Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep my two-year-old at nursery when displaying increasing aggressive behaviour?

187 replies

ThePoisedOpalBird · 27/05/2026 18:18

I'm partly posting here as it gets more replies and also because i'm not sure whats best.

I have a lovely 2 year old who has been put on a ABC review due to aggressive behaviour. So far he has been on it a week and it seems to have got worse! He has had around 12 incidents in the space of a week ranging from pushing kids down to trying to hit with items or just straight out smacking them in the face. So far nursery have not identified a single trigger!

He is casually walking up to these kids seemingly happy and then hurting them. There is no overwhelming crying or other kids taking his toys etc. He just seems to walk up to them, hurt them, smile and now runs away from his teachers (I assume as he now knows they are going to remove him from the situation and do a different activity with him.

I'm at a loss of how nursery are going to tackle this when there is seemingly no cause? Could he just be bored?

I guess my aibu is do I let nursery continue to try and work this out and hopefully he doesn't end up being kicked out. Or would it be more reasonable to remove him and keep him at home?

Any advice greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
Abracadabra12345 · 27/05/2026 19:58

Makaton signs I think

Original poster
ThePoisedOpalBird · 27/05/2026 18:49

Kittycat2mom · 27/05/2026 18:47

How is his speech? I generally find that children who have a limited vocabulary may go through this stage, its generally frustration because they can't tell us what they want. Teaching simple marathon signs or using visual cards oftern helps until their speech develops further. It's fairly common ime as a childminder.

Sorry what are marathon signs?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePoisedOpalBird · 27/05/2026 18:49

Kittycat2mom · 27/05/2026 18:47

How is his speech? I generally find that children who have a limited vocabulary may go through this stage, its generally frustration because they can't tell us what they want. Teaching simple marathon signs or using visual cards oftern helps until their speech develops further. It's fairly common ime as a childminder.

He can generally tell us what he wants now most of the time. Ie. Drink, outside, food etc and he can put some words together now.

OP posts:
Kittycat2mom · 27/05/2026 18:47

How is his speech? I generally find that children who have a limited vocabulary may go through this stage, its generally frustration because they can't tell us what they want. Teaching simple marathon signs or using visual cards oftern helps until their speech develops further. It's fairly common ime as a childminder.

Original poster
ThePoisedOpalBird · 27/05/2026 18:42

Abracadabra12345 · 27/05/2026 18:38

Did his behaviour change after the baby came along? It often does

It has 100% got worse! He has a few times before his brother came along that they mentioned he was a bit 'handsy' and pushy but they put it down to him moving up to the toddler room. Since his brother came along it has just become bad to the point he has 7 incidents yesterday alone!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePoisedOpalBird · 27/05/2026 18:39

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/05/2026 18:27

What are you doing at home to fix this behaviour? Are you role playing with teddy bears what friendly play looks like and doesn’t look like?

Going to the park and over talking up how he played so nicely and made mummy so proud

It’s not a nursery problem to solve it’s a parenting problem to solve

I have a baby brother and teddys who we model gentle hands, hugging, playing etc.

He has no issues playing with other kids. Nursery say 90% of the day he is amazing and affectionate and plays amazingly. He isnt lashing out whilst playing he is literally leaving what his is doing and walking up to other children and hurting them.

He gets so much praise when we go soft play or see his cousins or any general day out when he is being super good and keeping his hands to himself.

Whilst I agree its my issue to fix nursery have 3-7 incidentd a day. I have maybe 1 a week where he bites or hits his brother or a family member. The rest of the time he is crazy and can have serious tantrums but we don't experience the same level of hitting, shoving, kicking etc that nursery are getting so i am finding it hard to know how to help and improve it.

OP posts:
Abracadabra12345 · 27/05/2026 18:38

Did his behaviour change after the baby came along? It often does

Original poster
ThePoisedOpalBird · 27/05/2026 18:33

MondeoFan · 27/05/2026 18:22

Does he have siblings or cousins etc that he sees often?

His sibling is only 3 months. We have started seeing his cousins recently where we have had no issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePoisedOpalBird · 27/05/2026 18:32

FoxandDuck · 27/05/2026 18:20

What is his behaviour like at home? Or when you take him to toddler groups or visit friends with similar aged DC?

We don't go toddler groups as there are none on on his non nursery days. He has had a few incidents at home (biting my dad and sister) and occasionally hitting his brother (usually only when he is overwhelmed).

With my nieces and nephews who are a little older he hasnt had any issues and just a couple of issues at softplay which we removed him each time as a consequence.

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/05/2026 18:27

What are you doing at home to fix this behaviour? Are you role playing with teddy bears what friendly play looks like and doesn’t look like?

Going to the park and over talking up how he played so nicely and made mummy so proud

It’s not a nursery problem to solve it’s a parenting problem to solve

MondeoFan · 27/05/2026 18:22

Does he have siblings or cousins etc that he sees often?

FoxandDuck · 27/05/2026 18:20

What is his behaviour like at home? Or when you take him to toddler groups or visit friends with similar aged DC?