AIBU to think my employer cannot insist I cover old scars? *[content warning: mentions self-harm]

This. How bloody entitled of pp to order someone to wear a long-sleeved top, especially in this weather. Survivors of SH do not have to edit themselves to put others at ease.

In countries which have the most open, grown-up approach to sex education - such as the NL and Sweden, the result is far lower sexual health issues and teenage pregnancies etc.

The way to reduce harms is education, not ignorance.

No, you do your job as a parent properly. It's really that simple.

So we should inform ourselves in the slight chance they may somehow get the urge in the future, regardless of how small the odds are. Are we not safer to avoid people who self harm and work on the premise that this is much safer way of reducing the chances.

Too much information is a bloody dangerous thing.

I agree, your kids don't need to know the nuances, but you should probably be more informed, just in case (and I hope it never happens) your children or other member of your family self harms and needs your support.

She was wearing the uniform. They gave her a t-shirt to wear.

My kids don't need to know the nuances of the causes of self harm... if you're in a job that requires a uniform, put on the uniform or get another job.

Even if medical help was sought, it would also be wrote down as superficial for school mum. I sliced my finger cutting a wire a few years ago, It wouldn't stop bleeding so I ended up needing 1 stitch. It's in my medical record as a superficial - which I was surprised at tbh

There is a huge difference in someone genuinely struggling with their MH and SH, and someone who SH for attention and publicly draws attention to it/talks about it constantly to people. There just is. One of my very close friends used to SH years ago as an adult. She would burn herself with an iron on the inside of her leg. Nobody knew for years. I would never judge anyone or minimise anyone who was genuinely suffering, but I do judge adults who do it for attention

Thank you, it's been life changing for her ( and me ) to understand her brain and how to support her. She's so much happier these days. I was diagnosed a few months before her so it's been nice to learn together.

Oh, yes...the "decent " parent can just make up a story...." they hurt themselves, picking blackberries ".
No, just put on a long sleeve top....funnily enough there is a trigger warning on this post, and this is for adults!

You are so uninformed. People don't just self harm because they 'hate themselves', it is much more nuanced than that.

I hope your children, if you have any, grow up to understand we are all different and that compassion and an open mind are lovely characteristics to have.

That's not the conversation a parent would have though. They would just say something like "oh I expect she hurt herself somehow."

You don't, fairly obviously, have to go into any sort of details. To a 2 year old, an answer of "the lady hurt her arms" would be enough.

You can't, however, expect every single person with scars to cover up permanently just in case your kid sees them, because that would be ridiculous as well as completely impractical.

Young kids are going to be exposed to the less pleasant parts of life. Part of the job of being a parent is helping them navigate them. If you can't deal with that, maybe you shouldn't have kids in the first place.

Why would a "decent " parent want to explain , to very young children, why some people hate themselves so much they take a blade to their bodies? No thanks, I'd rather, as a "decent" parent , protect my children from this kind of horror, thanks.

"Regardless of how people try to justify this, they are being exposed to the idea of self harm by seeing the scars every session."

No, they aren't. That's clearly nonsense. They are being exposed to the presence of scars on a human body, and if they ask about them you can explain in an age appropriate way. For a 2-5 year old this can be a simple as saying "the lady hurt her arms" and that will be the end of it. Y

You don't deal with a potentially difficult bit of parenting by pushing the problem onto someone else.

I have had conversations with my toddler about keeping his body safe and what to do in that instance. I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about having conversations about actual sex, sex acts like blow jobs, fingering etc. it’s not appropriate for a child under 5 to know about those things.

Regardless of how people try to justify this, they are being exposed to the idea of self harm by seeing the scars every session.

Im not shaming the OP, the scars do not bother me one bit and I am certainly not judging them for it, all I am saying is I don’t think it’s appropriate for them to be seen by very young children who are incapable of understanding the reason behind them. At what point do we stop protecting the feelings or adults in lieu of protecting our children?! Children should always be the priority. We have too many messed up generations where this kind of stuff has run rife via social media, making it completely normal for the majority of children to be exposed to it on a daily basis, we should be protecting them until they are old enough to understand and hold a proper conversation about. That’s not shying away from the issue, that’s being responsible adults.

