To not let DH go to this woman’s house?

A Mullett or a shave to the wood skinhead.

And what sort of haircut did you have in mind @Gossipisgood ?!

It’s getting what he doesn’t usually get that might be worrying the OP!

Yes, I have to say I personally know people who tend to find the challenge of a married person works on them like catnip.

Go with him so you can advise what style he should get. If he goes without you she could talk him into a haircut he doesn't usually get. He seems to appreciate her fashion advice more than yours so I'd be tagging along to be on the safe side.

Hope you’re doing okay OP 🩷

I do think It’s a bit odd to have met her at his mates house while working then ended up adding her on instagram? Or did she add him? weird both ways! X

No. I have not.
I'm female anyway so if I did cheat it would probably mean I'd lost all respect and attraction for my dh if I did so I'd hope I'd just have the sense to leave before getting g embroiled with someone else.

Have you cheated in the past?

But that’s your best friend commenting, someone you’ve known for years and also you’re in their house. Not someone who is more of an acquaintance, someone who works in a pub and happens to be a sister of friends. It was actually quite rude of her to comment. Maybe he was embarrassed by this, hence changing the jacket, but there was no acknowledgement his wife had said the same thing, plus he later admitted he found her attractive.

Why is there such absolutism here?

A lot of the time a man doesn't cheat as he has no other options.
Most men are mediocre, they don't take care of themselves, no character, they've never tested themselves, they never were particularly attractive or, if they were, they didn't maintain it.

I saw a group of military guys dressed in their uniforms while out and about.
They were just , attractive, half of them were objectively ordinary looking, too.

If these guys didn't cheat, it would actually be out of choice.

Another area of absolutism is cheating itself.
Infidelity=awful person who is an absolutely terrible who'll 'shag anything' that moves, must be divorced, children must undergo separation of its parents.

No subtlety, no shades of grey (going to resist the obvious joke here).
No appreciation that situations can make otherwise faithful men cheat.

I tell my husband things all the time that he basically dismisses. “Wearing Velcro strapped trainers makes you look like a pensioner or disabled.” “Your hair is down past your collar, maybe you need a haircut.” I say these types of things ONCE. He’ll tell me that he likes everything the way it is. Let’s say we go to our best friends’ house for a meal. Let the wife or husband remark on his shoes or hair and he’ll say, “You think so? Okay, I’ll take care of it.” And I want to smack him. When I say, “I told you the exact same thing yesterday and you blew me off!” He just shrugs. It’s maddening.
But I wouldn’t be threatened by him acting on someone else’s critique about his clothes. I suspect he was truthful about finding the woman attractive. And he’s obviously aware that bothered you. He ASKED you about having her cut his hair. And he didn’t do it. I don’t know what else you want. He’s entitled to have friends. Even female friends. If you discover any substantive reason to be suspicious, pursue it. But all you’ve got right now is your own insecurity.

People are focusing too much on the language here. Instead of questionable behaviour on the other person's part. 😏

I totally respect your perspective. Our perspectives are. perhaps different.

I interpret 'Fighting for it' as being very much last straw and desperate, and 'working on it' trying to find a way through difficulties when both parties wish to do so.

Infidelity, yup, it's awful. Can it be resolved? I don't know. Some people find a way if the infidel is contrite and reflective, and they truly have love and respect for one another. My experience was abuse, and having my children run away and hiding when their father got home or started threatening me. There's no way back from that.

Asking your husband if he fancies someone just because he changed his jacket when she said she didn’t like it and he didn't when you said the same, is alarmingly insecure.

Do you honestly believe that the only time a man is loyal is "when he has no other options"?? So all men would cheat if they could?

I don't have a great opinion of a lot of men overall but even I wouldn't say this about men in general.

There are definitely good men out there who have enough integrity to not cheat even when the potential to do it is there.

THIS

A marriage based on one spouse constantly trying to impose boundaries on behalf of the other spouse because the other spouse can’t maintain their own boundaries is a failure. Its madness to think this is a viable way to live.

Nobody has said she should be monitoring him all the time, either, merely trying to prevent him from these 'friendships' with other women.

