AIBU to think my employer cannot insist I cover old scars? *[content warning: mentions self-harm]

So what if someone has scars that look like SH scars, but actually came about through accidental causes?
Like fell through a window at such an angle that the cuts all lined up pretty neatly? Caught their arm/leg on a wire fence when running? What if the scars were the result of someone else harming them?
Would all these scars need to be covered at 30°+?

Even if your story of falling off a bike works with 5 year olds, they'll reach an age when they do realise what the scars were and that will contribute to normalised ideas about self harming.

I can understand it makes your employer uncomfortable but surely compassion and understanding are the correct responses not shame and blame?

Kids need to understand that bad things happen to people but you get through them and come out the other side.

@ThisCyanBeaker So if you had been attacked then would employer insist on covering up? No, I don't think so.

Can you show me the evidence it increases the chances? This is absolute nonsense. I have 4 younger siblings that I never wore long sleeves around and none of them have even thought about self harming. 3 godchildren and 4 children. Again none of them have ever thought about, let alone self harmed. My scars are severe too. Please dont put that fear on to others. Its hard enough as it is.

Can you point me towards the research you are quoting here? This is an area of research I am involved in and would be interested to see the research and stats to verify your claims

And those of us who've got self harm scars and have children are supposed to do what, exactly? And I'm afraid your kids will see people with SH scars whether you like it or not.

What about scars from car accidents or surgery?

I've worked with young children, (18 months to 9 year olds.) If they ask about them I just say I was ill (true) and that I got them then. They don't need to know the ins and outs.

Wearing long sleeves wasn't an option when I worked in a café because of food safety, the last place I worked i wouldn't have worn them in the summer because it was boiling (warehouse.)

Sleeves bother the person who actually will have to wear them. She doesn’t want to wear long sleeves in a heat wave, and she shouldn’t have to.

We can get triggered every day by stuff we see, that’s just part of life. Making people hide parts of themselves away because it makes us feel uncomfortable (and I do believe that’s the main issue here - people, and by that I mean adults, don’t like to see it as we feel awkward or uncomfortable or don’t want to answer difficult questions from our children) isn’t really the answer.

Your right, and seeing people eating can be triggering for children with eating disorders, so we will stop that when out and about, someone shouting can be triggering for people who have experienced DA, so don’t call your kids at the park, seeing someone with cancer can be triggering for those who have a family member with the condition so they should stay at home …….

That was my thinking - my very curious child has been a very logical, scientifically minded thinker since about the age of 4 (still the same at 6). There's no way he would believe self-harm scars were caused by falling off a bike (I'm assuming lots of straight lines). That's not to say you should cover them but I think it's naive to think all children will accept a made up explanation.

I wonder how many of those who would want op to cover their arms have exposed their children to smoking, vaping or alcohol consumption. All arguably societal contagions that fall into the self harm category?

Still a massive difference between age 5 (Reception or Y1) and age 8.

I have a deeply unhappy almost 8yo who has said things about wanting to be dead. I'm not sure what I would say if he asked me questions about self harm scars. I generally opt for age-appropriate but truthful. If he found out about the concept of self harm, he would be deeply upset by it but I doubt it would give him ideas to do it himself. I think the social contagion aspect of it is a red herring here. I imagine that happens in teenage peer groups. I can't imagine self harm being contagious in the sense that seeing scars would give someone the idea of doing it. If you're not inclined to self harm you won't do it, and if you are inclined to self harm then you are likely to do it even without seeing it around you. In the same way that my son did not know about the concept of suicide yet still said he wanted to be dead.

(I feel I need to explain that we are seeking help for my son. We are crushed by his unhappiness. My somewhat detached tone here is because the thread is not about him.)

I hope your children grow up to have less narrow-minded and judgemental attitudes than the ones you're expressing on this thread.

This could possibly be split into 2 different issues. There is the legal aspect, could they lawfully ask op to cover up? Probably not. But then there are potential consequences to consider. It is clear from this thread that some parents wouldn’t be happy with it and it would then fall to how this would impact the business.

Equally you could say they could be hugely triggering for any young person in recovery.

Or imagine if one of them had an elder sibling/ relative who had similar scars but is no longer around. Could be very upsetting. We just don't know, do we. Sleeves however don't bother anyone.

Kids are going to be exposed to self harm whatever parents do - perhaps occasionally seeing those of us who’ve recovered well enough to function usefully and enjoy life might be less harmful than you imagine.

If it’s someone like Rubgy Tots then sadly I’m not surprised as we have found them terrible.

Write an email following up, factual and not emotional, in order to document the conversation and then approach ACAS for guidance

Yes - apologies! as I said it’s a while since I’ve used it at work. It falls between ‘disability
protection’ and ‘severe disfigurement’ - and is certainly a form of discrimination.

Wearing her short sleeved uniform on a hot day isn't promoting anything though.

It would be different if OP was sitting them down and telling them all about self harming but she isn't.

Was your big boss at the session, if not, realistically he can have only found out from a parent complaining.

I wouldn’t mind someone who works for me showing them, but the reality of the situation is that if parents complain they will find a reason to get rid of you.

I’m sorry, and it shouldn’t be that way, but pragmatically you might need to cover them to keep your job.

Sorry but I wouldn’t want my young children to see these scars and think that they should be covered. These scars are different to tattoos or accident / burn / birthmark scars. 5 year olds will ask about them and will talk about them to their parents. Young children do self harm and do copy people that they may admire or look up to, such as sports coaches. I am sorry that you have been through this and have previously self harmed and hope you are in a better place now.
Your bosses comment about damaging the company is not valid.
sorry if this is not a popular view.

You're right about social contagion but my understanding, having worked with lots of teens who self harm, is that its about group think amongst their peers, not seeing them on an unrelated, unconnected adult.

I’m more thinking about 5 year olds than 2 year olds.

Then if i think about a kid who is self harming at 8 years old, we may consider things happened for a while that lead to this, so maybe it started at 7 etc, they may have seen something online, or spoken to older kids.

Huge, huge difference between 2-5 (nursery and EYFS) and an 8yo, who will be in Y3 or Y4, so KS2.