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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry at my mum over an animal in distress

139 replies

Corintha · 27/05/2026 15:25

My mum has just text me in casual conversation to say that there is a pigeon trapped in the chimney vent in her and my dad’s bedroom. She says that they heard it fall down early this morning and it has been in there cooing ever since and is clearly stuck.

I have asked what she intends to do about it, whether she is going to get my dad to take the vent off or call someone in. She doesn’t want to take the vent off as it will be messy and doesn’t want to call anyone out as she says she’s too busy with other life admin (she’s a carer for adult autistic sibling). She says “It’s a shame but it’s life” and she’s just going to leave it and let nature run its course.

I’ve lost my shit with her a bit as she seems okay to lay in bed for the next few nights listening to an animal die in a horrible way. The vent is behind their bed board ffs! I’ve also warned her that the smell is going to be horrendous and she will have flies but she is insisting it will be fine. It’s a vent, of course the smell is going to seep through.

I’ve lost my shit with her a bit and she has told me to go away and blocked me saying “it’s not the first time an animal has died in a chimney and won’t be the last”.

AIBU to think she’s being incredibly thick. I’m so angry at her and I don’t know what to do as I live an hour away and don’t drive, it’s 3 hours away on public transport

OP posts:
NearlyNinety · 27/05/2026 17:20

BauhausOfEliott · 27/05/2026 16:48

Possibly because the chimney is that of her parents' house and not hers, and people can't go around making changes to houses that don't belong them simply because their parents live there?

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The use of 'We' was misleading.

reptilemad1985 · 27/05/2026 17:17

it wont be good for your ill sibling ether if it dies

User1367349 · 27/05/2026 17:17

Jellox · 27/05/2026 16:52

That’s a silly comment.

The mum is in the house and it’s a 10min job.

OP is a 6 hour trip away.
Even if OP left within the next 10mins, it would be almost midnight before she got home - that’s if buses even run that late.

Of course it is much more difficult for OP to get there and do it herself.

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And her mum is a (probably burnt out) carer to a disabled adult. Maybe she doesn’t have the capacity to deal with this either… I agree with @FurtherDownTheRoad that they both have their limits. It’s very telling that OP is only angry with her mum though, why not her dad?

UnctuousUnicorns · 27/05/2026 17:12

loislovesstewie · 27/05/2026 17:01

It would take literally a minute to unscrew the vent,open the window and see if the bird would escape. I had a seagull come down my chimney into the living room a few years ago, we ushered it out in seconds. Then got a chimney cowl.

A starling came down our chimney once. We had to pay someone to come out and disconnect the gas fire to let it out. It went a bit crazy flying all around the room ignoring the open window, so we trapped in a bucket and let it out the front door.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/05/2026 17:11

Could be compassion fatigue if she is a long standing parent carer, why haven't you gone mental at your dad about it?

OCDmama · 27/05/2026 17:04

YAnbu.

I'd be rethinking my relationship with her going forwards. That lack of empathy is really quite disturbing.

Jellox · 27/05/2026 17:04

Feis123 · 27/05/2026 16:56

This

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How is it possible for OP to do it herself??

Contrarymary30 · 27/05/2026 17:01

Would it be worth contacting the RSPCA or we have similar for when we find an injured bird . It's truly disgusting of her to behave like this , I'm glad you've lost it with her . It happened to my son , I remember having to go and wait in for someone to remove the electric fire to let it out .

loislovesstewie · 27/05/2026 17:01

It would take literally a minute to unscrew the vent,open the window and see if the bird would escape. I had a seagull come down my chimney into the living room a few years ago, we ushered it out in seconds. Then got a chimney cowl.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 27/05/2026 16:58

That happened at my place of work. It was the work of a minute to unscrew the vent and free the poor pigeon. I think your mum and all the posters here defending her are bloody cruel.

WilfredsPies · 27/05/2026 16:57

Contact your dad, tell him you’re concerned about the smell, the lice that will be coming off a dead bird and the flies and maggots, and ask him if she’d be willing to let someone deal with it if you can find someone locally who’d be willing to help, and then get on their local FB page. Someone will be aware of a local animal sanctuary or someone who will rescue struggling birds. I suspect she finds everything involved in a rescue just as insurmountable as you do.

