AIBU to keep my two-year-old at nursery when displaying increasing aggressive behaviour?

FWIW I don't think the poster was saying you need to have a solution. It is unfair and it's OK that it's unfair - life is not fair 100% of the time and even 2 year olds can handle that. They might not handle it totally in the way we would love but he is not being traumatised or damaged by the experience.

This is a temporary phase of life and it will get easier, for all of you.

These have good resources for speech/communication. https://speechandlanguage.org.uk/

There is a good series called The Out of Sync Child including Growing an In Sync Child which has lots of ideas for activities to help development, although this is more physical development than communication.

You said you did an ASQ questionnaire - it's the 27 month one you want if he's not quite 2y3m old. They are quite specific to exact ages.

However in general - he is 2. You have a newborn who is very demanding. It is hot. You have a HV appointment and the nursery are implementing their own plans. It's likely a phase and he will likely grow out of it without a huge amount of fuss or intervention. Yes do keep an eye in case it's part of a wider pattern or in case anything gets worse. But mainly, don't stress. He's only very little yet. It's very unlikely you have done anything terribly wrong.

Type into google something like “shared attention activities for toddlers speech and language” just 5 mins a day is all you need. Aside from that, reading, singing, general chatter (not from an iPad) and exposure to different places, environments etc.
The reason children needing to be ‘socialised’ before school is a new development, is because our understanding has changed. A big part of school readiness is being able to share a space with other children, share, interact, follow simple routines, pay attention. I’m not saying children need to go to nursery, but if they don’t they should be regularly attending groups and activities to help with these things.

You have your answer- you are giving 100% of your attention and love to the baby and you 2 year old is lashing out because it is completely unfair- I agree with him.

Nurseries are experts at getting quite small children to follow tasks/rituals/instructions. It can take a bit of practice at home. It is quite unusual though if he doesn't follow instructions ever at all. Do you mean even for things when you're playing a game together which he's enjoying? For example if you are getting him dressed, will he push his arm through a sleeve when asked? If you hold out his shoe will he put his foot into it? Or if you were playing with a ball and said "Throw it to me!" or "Get it in the box!" would he (try to) do that?

It is vv normal of course for 2yos to be masters of "No!" around things they don't want to do but it is normal IME for them to understand and follow instructions when it's something which is fun or which they see the benefit of.

I understand your worries, but this level of socialisation before school is a relatively new thing- I didn't go to school until I was 5 and I never went to nursery, and most of my friends didn't either- we were fine.
You need to build his communication skills at home, you can't expect others to do it for you.

A 30 minute walk? He isn't a dog. He needs your time and your attention.
Leave the baby with your partner and do something with him. The kid probably feels he has lost his place in the family and doesn't yet have the cognitive ability to communicate that without lashing out.

It does sound like there’s possibly a mild speech delay. People may slate me and say they all develop different etc which is true but I have experience in this area, and from little bits you have said it does sound like maybe he is slightly behind. I think that, plus the arrival of new baby is probably what is going on. I don’t think you need to worry at this stage. Have his 2 year review if you haven’t already, ask for tips on improving speech and the rest will get easier in time when things settle with having a new baby.
5 mins a day of an activity that creates shared attention is all you really need to do to make progress with both speech, and bonding time.

Yes of course they can.

They don't have to single your son out to do it either, it can be done as a group activity so it isn't taking away resources.

So for kids that like deep pressure or proprioceptive input, it can be scheduled time on climbing equipment, deep pressure under pillows or bean bags, it can even be yoga and rubbing down body parts or what we call "squeezing out the sillies" where we squeeze his arms and his legs.

Ideally they would implement this in small intervals for between 2-10 minutes every other hour as a way to reset.

A nursery sensory diet plan for kids who don't have any recognised SEN, or other medical and therapeutic input might include:

movement breaks

heavy work/play

calming sensory activities

environmental adjustments

predictable routines

support during transitions

opportunities for oral sensory input

co-regulation with adults

Nursery are unlikely to be able to do a sensory diet plan. That is something an occupational therapist can do but they are unlikely to have one on hand.

How long are the days? If you say he generally hits at home when he gets overwhelmed then maybe he's just kind of had enough after a certain point, and if you say it's increased after the ABC plan and they take him away to do something 1:1 it might be he is doing it because he wants more adult attention. Maybe they should try keeping him busy with little jobs/challenges so he doesn't get bored and look to hit other children. Then if he does hit, make the reaction much more boring.

Probably better to jump before you are pushed, and try to get to the bottom of why he is acting this way.

It sounds like he doesn't really understand that he is hurting them. If he isn't angry and has a happy attitude when doing it. 2 year olds don't really get that other people are people in a sense. They interact with them but have no concept of empathy. He just sounds like a typical 2 year old.

So we all have 8 senses and we all have needs related to those senses.

Touch
Taste
Sight
Sound
Smell
Interoception- what's happening inside, are we too hot, cold, hungry, thirsty, in pain, need the bathroom, overstimulated, understimulated
Proprioception- this is our interaction with the space around us and pressure, some people crave deep pressure input through roughhousing and literally need it to regulate, some can't cope with deep pressure and need light touch, some find light touch physically painful, and sometimes it's all of them at the same time and it can be confusing
Vestibular- this is our balance sense. Some people turn their head wrong and go dizzy and then you've got some people who can go straight from doing waltzers level spinning to walking in a straight line in seconds.

We all have to meet these needs. They may be hyperactive needs or hypoactive needs.

Nursery really should (and can) do a sensory diet plan for your son so they understand his needs better. Maybe they can incorporate it as a proactive method of regulation rather than a reactive method of regulation to prevent instances of hitting or biting.