AIBU to think my employer cannot insist I cover old scars? *[content warning: mentions self-harm]

They're not just scars though are they? They weren't accidental, they were intentional. You did them to yourself.

Pretty much the exact same as a tattoo without ink. Really inappropriate to be promoting and normalising this around young children.

5yo are not stupid, if they are obvious SH scars then they tend to look very different to other types.

Sometimes protecting children's innocence is more important then protecting your feelings.

Also I’d go as far as to say that for older children or teenagers who may themselves be self-harming, seeing someone who has clearly long-since healed and has moved on with their life and is happy and positive can be a good thing. Simply existing with SH scars doesn’t glamourise anything.

Otherwise mentally healthy young people aren’t going to be triggered to self harm because they saw someone with scars. But it may open up a conversation with someone who is struggling.

I don’t think you even have to give a reason for them, OP, it’s your body. Just say ‘That’s just the way my body looks’ and carry on.

This! Sorry Op.

Exactly

Well for starters your assumption re children is wrong! Yes they are just scars. Just because they’re self-inflicted doesn’t mean that they have to kept hidden. I’ve worked with vulnerable people who self-harmed and I always said if anyone has an issue with seeing those scars, that’s their problem not the problem of the person of who self-harmed.

My daughter has a sports coach with extensive self harm scars. They started coaching her when she was about 8 and she’s now 11. At some point my daughter asked and they gave a basic explanation and we had one discussion about it (mainly because the coach said they saw a MH nurse and that’s my job.

My daughter now has a friend who self harms, we have talked about it a lot and it has been helpful to see her coach do so well with their life after experience similar issues to her friend.

I wouldn't be happy with the explanation of bike riding. That could really make a kid fearful at an age parents are trying to build their confidence.

Can't you just say I had a medical condition that gave me the scars but I'm all better now. That's not exactly lying and I think kids are used to this being the explanation for a lot of things- why is that man in a wheelchair/ have a red mark on his face/ missing a leg etc.

I didn’t say it included anything about seeing scars. My point was to highlight that kids as young as 8, not ThAT far off the age ground op is teaching, are self harming.

The replies on here are sad and show that society has a long way to go when it comes to mental health. Most 2-5 year olds would accept that OP fell of a bike and leave it as that. I think it’s the parents who have the problem here not the kids. Hope someone comes along to offer you some advice OP.

Sorry but I miss the bit where it says this is linked to seeing people with scars is affecting this.
The article clearly links to other factors causing the self harm

You are their coach, role model. They would want to emulate you. You should not show them your scars, they are children. I remember my skating coach, her makeup and hairstyle - we all tried to imitate her style, literally copy her, almost all of us, individually, not even colluding.

However wear your scars as a proud survivor in all other contexts - evening gown, going out, etc. etc.

Or, if they the children get to see them, please please lie - like you said 'motorcycle', or something else.

There's a world of difference between seeing a professional adult with scars and no context and being with peers who are doing it and sometimes glamourising it either intentionally or unintentionally. When we talk about social contagion that's what that means fgs. As someone who's worked in this field hth.

This is quite likely discrimination against your mental health, I would contact ACAS about the matter.

For what it is worth, I would have no issue with you teaching my kids with your scars on full display, healed scars show you are a survivor. I would probably feel that you would be someone who have some genuine empathy with someone who might be struggling and might be able to support them and direct them to sources of help.

I Hope it all works out for you OP xx

What about older siblings coming along to pick up your tiny rugby players? What about older kids playing or training in the same park or sports’ centre? I don’t think it’s possible to say that only kids age 2-5 will see and therefore you think it’s fine.

In a way. I have a school mum aquaintence who self harms and walks around with her arm full of marks...... and she draws attention to it...... I don't walk with her anymore, there's absolutely no way it's being normalised to my kids

Under UK law, an employer generally cannot legally insist an employee cover up old, fully healed self-harm scars simply because they work with children. Under the Equality Act 2010 a history of self-harm is usually linked to a long-term mental health condition. Mental health conditions and severe disfigurements are often classed as disabilities. Employers are prohibited from discriminating against workers with disabilities and cannot treat them unfavourably.

Couldn't you have told your Boss that, and avoided an issue like this?

I don’t doubt that but I imagine the vast majority of children that age wouldn’t see scarring and think self-harm, unless they were already aware of it from somewhere else.

And for a child to recognise them as self-harm scars specifically, they have to know that self-harm exists in the first place, so it’s not really protecting them from anything that way either. At that point they will already be aware it exists or they wouldn’t know what they were.

Nonsense op. I've worked with this demographic and had colleagues with visible sh scarring. It's never been an issue and actually the young people respected the hell out of the staff member for being unapologetic about their own journey plus it showed recovery was possible.

Your boss is being an utter dickhead. I'd join a union op, get advice and continue wearing what's work and weather appropriate. If its mentioned again ask for a copy of the company policy on appearance and if they produce one read it and give a copy to your union rep.

I'd imagine a union would go to town on something this shit.

You mention your 7 year old, but i have posted a bbc news article on the thread that details an increase in self harm from 8 years old.

I think i would prefer a different explanation than falling off a bike though, considering the age range of learning to ride bikes.

2-5yos will have no concept of them being self-harm scars or otherwise. Neither of my kids (7 and nearly 4) would have a clue. So I don’t buy it will upset kids.

I'm glad you survived, OP and wish you the best but I fully agree with this post.

another example of Mental Health still being taboo, hidden under the carpet and ignored, boils my piss. I am so sorry @ThisCyanBeaker that you are going through this shocking situation. As others have suggested I would contact ACAS.