility he's tried to address an issue but worded it atrociously? For example have you put on 10 stone or something drastic.

Either way it's rude as fuck, but one is worse than the other.

Glowingup · 28/05/2026 11:44

Olliepollie23 · 28/05/2026 08:08

OP I’ve been in this same situation too. My ex husband thought he was something, and I use to always think to myself he walks about like “Mr I AM”. As he got older, his self esteem got bigger.

He would say things to me about my clothes, my weight (I was a size 12), and that I had to work out more.
eventually i caught him cheating, and when I asked why his reply was that “he was way above my league”, and he found someone who was his “equal” she worked out with 2 personal trainers, was always dressed nice (I worked with vulnerable children so would be in jeans/leggings and t shirt when at work) always wore make up and had a good job with a degree (he doesn’t even have a degree), then proceeded to say “look at the state of you”. 5 years on and I still haven’t recovered from that, he make me feel worthless. Him and OW are still together, whilst I’m on my own with my self esteem in tatters.

I hope you find it within yourself to build yourself up and dump him.

Hugs. You sound lovely and clearly an amazing person given the job you do. So what if those two narcissists are still together? They sound like they deserve each other.

CountBoscoTheSecondsWife · 28/05/2026 11:42

That was a really cruel thing he said OP. Wishing you lots of happiness in your future without him.

SecretSquid · 28/05/2026 11:05

3luckystars · 28/05/2026 11:02

Maybe not the wrong thread. I like the idea that op removed a tic for her bum cheek leaving that man.

There's a very pleasing synchronicity 😁

aLFIESMA · 28/05/2026 11:02

Oh lovey, I am SO glad that you are going to now be free of this pathetic creature. Take time to care for yourself and I hope you have a lovely summer, my goodness you deserve it!

3luckystars · 28/05/2026 11:02

Maybe not the wrong thread. I like the idea that op removed a tic for her bum cheek leaving that man.

Fluffybuns88 · 28/05/2026 11:00

My husband would never say this to me EVER.

People have said this to him though, for reference I'm not bad looking but I am fat, he on the otherhand is a solid 9/10. His response has always been "what are you talking about, she's an absolute goddess."
He has never once in our 16 year relationship ever made me feel anything but beautiful.

Selkie33 · 28/05/2026 10:55

@TheresAsilverLiningInTheSkyee wrong thread? 😊

Maybe meant for here?

TheresAsilverLiningInTheSkyee · 28/05/2026 10:20

As someone who had to spend over an hour the night before last trying to remove an embedded tick from my bum cheek, you have my sympathies!

On a practical note in regards to your delicate clothing, I believe you can bag it up and leave in the freezer for a few days as a precaution rather than a high temperature wash.

BreadedChickenLips · 28/05/2026 09:58

I'm delighted that your update is that you're getting divorced. Someone who has an attitude like that towards their partner, a superiority complex, is not going to treat them as well as if they believed they were lucky to have them and do everything they can to keep them. It's an arsehole thing to say and I'm glad you're getting rid.

supersop60 · 28/05/2026 09:58

Congrats on getting away from him. What a twat!

Trickedbyadoughnut · 28/05/2026 09:57

That was a terrible and purposefully hurtful thing to say. He also wanted to let you know that he thinks he's better than you.

Good luck with the divorce.

MrsShawnHatosy · 28/05/2026 09:45

Instantly dump him. He sounds like an arrogant, conceited git who is not worthy of you.

Branleuse · 28/05/2026 09:42

It would really depend.
Ive said something similar trying to get my husband to dress less like a tramp for an outing.

In general though, I'd think it was disrespectful and I've only said it at the end of my tether.