AIBU to think my employer cannot insist I cover old scars? *[content warning: mentions self-harm]

There is no issues with showing your scars, if you boss has an issue then he needs to reflect on why it makes him uncomfortable.
The evidence shows that expose to scars alone would be highly unlikely to trigger a child to self harm, the biggest influences are their peers and online content. If fact a child who is struggling may be more likely to speak to you about it if they are on show, although this is unlikely in 2-5 year olds.
People need to consider why it makes them feel uncomfortable and why they would feel relief if the OP covered up. A clue around this is it isn’t about the children!

I’m with you. I see no reason why you should cover them up. The problem lies with your boss being a twat. Children in that age group will accept your explanation and tbh if any parent has a problem with your scars that’s their problem not yours.

I think you mean Equality Act 2010, DDA 1995 is largely superseded now.
i guess it would be protection from harassment or less favourable treatment or similar.

I imagine this is RugbyTots? The kids are so little they would have no clue what the scars are from. With older kids (say teens), I imagine you might want to cover them up yourself, but if you didn't then it still shouldn't be an issue, assuming the scars are visibly healed and in no way recent.

Why???

I agree you shouldn’t have to cover either, but I think it’s somehow much worse to suggest someone should have to hide their scars!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-64874355

This article details that self harm in kids has been on the rise and includes kids as young as 8. So I also understand view points about not wishing 5 year olds to be exposed to this in anyway and it not be normalised.

That’s not what I said at all. Just pointing out that some people have them and very few young children would ever guess what they were unless told - and obviously they shouldn’t be told.

As someone with SH scars I agree with your boss.

There is a taboo around them for a very good reason- it is not healthy! it is not something that needs to be destigmatised for goodness sake, especially to children!

I’m kind of incredulous at the people who think it is fine to have them on show in front of children. It really is not.

None of that means the people who have scars (like me) should not be treated with compassion and understanding but fgs. Have some common sense around it. There really is something true about people’s minds being so open their brains have fallen out.

I’m sorry this has happened. I don’t see an issue with visible scars.

I’d inform my union, if I were in this situation. Hope you’re okay, OP.

Stop trying to normalise it. You make it sound like we’ve all encountered dozens of people with self inflicted scars when we were young but were just too ditzy to notice it.

What if the scaring was due to some other than self harm? Would they still expect you to cover up? For example burns?

This 💯!

Your employer is being totally unreasonable! How dare they! Ignore and wear what you’re comfortable wearing.

You could come up with taller and taller tales if you are ever asked, eg “from when I fell in a holly bush” through to ”from when I escaped from a cage of tigers”
A long sleeved wicking t shirt under the official t shirt would also work, and save on suncream

I’m going to agree that working with children does make it different to other work places.

Would UV sleeves be ok for the heat?

I don't know why you and others are trying to make out they are just scars when they really aren't. But I assume you've never met a child either.

Baffled by this - those who would want OP to cover up, would you insist your own friends or relatives with such scars cover up too, since you “don’t want them around your children”.

I was fully clueless as a child and didn’t know what a self harm scar looked like until I was in my twenties and a colleague/friend at some point explained to me what her scars were. No doubt I’d seen plenty over the years and just not clicked - one or two people close to me I then realised about after that chat. I know a few people who tell any child who asks that they used to be a lion tamer etc.

To be completely honest, i saw someone with self harm scars all down their arms and legs while i was in a queue at a theme park last week. It really is quite jarring and shocking to see, in comparison to other scars from surgery or a bike accident for example.

If you were honest with yourself you would admit that the idea of seeing these scars makes you uncomfortable.

It really has nothing to do with the faux concern about the kids who will be more interested in playing sports and enjoying themselves than in their coach's arms and at that age would not recognise self harm scars anyway.

I have visible scars in one of my arms, not from self harm, but from parental neglect and I also have another rather large scar due to surgery. I can assure you that no kids has ever felt the need to ask me about them and if any employer asked me to cover them up I would go straight to HR.

People will have visible scars for many reasons and they should not be made to fill like it is a dirty secret that should be hidden.

What..exposed to scars, what a ridiculous statement. By seeing scars it’s not normalising anything. Tbh I doubt any child would know what those scars look like and tbh I’d be teaching my child not to comment on other people’s bodies.

Definitely get some legal advice.

My son has scars (not caused by SH) but one in particular on his neck is obviously always available for people to see. He just tells other children what happened or why it is there if they know what happened but are still curious if they ask and it's no big deal, just like your bike story which is fine considering what really happened and the age of the children.

The children you work with are young. A 2 year old isn't going to be like ''ohhh, looks like self harm scars to me'' when you tell them the bike story.

I’m sorry OP but with compassion I am with your boss here.

Its well known that normalising things like self harm creates a risk of social contagion. In the same way that there’s a risk of being exposed to anorexia or suicidal ideation.

You have no need to be ashamed but its a safeguarding issue. If I were the parent of one of those children I would not want this to be discussed and normalised.

If you only worked with adults with good mental health then it wouldn’t be an issue to show your scars. However, you’re working with children so you need to hide the scars because they are self inflicted and children might be curious and try cutting their arms too whenever they feel sad.

Scars from surgery or an accident are completely different and not comparable. I say this as someone who was a self destructive teen but didn’t cut. Most of us did stuff we regret, but I wouldn’t want my young child seeing self harm cuts everyday she is at nursery.

My 5 year old is currently learning to ride a bike so tbh i wouldn’t want you telling him that you got them from a bike fall either.

I take it you've never met a child then?

Yanbu