There will always be children who sadly self harm as there always has been and in a ideal world of course that would never happen, but just because the minority do, does not make it acceptable to expose the majority to the idea of it.

Nobody is suggesting exposing young children to self harm.

They are suggesting that the OP doesn’t need to cover up her scars.

They are just that - scars. She has no more responsibility to hide them than scars from a burn or car accident.

In the same way she has no obligation to explain or is likely to want to explain her medical history anymore than anyone who has been burned or in an accident.

what about if a woman has scars from harm caused from DV. Should she view up then? Hide that realism for many woman? That actually is also a safeguarding issue as children need to know that’s not ok. Either as a witness to a parent victim or as a future victim.

It really saddens me to see so many here suggesting the OP should cover up. I thoughts we’d moved from the this sort of crap attitude.

This thread is reminding me of all the flak Cerrie Burnell received when she joined CBeebies, from mums saying her missing hand would give their children nightmares. 🙄

And before anyone replies with 'That's different, OP's injuries are self-inflicted,' it shouldn't matter.

Same. My daughter has them in her legs.
People SH mainly due to mental health issues. To have the confidence to reveal those scars speaks volumes. To be asked to cover them up is just a negative response that can cause a set back....

Even if the thread is questionable, it’s opened up an interesting debate and some polarised discussions

Oh no…

Op has posted a previous thread where the claimed she had a 16 year old daughter who was being asked to cover up her scars, so i’m not actually convinced op is genuine tbh.

Why? Because most of us, at some point or another have experienced people who cannot help but project their issues onto others. Whether that be us as adults or more worryingly to our children.

My example was in my DD chosen sport. She did it from 6 to 16 and its the kind of sport that has some very educated people involved. It should have been one of the safest environments imaginable. TBH it was.

But there were still people involved (On a more fun basis) who had suffered. Depression was a big one. Self harm was another. Then there was eating disorders. OMG was there eating disorders. My daughter got to world level so she was able to access all the information she needed regarding healthy eating. We as parents were taken away for 1-1 discussions with dieticians to discuss issues, triggers and signs we needed to look out for. The children were given healthy information about how to fuel their exercise. REDs was a huge deal. We were about as informed as you could get.

So why did i constantly have to tell mainly women at her gym that we are fully upto speed on how to control her diet (In fact my daughter was so informed she put her own diets together and they were healthy, diverse and full of proper nutrients). That my DD ate perfectly well and in fact ate a brilliant diet that actually provided much more calories than the experts were advising? The projection of issues was astounding. Are you sure? I know someone who will chat to your dd? She looks too slim? etc etc.

In the end i had to be extremely blunt to these very educated and caring people to leave their issues at the door or no longer have any contact with my child. No, a few years later my DD is packed with muscle, has a figure to die for and even though she no longer competes is as fit as a fiddle. Zero eating, health or mental disorders.

Op I hope you're feeling OK after this thread, I've been really shocked and honestly quite disappointed at the lack of awareness and misinformation shown here. I hope you're able to see that for what it is and not take any of that on yourself.

Noone is forcing a 2-5 yo into a conversation around self harm. At that age the chat can be as simple as "that's just how that person's body looks" or "their body must have got hurt and that's how it's healed, we don't need to be afraid and we also don't stare"

There's zero need to get into the specifics of self harm and kids will not make that assumption as that's an adult assumption to make.

Equally as a safeguarding professional I'd say that if you aren't having conversations with your toddler about sex in an age appropriate way then you're missing the boat. The conversation looks like - if someone doesn't like something we stop straight away, if they don't feel comfortable with something they use their big voice and say stop I don't like that, and discussions around how we are the boss of our own bodies. Again the specifics don't come into it but you are laying the foundations which are essential to build on later. It's essential and protective parenting at an age appropriate level.

That's irrelevant.

This is not how this works. Kids at 8 are not just suddenly self harming because they saw a video online.