to think it is acceptable to smack someone if they touch your body, even if they have dementia? Part 2

Hit.

Yep I would also swat their hand away. What exactly do you understand the action “swat” to mean?

The OP is visiting a family member who she has some concerns about due to where they are living. She's not going into an unsafe situation for shits and giggles. It might be worth a try to see if the staff can arrange a safe space for her to sit with her family member but that depends on how competent they are.

Every so often I see news reports of visitors to safari parks who choose to get out their car for a stroll round the lions’ enclosure. Before this thread I wondered what kind of person would do that.

British visitor to Spain - best to modify their behaviour to avoid harm and inconvenience/discomfort.

Visitor to nursing home - best to modify their behaviour to avoid harm and inconvenience/discomfort.

@Seeingadistance I am saying it is a poor analogy.

If your reflex action is to hit then you need to do all you reasonably can to not put yourself in that situation. You are not doing that.

My severely disabled adult son can hit when in distress. For example by the sound of screaming babies. He would be extremely unlikely to hit a member of the public, in fact he would hurt himself first, but we make sure that he is out of reach of members of the public when in situations where triggers are likely.

As for disabled children, in my experience most parents of disabled children do watch and step in when it comes to their interactions with others. If you know someone is vulnerable and you are caring for them then this is part of keeping them safe.

Discussion "a conversation or exchange of ideas and opinions between two or more people aimed at understanding a specific subject, exploring solutions, or reaching a decision"

I don't think you are doing that. You are right though, this particular 'discussion' is not for me.

I am only glad you are not visiting the care home my FIL lives in.

YANBU.

A lot of people would reflexively slap someone's hand away. Some may even do more (hit or punch someone).

People have different backgrounds and prior experiences. Someone that has been assaulted previously or has trauma due to non consensual touch might hit out before they even realise they've done it. It's absolutely natural instinct that if someone sexually assaults you you hit back.

In terms of touching other parts of your body, I can understand why somebody might react similarly. If someone is willing to grab or touch your stomach, legs, it's not a stretch to imagine they might be willing to breach your bodily boundaries/consent in other ways. But of course there is context. Someone tapping you on your arm is very different to grabbing the top of your arm hard in a way that means you can't easily get away.

Women are constantly told they should just smile and let it go, question their own actions, what did they do to deserve it? Don't risk upsetting the aggressor further.

Reminders me of a Reddit post recently where a woman had been at a park with her baby when a large man with two care workers with him with apparently a learning disability had come over and grabbed them by the hair and yanked. They had a really sore neck, but it was the absolute terror of being assaulted in public while responsible for their baby that traumatised them. So many responses were 'he can't help it, it's unfair to expect him not to go to the park, have some empathy for him'. It was quite scary to see inside the minds of how some people think.

Like the low IQ lads who raced those girls?

Swatting a hand away is fine.
Being aware of your surroundings is also fine.
Putting up with inappropriate touching "because dementia" is not fine but see above for situational awareness.

That’s not how assault is defined

As are the elderly men. From the women.

Absolutely. This is not victim blaming, it’s sheer common sense.

ALL of them? Nah.
You’re only responding to the post which suit you.
I ask again…..have you had treatment for your PTSD?

I asked her to start a new one as I thought it was interesting. So blame me!

People have also pointed out that this indicates a badly managed home and are surprised that you aren’t worried about your grandfather living in such a chaotic environment.

In the last thread one poster described a similar incident and that had been reported by the nursing home to the Police and other outside agencies which have oversight of nursing homes.

This.

Here’s another analogy for the OP and those who don’t think she should change her behaviour in response to what has happened to her no less than 4 times.

Last year I was walking on a public foothpath when I was attacked by dogs. I was dragged to the ground and bitten. I was treated at hospital for my injuries, I reported the attack to Police and Dog Warden, I asked local people about the dogs and discovered that these dogs have a history of aggression and being allowed to foam freely.

Have I modified my behaviour as a result? Yes. I have not walked on that footpath again and when walking elsewhere, if I see unrestrained dogs, I can choose to change route and sometimes abandon my walk altogether.

If I were to adopt the OP’s approach to a known risk, I would have been back on that path the next day - got bitten, and the next day - got bitten etc.

If you have experienced any kind of harm, and you do not have the power to eliminate the cause of the harm, it makes sense to change your behaviour to avoid it happening again.

In my situation it was unrestrained dogs with an irresponsible owner. In the OP’s situation it’s a nursing home with residents whose impulse control has been destroyed by dementia.

Now that it has been explained to the OP that people with dementia are in the nursing home she visits, it is her responsibility to use her wits to avoid harm to herself.

Oh my I didn’t read the entire previous post. Thats wild.
I was asked if I was happy to hit disabled children because the poster wanted to work out what I was happy with!
No one is on about children and in any case I’m sure you aren’t happy about the situation as whole.
I know exactly what you mean by smacking the hand away - I refer to it as swatting or batting - but I know exactly what you mean and I don’t think it’s an unreasonable reaction when there’s been unwanted and inappropriate touching.