To not let DH go to this woman’s house?

I never really understand this level of control and jealousy in a marriage and always assume these are the ones likely to end.

to be honest, if my husband said I don’t like your jacket I’d be like yeah alright who cares, if someone else said it in our group, I’d probably go oh ok and consider changing. I’d be utterly bemused if my husband then said do you fancy him and would you ask him out. It would be so insecure, jealous and needy I’d proper get the ick

I assume the issue here is you think she’s attractive, so you’re jealous in the base case.

stopping him getting a hair cut just shines a big spotlight on your jealousy. I’d have no issues, but if I did. I’d say yeah, sure, but ask her to come here and we can have lunch or something.

the bottom line is if you trust him then there is no reason for him to say no. Unless it’s simply you’re so jealous of her and her appearance, and he’s just made it worse by confirming he also thinks she’s attractive, you can’t stomach him being near her,

No. Tell her to come to your house whilst you’re there. That’s what’s normal.

This. I am always reminded about the ire that mike pence got when he said he would never meet with a woman without his wife...turns out he was a mumsnetter

I think the expression 'cool wife' refers to women who make out they are happy to have their husbands flirt away with other women because they are so confident in their "solid" relationship.

Trust your instinct - I don’t think you’re wrong. Not about her anyway.

Once again I ask people to stop using "cool" as in insult when iy just means people don't have the same opinions as you

Great point!

Thing is op, you can say no to this but if there’s intent on both sides and he isn’t a trustworthy husband then there will always be other opportunities. Trying to prevent a cheater from cheating is pointless. You can delay it but you can’t stop it indefinitely.

With the jacket I’d have said possibly YABU because maybe he was just paying attention to two people saying the same thing, but the rest of it…nope! Sounds like a convenient excuse on her part. YANBU trust your instinct OP 💖

Exactly. But bet we get page and page of froth and "it's never a bloke called kevin"

For anyone who watches Rivals I am getting James Vereker/Sarah Stratton vibes.

This is my camp too…

’You’re telling me you want to go to the home of a woman you admitted you find attractive, and you want me to feel ok about it. I don’t, but these are your decisions and actions based on what you value most’

If he says ‘you’re over reacting it’s just a haircut’ I’d say, which you’ve managed elsewhere your entire life and you don’t owe this woman you find attractive any favours. Your wife has said she’s not comfortable with it but you still want to go- is that the situation here? Is that the kind of husband you aim to be?’

twatish behaviour on both their parts.

Also you could say you want a trim too?

I definitely would not be happy about this. How often does he go to the pub that she works in? Why don't you go with him?

Lol no, this is a tale as old time. Let me guess, she's younger, single and pretty. Bonus points for currently "going through a rough time" or recently single. Invite her to yours to "practice cutting hair" or say to DH you will come along to hers. Watch the plan suddenly disappear.

Yanbu
He is playing with fire and he knows it.

There's a flirtation developing here, he'll deny it to your face but it's still time to tell him he needs to put distance between himself and this woman.

That means no more contact on social media, or by phone, and no casual chats over the bar. It means remaining civil but keeping distant at any social events he may find she's also at and it means being totally transparent with you.

Short of physical restraint how will you stop him ?

a discussion to air your opinion would probably be a better option

You’re not odd. That poster is a man. He just often conveniently forgets to mention that fact until he posts something very male and has a bunch of people scratching their heads and asking him wtf he’s on about.

Anyway, I agree with the general consensus that your husband is a twat and that I wouldn’t have agreed to him going to her house either. Not with his comments about her being attractive and her being single. Simply not appropriate.

You can still say it to him along the lines of...

"I've been thinking about how Jenny directly contacted you instead of maybe going via your mate [her sister's husband]. It seems to me like she's angling for some private time with you in an intimate setting. All I ask is that you approach her advances like a decent and loyal husband would and realise what you will lose if you let her into our marriage. I can't and won't try to control what you do but I am in control of my response to it."

This

I second all of that.

If you're really bothered, suggest she does the cut at your house.

I agree @Fellohesh. I sometimes joke with my DH whether his mother dressed him that morning or did he choose to pair those things all by himself? And I would expect him to tell me if something I was intending to wear looked weird (and he does). It's not controlling behaviour: it's part of being in a loving partnership where you care about how the other will be received/perceived in a social situation.

Divorce him and take up dogging.

This. I mean how will you stop him?

I cannot imagine ANY circumstances in which my husband would say he would go out with another woman if he wasn't with me. Did you badger that out of him or did he acctually say it ???? It's just wildly inappropriate and disrespectful.