to think it is acceptable to smack someone if they touch your body, even if they have dementia? Part 2

Send a male carer in. See if they are still touchy feely

I think the issue in the specific scenario in your OP is that all 3 people involved were acting on instinct. The man grabbing, you hitting and the care worker calling out to protect her patient. We all have instinctive reactions but we also have the ability in most circumstances to not act on them. The only person who didn’t have that ability was the man with dementia.

Well it’s an interesting discussion when some seem to have the view of either
-you should expect to sexually assaulted in some locations
-if you are, it’s your fault
-if you are, you shouldn’t react and there’s nothing you should do to defend yourself?

Exactly! This isn't binary- put up with it or smack the person. Protect yourself from unwanted attention without hurting a vulnerable person. Understandable that you lashed out when you were startled, but you can be prepared next time.

So what? Does the discussion need to keep going until you’re told you were in the right?

Well again, no one is talking about children but you.
Like I said the first time I posted on this thread, I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m heartless.
And for what it’s worth, I would not be “happy” to be put in such a situation - you do use odd words you know.
Anyway, you have no need to try and work out anything about me.

No I’m just trying to work out what kinds of disabled people you’re happy to hit. Bearing in mind you’ve gone into their home.

Neither me nor the OP are referring to children so your attempt to vilify me has fallen flat.

Would you hit a disabled child? If not, why not?

(Do bear in mind here that the OP is knowingly going into a care home where it is very obviously going to be full of disabled people)

Hasn’t it just. The idea that assaulting a disabled person is perfectly okay if they act according to their disability is held by a worrying number of posters.

I would absolutely swat away the hand if I was inappropriately touched.

While I understand that the other person may have dementia or learning difficulties, my body remains my own regardless.

If I appear heartless, so be it.

Women have far too long been encouraged to be kind or think of others, to our own detriment.

No, but maybe the poster was saying that the assault is similar to the consequence of not adapting to surroundings , so the traffic accident.

I have, very sadly, a lot of experience of people suffering with dementia. If someone finds themselves routinely hitting people with dementia, because of the sufferers behaviour, I would have to suggest you change your behaviour so it doesn’t happen.

Meeting your father in his room? Meeting in a quieter place in the care home? I’m sure there are solutions here that don’t result in disabled people being hit.

@Seeingadistance the norms to which you refer are not comparable to s. assault - speaking Spanish and paying in Euros is not comparable to having one's private parts grabbed.

When I caught up on the previous thread I saw some comments along the lines of how was the OP to know whether or not the residents had dementia. I work on the assumption that the residents in my DF’s home do have dementia or some degree of cognitive impairment and that they may behave in unpredictable or inappropriate ways due to that.

Thinking about it, in all the time I’ve visited that nursing home, I can think of only two of the residents I’ve got to know who do have their wits about them, and they are both extremely frail.

I would also like to say that it has been thoroughly depressing to see up close how few people understand dementia and how it doesn’t just affect memory but instead takes away the whole person.

I’ve been out all day, but have read and contributed to the previous thread. In my first post on that thread I pointed out that when I visit my DF in his nursing home I am always aware of where other residents are and what they’re doing or likely to do, and am always prepared to move away or alert staff if necessary. The OP has consistently rejected the idea that she should modify her own behaviour while in the nursing home - ie, take account of the fact that she is a visitor in a place which is home to vulnerable and ill adults, many of whom lack capacity.

This thread has been on my mind, particularly the fact that OP seems not to understand that nursing homes have their own particular environment in which the social norms of the outside world often do not prevail. It is because it is such a different environment that the OP does need to modify her behaviour and her perception of the residents.

I’m currently on holiday in Spain - a country with different norms and ways of doing things. If I were to adopt the OP’s approach to being in a nursing home to being here I would soon find myself in trouble by driving on the wrong side of the road, insisting on paying in pounds instead of euros and expecting everyone to understand English!

When you are somewhere where things are done differently it benefits everyone for you adapt to that environment - whether that’s a country or a nursing home.

And to appreciate that you are a visitor in someone else’s space.

Because she’s already filled the first one.

I think it pays to have your wits about you but women shouldn’t need to be on constant high-alert for SA.

The responsibility lays with the staff, and I include myself in that.

That said I worked in a busy nursing home (mostly dementia) and supported a man who had history (including prison time) for CSA.

The manager still thought it was appropriate to have playgroups and schools visit and allow him to sit them on his knee.

Nothing the staff said would convince the manager how dangerous this was as he presented as a ‘harmless old man’. He once knocked me out (we were understaffed); he was no way harmless. He was strong AF.

More education is needed around these situations. Or care homes to provide family rooms they could book for visits. One home I worked in families could ‘book’ the conservatory for uninterrupted visits.

If these are people who are disinhibited by dementia or similar, you are going to have to take some measures to avoid this happening again though.

Wow, a 1000 posts and still not got anywhere

1000 is the maximum