Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

588 replies

shutityouduffer · 27/05/2026 13:52

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

OP posts:
ForCalmScroller · 31/05/2026 13:34

WhichAreaisGood · 31/05/2026 02:52

Just a consequence of men being vilified, labelled or condemned by society, read femos, Left media and civil service. If they help they are sexist and chauvinist, if they check out a woman they are rapists, if they sit in a park they are pedos, if they get promoted they are privileged etc.
Not a good era to be a normal middle of the road hetro bloke!

Spot on

ByGraptharsHammer · 31/05/2026 13:33

What it actually is fairly stupid men telling you that they have value. That you should value them. Yes it is stupid, and sometimes actively nasty.

They haven’t grown up in any kind of house where women were more than an appendage. You can pity their partners if they have them. That will be their life, in all likelihood

Petrolitis · 31/05/2026 13:18

ForCalmScroller · 31/05/2026 02:26

Haha, what? The 'manosphere' is only some tripe drummed up in the last few years... feminism has been around a bit longer... you now see the result of wanting to be treated as equals and not getting the special treatment you think you deserve anymore.

So you don't even actually know what feminism is do you? Feminism is about equity not equality. Women have different needs to men so having exactly the same thing isn't the answer.

And no all facts and figures show women don't get special treatment and frankly you should be super ashamed of yourself for trying to pretend they do when women in Afghanistan aren't even allowed to have their voices heard in public.

What is wrong with you revelling in the oppression of other humans?

krustykittens · 31/05/2026 13:17

It's such a fun game when the incels turn up on a thread isn't? They are so subtle it's fun trying to spot them.

I am being sarcastic in case anyone is wondering.

Petrolitis · 31/05/2026 13:12

ForCalmScroller · 30/05/2026 23:16

Welcome to the result of feminism, enjoy

Oh cuntish men are womens fault are they as well as everythingelse?

Women were abused by men long before feminism at least meant that we can vote.

Itsjustmethatsall · 31/05/2026 11:28

When my daughter was small, I had I little camper van. I was a single parent, and we went all over in it. I managed to get an awning for it. Pole type, not easy to put up, but I was quite fit then, and I managed. DD was to young to help.
One really hot, sunny day, we camped at a little, cheap place in Hampshire. Little more than a field with some toilets, as they were the cheaper sites, still lovely though. Few people about....except a bunch of about 4 men, sitting in deckchairs, and drinking, outside a caravan.
They could see I was struggling in the heat. They just sat there watching, laughing and joking between themselves. It was a very good job none of them shouted anything, else they would probably have experienced the full force of my annoyance!! Lol. As it was, I was staying cheerful for my daughter, and to show them!

Gabitule · 31/05/2026 11:09

shutityouduffer · 27/05/2026 14:20

I think completely blanking them is a good idea, or looking at them like they’ve got two heads…

These replies are brilliant, what a lot of tosspots there are roaming the streets! I had another incident like this a few weeks bacK - which I had totally forgotten about - I went into our local curry house on a Saturday night to collect an order. My DP waited in the car outside. While I’m in the reception bit waiting by the till to ask about the collection, about 15 blokes come in and line up behind me. Obviously they’re there for a table. Then suddenly one of them walks behind the bar/till area and says “How can I help?”

I take it at face value, and say, I’m here to collect an order and show him the screen on my justeat app. He grabs a random piece of paper from behind the bar and says “is this your order?” A few of the others laugh, and I clock what’s going on so just put my phone away. To be fair one of his mates says “stop it with the toxic masculinity” to him, which was well put! But then I had to stand there for another five minutes with them which was extemely awkward

Oh, but the mate who said ‘’stop it wirh the toxic masculinity’’ probably didn’t mean it, he was probably just being sarcastic, trying to point out that we, women, are overly sensitive and can’t take a joke

Petrolitis · 31/05/2026 11:06

shuggles · 27/05/2026 20:15

It doesn't. There is no camaraderie among men. Women have the sisterhood, but men do not share the same bond with other men.

Now this is interesting because men don't make these comments to other random men in real life on the whole, probably due to fear of retribution.

But go onto a diy forum or somewhere predominantly male online and they can be utter twats to each other.

So whilst I think male toxicity is mainly focused on women, I do think they are willing to tear other men down if they think they can do it with impunity.

Petrolitis · 31/05/2026 10:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Or if you find a way to murder them and dispose of the body

TriesNotToBeCynical · 31/05/2026 10:53

HanG77 · 31/05/2026 10:36

What are these replies on?! The OP talked about stupid unhelpful comments. The post wasn’t saying men need to jump in and help left heavy things. Men being helpful has never been the issue, men being total pricks has.