If their answer is no, then you either go and rescue the bird yourself and call in sick tomorrow morning, or you leave them to it and when they complain that they can’t sleep in that room anymore, then you tell them you have zero sympathy for them and you warned them that this would happen. There is nothing else that you can do.

Feis123 · 27/05/2026 16:56

LoserWinner · 27/05/2026 15:50

If it matters so much to you, why don’t you go and release the bird yourself, and clear up the mess for her? Or offer to look after your brother for the day so she has the time and headspace to deal with it?

This

MissyMooPoo2 · 27/05/2026 16:56

Corintha · 27/05/2026 15:49

No she claims to be an animal lover and has a dog.

i’m so fucking furious at her and she is happily going to lay there listening to it coo as it starves to death

and she’s so thick for thinking it won’t smell or attract flies because “it’s behind the vent and the vent is covered by the bed board”

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I'm so sorry to read this, OP. She's being disgusting and blocking you is also vile.

FullOfMomsense · 27/05/2026 16:54

Your mum blocked you? Fuck that. Time for NC

Jellox · 27/05/2026 16:52

User1367349 · 27/05/2026 16:38

So your “busy” is more important than hers?

I must admit I couldn’t live with it either…

Edited
Show quote history

That’s a silly comment.

The mum is in the house and it’s a 10min job.

OP is a 6 hour trip away.
Even if OP left within the next 10mins, it would be almost midnight before she got home - that’s if buses even run that late.

Of course it is much more difficult for OP to get there and do it herself.

BauhausOfEliott · 27/05/2026 16:49

User1367349 · 27/05/2026 16:38

So your “busy” is more important than hers?

I must admit I couldn’t live with it either…

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So your “busy” is more important than hers?

Don't be silly.

diddl · 27/05/2026 16:49

So does your dad not get a say in this?

Presumably he can remove the vent & clean up afterwards if he wants to?

Jellox · 27/05/2026 16:48

Notmyreality · 27/05/2026 16:14

You are unreasonable to “lose your shit” at you DM over this. That is an over reaction and you should learn to control yourself. Different people have different considerations - personally my first reaction is similar to your mums, these thing happen, it’s part of nature/life. But I would be more concerned about the potential smell of a decaying bird, though given the fact you have access to the vent right there I would open it up and see if I could get to it. But I wouldn’t be tearing my chimney down to save a pigeon no.

Edited

It is not an overreaction.

The mum literally has to take a vent off.
Its a 10min job and could save a life.

She’s a heartless cow and I just hope no one leaves her suffering and in pain when she’s older.

BauhausOfEliott · 27/05/2026 16:48

NearlyNinety · 27/05/2026 16:20

Why didn't you have a grill on the chimneys?

Possibly because the chimney is that of her parents' house and not hers, and people can't go around making changes to houses that don't belong them simply because their parents live there?

sonjadog · 27/05/2026 16:47

Could your Dad help it or someone else closer by? Or if you told her you were coming to do it, would that motivate her to do something? I would have trouble relating to someone who was so cruel to an animal tbh. I would make it very clear to her that you aren't just going to forget about this and it will affect how you think about her in future.

Lomonald · 27/05/2026 16:42

She sounds devoid of empathy, i couldn't listen to an animal in distress even if it does die least they could try and get it out, but it will die and stink im sure she will worry then!

User1367349 · 27/05/2026 16:38

Corintha · 27/05/2026 15:53

I’m 7 months pregnant and a 3 hour train ride away and then would be another 3 hour train ride back and I work at 7am tomorrow.

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So your “busy” is more important than hers?

I must admit I couldn’t live with it either…

BeanQuisine · 27/05/2026 16:37

Is the grille designed to be easily removed, and do your parents know how to remove it?

Catwalking · 27/05/2026 16:36

Once dead the rotting body will stink & attract flies, maybe draw you mothers attention to that…..takes about 3weeks for the stink to die down.
The flies get in the same way the pigeon did.

LeaderBee · 27/05/2026 16:34

CanOnlyBeMyself · 27/05/2026 16:30

@BillieWiper I'm probably going to be unpopular when I say this but I consider pigeons to be vermin

How very odd of you. Bet you love robins don’t you? Anyone who thinks it’s ok to not rescue a living creature when it’s possible to do so is disgusting.

That's the key point here isn't it? When it's possible to do so.
It's sad and I could understand some of the responses if it was 100% certain nothing could be done but the not even trying part is what is horrifying me.