I don't know how to stop caring what others think?

31 replies

ProudAzureSquid · 27/05/2026 21:14

How do you become more detached and stop caring so much about what people might say about you behind your back at university? I’m in my mid twenties and struggle with this a lot. It’s like I want everyone to like me even though I know logically that’s impossible. 😖

It’s starting to affect my life badly. I end up avoiding uni, isolating myself, and just bedrotting because I become so anxious about how I’m perceived. I think one of the hardest parts is feeling misunderstood all the time. Like if I learn from a friend that someone talked badly about me, I'd overthink this a lot and become anxious.

I’d really appreciate hearing perspectives from people who have gone through something similar and managed to move past it.

OP posts:

Litebreeze · 27/05/2026 22:44

Focus on your studies. If childish friends are talking behind your back just remember they will be a distant memory once you graduate.

Focus on getting your degree and maybe join some exercise classes or a gym to get you out and about without the pressure of dealing with these people

wafflesmgee · 27/05/2026 22:41

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0241529719/?bestFormat=true&k=why%20has%20nobody%20told%20me%20this%20before&ref_=nb_sb_ss_w_scx-ent-bk-ser_k0_1_15_de&crid=13QNFCGQ161BX&sprefix=why%20has%20nobody%20 It’s also an audio book which you could borrow from your local library via the borrowbox app once u have a library card. It’s a very gentle read and full of proper l science backed advice from a GP

Amazon

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0241529719?bestFormat=true&crid=13QNFCGQ161BX&k=why%20has%20nobody%20told%20me%20this%20before&ref_=nb_sb_ss_w_scx-ent-bk-ser_k0_1_15_de&sprefix=why%20has%20nobody%20&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-5535222-i-dont-know-how-to-stop-caring-what-others-think

wafflesmgee · 27/05/2026 22:39

I have a few mantras I say which help, over the years I’ve got better at it.
1- the people who matter don’t care, the people who care don’t matter
2-am I doing my best? If yes, great. That’s all I can do.
3- just do the next right thing. One day at a time. One step at a time.

also, exercise. Move more and go outside more. Start small and build up. Eg have a cup of tea outside once a day, then build up to a stroll around then a couch to five k app

The volume of my critical self talk voice is significantly lower if I exercise, it’s really noticeable.

find something small to celebrate and be grateful for each day.

i highly recommend the book “why has no one told me this before” I’ll find a link, it massively helped me at uni and beyond.

im sorry things are hard. please hold onto that it will get easier and you won’t always feel this way.

nutbrownhare15 · 27/05/2026 22:33

Can you contact your university's student support service to ask for help and support e.g. counselling? I think about whether I'll care about what they think in year or ten years or forty years. It does help.

whitefluffydog · 27/05/2026 22:30

You need to get your thinking more casual, colourful towards yourself. Learn to laugh at yourself....find goofy friends ...

if it is very bad, there is a person called Dr Caroline Leaf, she has a book about how we can restructure a mental stronghold for 63 days

FlapperFlamingo · 27/05/2026 22:14

Sorry you feel this way OP. I don’t know if this will help but I never worried about what others thought. I concentrated on my course and the career I intended to get out of it. It costs far too much to de-docs from your overall goal. Can you list your goals and career aims and focus on them?

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