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AIBU?

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Why might this person have bruises ?

84 replies

0livesandcheese · 27/05/2026 13:53

If you saw that someone had bruises on her upper arms would you ask about them? I am concerned but I also know that she enjoys quite a liberal sex life. I don’t know exactly what she participates in but have an idea that she is quite experimental. Could it be that it’s from this or would you be concerned? I haven’t said anything before and this is the third time I’ve noticed bruises. Please don’t attack me if I’m getting this wrong, just asking for advice aibu

OP posts:
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PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 28/05/2026 06:08

I would expect this if she’s a Kendo practitioner (although that’s usually the wrists)…

Pets, medical conditions and yes (potentially) consensual sex would come to my mind as well. But I would definitely ask a close friend if I saw these kinds of bruises.

Cosyblankets · 27/05/2026 21:12

0livesandcheese · 27/05/2026 14:15

Because I don’t want to embarrass her if it’s just sex bruises

You seem to know a lot of details about her sex life so she's clearly not embarrassed

gentlemum · 27/05/2026 21:08

I bruise very easily and have experienced people asking me before where I got them and if everything is ok and it’s made me feel uncomfortable and not believed as I protest that everything is fine, really!

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 27/05/2026 20:36

Definitely ask in a 'omg what happened?' way. Her reaction will tell you if you need to worry.

Crikeyalmighty · 27/05/2026 19:51

MissMoneyFairy · 27/05/2026 14:09

Yes, I'd just say oh that looks sore, is everything OK or be a bit lighthearted.

I would say that too

Nearly50omg · 27/05/2026 19:51

Low iron levels cause easy bruising!

evilharpy · 27/05/2026 19:48

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/05/2026 17:55

Not always. I've had those bruises from sex, but I've also had the same type of bruises from being grabbed and thrown across a room by my violent (ex) husband.

If they're friends, she should really ask, just to check she's ok.

I've had similar marks from martial arts, as well as bruised forearms also from martial arts and kettlebell training. I do sometimes wonder if people assume it's something else!

Just ask her.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/05/2026 17:55

Witchywooz · 27/05/2026 14:14

If it's like thumb mark bruises on front of arms it's from sex

Not always. I've had those bruises from sex, but I've also had the same type of bruises from being grabbed and thrown across a room by my violent (ex) husband.

If they're friends, she should really ask, just to check she's ok.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 27/05/2026 17:47

I don't see why it's wierd to ask. I would think it's weirder to see them and not ask. Hey you've lots of bruises, did you know they were there?

To be honest I don't really get what you expect the outcome to be. If she is being abused then she knows it and is allowing it to happen for whatever reason. You asking about a bruise isn't going to make her suddenly realise. She will probably lie to you anyway in that case. I just feel it's very unlikely she will break down and confide in you. I also find it strange that that's where your mind went straight away, people get bruises for lots of reasons. I feel there must be other concerns regarding her behaviour that make you think DV is an issue.

KSera · 27/05/2026 17:46

I have asked my mum that question.
It is up to you. Maybe she’ll tell you, maybe she won’t. Maybe she’ll lie, maybe she’ll tell the truth.
Nobody here knows. What’s the point in speculation?
Honestly, it’s really weird to be afraid to comment because they “might be from sex.” I don’t think it’s common to have bruises from consensual sex. Unless by “liberal” you mean you know she is into bdsm or something (in which case you know her well enough to express genuine concern surely), or have some other reason to think she is being abused, I can’t understand why your mind has gone here.
Weird thread.

bridgetreilly · 27/05/2026 17:39

“I really don’t mean to pry, and tell me to shut up if you like, but I can’t help noticing that you’ve had bruises on your arms a few times. I’m just concerned in case that’s a sign of something bad happening. If you need to talk, I’m listening.”

ToffeePennie · 27/05/2026 17:37

My upper arms, legs, back, bum and generally everywhere bar my head, feet hands and lower arms are riddled with bruises. Im about as vanilla as they come: I just bruise really really easily. Some people bruise easier than others.

GinToBegin · 27/05/2026 17:35

0livesandcheese · 27/05/2026 16:57

I will ask next time I see anything

I think this is for the best, OP. If it is (consensual) sex-related, you can acknowledge and move on. If it’s not, you’ll have shown her that you’re someone who she can turn to if she needs to.

Daftypants · 27/05/2026 17:24

I have bloody evil door handles , I’m hurrying up to do things I get horrible bumps and bruises on upper arms .
i really want to change each and every pigging door handle when I have spare £
I also have a dog that when he’s getting himself comfy , he’ll stomp about on my thighs ..then sit on my lap .
But if you feel you have a close enough relationship to ask , then ask her

Inmyuggs · 27/05/2026 17:08

0livesandcheese · 27/05/2026 15:07

She isn’t in a long term relationship but has a few people she sees

And there you go
Kinky brusies.
Just ask already.

aspidernamedfluffy · 27/05/2026 16:58

SandwichSuperstar · 27/05/2026 16:19

Blood thinners.

Since the doctor put me on them I bruise like a peach, and sometimes in places that are impossible to bang/knock.

Same. Everyday brings a comment of "where the fuck has THAT come from" when I get dressed. I currently have a very large one on my outer thigh that I have absolutely no idea about. It wasn't there yesterday.

0livesandcheese · 27/05/2026 16:57

I will ask next time I see anything

OP posts:
Mightchangemyname · 27/05/2026 16:57

Some people bruise like a peach (me included!) If you are concerned maybe just ask her but try and not make that big a deal of it, something like ‘oh my goodness look at these bruises are you ok’ and see what she says, there could be loads of reasons for them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/05/2026 16:55

Everyone is giving 1000 reasons people have bruises. And they all exist. But so does domestic violence. Just because you're a kickboxer on bloodthinners, doesn't mean someone else isn't. OP should make her mind up. Not be convinced it's nothing when it could be something.

Boomer55 · 27/05/2026 16:34

I’m covered in bruises on my arms. No one has ever assaulted me.

Thin skin and blood thinners are a bad combination. 🤷‍♀️

chirrupybird · 27/05/2026 16:30

0livesandcheese · 27/05/2026 16:03

I have actually remembered someone at work once asking if I’d been fighting when I had a black eye. I was embarrassed about how it happened and made something up which sounded like a lie and so then he obviously thought I had been fighting! 😬

I remember my mum having a black eye and saying the baby hit her with a rattle (which was true) no one believed her and thought my dad had hit her, much to her embarrassment.

JillThePlantKiller · 27/05/2026 16:26

I bruise easily and get asked about them if they show. On the rare occasion that there’s a reason I’d rather not discuss, I’ve covered up. If she’s not hiding them, it’s not unreasonable to ask. But be prepared that some people get off on talking about their sex life, and the conversation could be far more uncomfortable for you than for her.

That said, she wouldn’t be the first person to mistake sexual liberation with abuse, so I’d probably ask anyway.

catin8oot5 · 27/05/2026 16:24

I always have massive bruises but I’m in a BDSM relationship. My choice.

Rodneynotdave · 27/05/2026 16:22

I currently have bruises ob the tops of both my arms and on both of my lower arms just above the wrists. It's from kettlebell training but looks like i've been grabbed violently! If it was a friend I would ask though!

IsThisLifeNow · 27/05/2026 16:20

could it be a contact sport? It sounds exactly like roller derby!! Teammates often hold their pals in place while someone pushed them from behind. My wall often leave handprint bruises on each other!