AIBU to think my employer cannot insist I cover old scars? *[content warning: mentions self-harm]

I don’t think it’s anything to do with the little kids, I think it makes your boss uncomfortable and he therefore thinks it will make parents uncomfortable too (I personally think it won’t). I think it would be unreasonable to expect you to cover up in such hot weather. I am also wondering whether he would be saying the same thing to someone who had an accident, had burns or surgery scars

This is a tough one and I can only speak from my experience of a 5YO. She is insanely inquisitive- she will think about things for days on end, ask countless questions, call it out when something doesn’t make sense. Injuries, death even are all things that become these fascinating concepts (since they studied Tudors in primary) and she is the type of kid to see lines on someone’s arm, and say what did they fall on to make that pattern? But how? So what made this scar? That’s what I would probably find very difficult as a parent.

Saying that, your employer was judging you himself, or a parent said something.

No difference between tattoos and self harm scars? You can’t be serious?

From what I understand from the equality act 2010 you wouldn’t need a formal
diagnosis. (It’s a long while since if used it in work so memory is hazy) the scars themselves are distinct and it’s a recognised ‘symptom of action’ associated with mental health ck dictions diagnosed or otherwise.

Your manager is really out of order.

Speak to ACAS for advice.

''@ThejoyofNC
Because I do not want my children exposed to that type of thing. It's not something I want to normalise in their eyes or start having conversations about. Children are very impressionable and it's well known that self harm can be socially contagious.''

Don't be daft. The OP has made it clear that if anyone asked questions about his scars he mentions a bike accident. These children won't think about this twice once their initial curiosity has been satisfied by that explanation.

You would be surprised what children understand or remember. They may put 2 & 2 together at a later date.

2-5 year olds are the teenagers & vulnerable people of the future.

If it's the odd scar that could be confused with a cycling accident then no problem but if it is obvious self harm scarring them that's different.

Ultimately you could probably argue your case on disability/protected characteristics grounds but I think everyone who works with children has a responsibility to protect them too.

A child seeing an adult they look up to with obvious self harm scars does sow that seed in the child's mind that self harm is a thing.

I dont think is a difference between self harm scars and tattoos to be honest.
You should not have to cover them though.

If anything it should bolster yours and the companies image
No, that’s not how life works.

I think there is an aspect of „exposing children to different type of people“ and exposing those young kids to self harm and resulting scars.

https://amzn.eu/d/0e8AWDdo Tattoo concealer might be a good answer or half sleeves like some people cover their tattoos with them.

I understand how you must feel and I am glad you pulled through and are in a happier place but I for one wouldn’t be comfortable exposing my children to someone with highly visible self-harm scars if I can avoid it. That’s just my personal opinion. I do think your employer is on a sticky wicket to an employment tribunal though.

Why ever not? Is it just self harm scars or scars in general?

It isn't the scars your manager is objecting to though is it? It's what they represent. I don't think he gives an F what the kids think, but there are some VERY judgemental parents around. It may be cut and dried legally, but that doesn’t stop certain minded people from talking shite about the situation. It's a tough one. Not legally, but from "those" type of parents.

Only if you’re diagnosed presumably? I have sh scars but have never received a diagnosis.

If anything it should bolster yours and the companies image.

You’ve shown that you can overcome severe metal illness and be gainfully employed and they are showing (except they aren’t because your boss is being an illegal twat) that they value what their staff bring and employ the best people and aren’t image based.

Wear the company supplied T shirt and if your boss says anything else say you’ll need to discuss it with HR (or similar) to see where his request stands under the equality act. Then send a message to confirm you are contact X to check out the law surrounding his request you cover your scars.

in case you need a paper trail in future.

Presumably op had a mental health condition when they were self harming. Mental health conditions are a form of disability. They are being treated differently due to their (former) condition therefore that is discrimination.

Because I do not want my children exposed to that type of thing. It's not something I want to normalise in their eyes or start having conversations about. Children are very impressionable and it's well known that self harm can be socially contagious.

There is a well documented social contagion aspect to self harm.

And some children start earlier than teens.

Discrimination against what?

Why?

I have children. I have SH scars. My children have never been at risk due to my scars.
2/3 of them have enquired about them. I have explained they're just scars and pivoted the conversation to why the body scars, how it heals and how it's best to protect out skin to avoid scarring.

2-5 yo is a pretty impactful age to see self harm scars - they’re quite distinctive / different to those after an accident etc. I would understand if he framed it in that light (as in - hey would really appreciate if you could cover due to children asking questions) but him saying it’ll damage the company image is disgusting. There’s a big difference between considering what is age / industry appropriate for their customers and just plain judgement.

Why not? (I’m asking this With genuine interest - not to be difficult)

I wouldn't want my children seeing them so I can understand why they've done it.

If they gave you the t-shirt, then that's arguably what you are expected to wear.

He's on a sticky wicket for discrimination., unless they are open wounds, or there are health and safety concerns he can't ask you to cover them.

As for the company image - having a manager who doesn't understand the Equality Act doesn't give a good impression!