Ive always had a tense relationship with my SIL and over the years a number of inappropriate things have been said to
me by her.
At the weekend we were visiting for a family event. We live around 5 hours away so my interactions with her are limited. Given what she has previously said, I don’t message her and don’t seek closeness with her.
So at the weekend was the first time I’d seen her in nearly 6 months at a family party. I was chatting to another family member who was commenting how DD (6) had had a growth spurt since Christmas. I said yes you probably notice it more than we do and then said DD compared to others in her class was one of the younger and smaller ones and some of the others were head and shoulders above. SIL then said very sharply that height wasn’t everything. The family member interjected and said to SIL that’s not what I has said. I then reiterated my comment. SIL then got up and walked away leaving myself and the other family member thinking what was all that about. 5 mins later SIL returns with my MIL hot on her heels coming directly over to
me telling me I needed to go and get a drink. I said I already had one and would get another one when I was ready. MIL insisted I needed to go inside with her.
Once inside she said I’m calling everybody in 1 by 1 to say that if SIL was not herself or quiet it was because she was under stress from her ex husband - this stress has been going on for over 6 years and we are all expected to walk on eggshells around her and I personally think the stress is used to allow rudeness. I said ok thank you for
letting me know but this had been going on for a number of years now and it never seemed to change. MIL acknowledged that. I for myself a drink and went back to the party.
I then later realised that I had been the only person called in for this chat - DH didn’t know about it.
For the remainder of the weekend, I kept my distance from SIL as she has form
for being unpredictable with me and saying things so I made sure I wasn’t alone with her.
It’s now obvious that when I pushed back on what she said, she didn’t like it. I’ve had her make inappropriate comments about my marriage to her brother, shouting at me when she gave me a tour of her house, morally policing what I say etc.
MIL has said we don’t know how to
communicate. I do
know how to
communicate respectfully and have never ever disrespected her in any way but she has me.
This visit I set this boundary and it was evident to all that I had done this as I did not seek her out for 1:1 etc. I cant go no contact and the above is a mild version of what has happened in the past. I think the rest of the family accommodate the eggshells but I find it mentally exhausting.
anybody else have a tricky relationship with SIL and how they’ve navigated things.