That’s an oxymoron if ever I saw one - how does she achieve this “prevention” without monitoring him? What an exhausting and miserable way to live.

I never said it was about looks.
Attractive means just that: other people find them attractive.
You can have an ordinary looking man who is highly charismatic.

Nobody has said she should be monitoring him all the time, either, merely trying to prevent him from these 'friendships' with other women.

This was called good sense at one time but given that people equate her expressing her concern with actually physically stopping him from seeing her, I'm not sure that exists much any more.

Do people really think that because they've made vows they need do no more? Like that's it? It's just the beginning...

Yes it is but that shouldn’t have to include policing your spouse’s behaviour to ensure they don’t sleep with someone else. It’s a superficial delusion to think someone has to be conventionally attractive to be given the opportunity to cheat. Attraction isn’t just about looks. Marriage is about trust and there is none if you feel the need to monitor your spouse’s behaviour constantly. It must be exhausting.

@QuintadosMalvados

Do people really think that because they've made vows they need do no more? Like that's it? It's just the beginning...
The only time a man may be loyal is if he has no other options.
Then it's made like a boast 'my Nigel would never cheat', or Nigel himself boasts he'd never cheat.
And you look at Nigel and think 'that's because you either were unattractive to begin with and your wife married you for other reasons like money, unless you do something to jeopardise her lifestyle she doesn't give a f* what you do, in fact if it gets you out of her hair she'd welcome it, or you've become unattractive. Nothing to do with how moral you are.'

We obviously just look at this in fundamentally different ways.

I believe if you make a vow to be faithful you should keep the vow. If someone else breaks the vow then that's on them, not you. They've invalidated the vow. It's not on you, as the cheated party (or nearly cheated party) to be trying to "fix" something which someone else has broken. Certainly not to be running around trying to prevent someone from breaking vows before they've done it.

Also with your "Nigel would never cheat" point: you seem to be implying that the likelihood that you will cheat is directly correlated with your physical attractiveness? I just don't believe this. People cheat for all manner of reasons, but there isn't a sliding scale that dictates that the less attractive you are, the less likely you are to cheat. And again, if you believe your husband is more likely to cheat, it's not your responsibility trying to stop him.

But the truth is that if a person is reasonably attractive some third party will be there after them, and you know what, if the marriage is at a weak point and a 'friendship' exists with a member of the opposite sex that's when you've got the 3 ingredients for the perfect storm that is an affair.

Maybe so. I just don't believe that the onus is on me to prevent my husband or partner from cheating.

I'm not married and would never get married, partly because I think the idea of being legally bound to someone for life is unrealistic and usually unworkable, so maybe none of this applies to me anyway.

But lots of people do manage to make marriages work successfully and I'm pretty sure that's not only because the women take it upon themselves to prevent their husbands cheating.

Do people really think that because they've made vows they need do no more? Like that's it? It's just the beginning...
The only time a man may be loyal is if he has no other options.
Then it's made like a boast 'my Nigel would never cheat', or Nigel himself boasts he'd never cheat.
And you look at Nigel and think 'that's because you either were unattractive to begin with and your wife married you for other reasons like money, unless you do something to jeopardise her lifestyle she doesn't give a f* what you do, in fact if it gets you out of her hair she'd welcome it, or you've become unattractive. Nothing to do with how moral you are.'

But the truth is that if a person is reasonably attractive some third party will be there after them, and you know what, if the marriage is at a weak point and a 'friendship' exists with a member of the opposite sex that's when you've got the 3 ingredients for the perfect storm that is an affair.

BTW, I've never known a guy have contempt for a woman who forgives his cheating.
Never.
The other way round? Yes.

I agree with this. He obviously felt it was a bit off Op to even ask you about going in the first place, so hopefully that’s the end of that.

I don't really understand all this - do you really want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't cheat because you flail around trying to block his access to it, quiz him about who he finds attractive and check his phone?

If he wants to fuck the barmaid with all the fashion advice - the quicker the better - get it over with and him out the door.

You know you have a whole life to live, don't you OP that doesn't involve this level of anguish?

Absolutely, it’s one too many little things and we tell women never to ignore their instincts