Nor has she suggested that men would be unwelcome if they did offer to help - the other much-quoted stupid trope that I have rarely come across in reality.

HanG77 · 31/05/2026 10:36

What are these replies on?! The OP talked about stupid unhelpful comments. The post wasn’t saying men need to jump in and help left heavy things. Men being helpful has never been the issue, men being total pricks has.

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/05/2026 10:16

WhichAreaisGood · 31/05/2026 02:52

Just a consequence of men being vilified, labelled or condemned by society, read femos, Left media and civil service. If they help they are sexist and chauvinist, if they check out a woman they are rapists, if they sit in a park they are pedos, if they get promoted they are privileged etc.
Not a good era to be a normal middle of the road hetro bloke!

Someone’s been spending a bit too much time online…

Workworkwok · 31/05/2026 10:08

ByGraptharsHammer · 29/05/2026 09:09

They are not lonely! Or if they are, it’s because their special charm school repels nearly everyone.

They are just immature. I blame the parents

exactly

Some of them may well be lonely, but they are also entitled and stupid. It’s the entitlement and stupidity that is the issue, not the loneliness.

I’m lonely at times. I don’t intrude on strangers by saying random things to people minding their own business.

I had a lovely conversation with a lonely stranger just yesterday. He didn’t intrude, we just happened to get talking through circumstance. We ended up having an intelligent conversation about music that genuinely brightened both our days.

I know he was lonely because of things he said, but it didn’t make him incapable of having manners or sensitivity, or knowing what was appropriate to say to a complete stranger.

Women don’t owe lonely men attention. When men think it’s okay to do this crap, the loneliness is not the issue.

AInightingale · 31/05/2026 09:27

ForCalmScroller · 31/05/2026 02:26

Haha, what? The 'manosphere' is only some tripe drummed up in the last few years... feminism has been around a bit longer... you now see the result of wanting to be treated as equals and not getting the special treatment you think you deserve anymore.

Everything about this thread illustrates that many women aren't treated 'as equals' because as you can see, men don't tend to make asinine and offensive remarks to random male strangers, probably as they fear having their faces punched in. But you clearly haven't read it very carefully.

Petrolitis · 31/05/2026 08:36

Feis123 · 27/05/2026 15:20

You are pissed off you can't come back with a witty putdown? Unless comments are rude/racist/misogynist, what is the problem?

Don't be stupid, open your ears and listen.

This is a thread full of women saying they are sick of men interrupting their peace rudely or inanely in the public sphere.

Why should they have to give these men headspace, let alone make the mental effort to engage in 'bantz' with a complete random.

ThatCyanCat · 31/05/2026 08:14

WhichAreaisGood · 31/05/2026 02:52

Just a consequence of men being vilified, labelled or condemned by society, read femos, Left media and civil service. If they help they are sexist and chauvinist, if they check out a woman they are rapists, if they sit in a park they are pedos, if they get promoted they are privileged etc.
Not a good era to be a normal middle of the road hetro bloke!

Lol.

itslikecakesbutitsnotcakes · 31/05/2026 07:31

WhichAreaisGood · 31/05/2026 02:52

Just a consequence of men being vilified, labelled or condemned by society, read femos, Left media and civil service. If they help they are sexist and chauvinist, if they check out a woman they are rapists, if they sit in a park they are pedos, if they get promoted they are privileged etc.
Not a good era to be a normal middle of the road hetro bloke!

What on earth are you on about? None of the things you’ve pointed out the poor menz are supposedly vilified for have been examples in this thread.

itslikecakesbutitsnotcakes · 31/05/2026 07:26

When I was about 21 I was walking past a football ground in London… because I lived in a nearby street… a group of blokes on their way to a game started shouting “who’s the girl with the big fat arse… blondie… blondie”. There were hundred of blokes around and everyone looked at me and laughed. I couldn’t have felt more exposed.There was nothing I could do but just walk as fast as possible.
Thing is I was about a size 8 then. Nobheads

Treesandbeez · 31/05/2026 07:08

UseUpTheCoins · 27/05/2026 15:19

I have lived in London for years and can definitely parallel park, reverse park, whatever. Several times a random man will start giving me advice on how to park my car. I find it incredibly irritating. And there is no way that they would do that to a man.

Infuriating. Shout very loudly: “listen up everyone! This man point to him unfortunately has a very small cock”

EvieBB · 31/05/2026 05:21

ForCalmScroller · 31/05/2026 02:26

Haha, what? The 'manosphere' is only some tripe drummed up in the last few years... feminism has been around a bit longer... you now see the result of wanting to be treated as equals and not getting the special treatment you think you deserve anymore.

Vile

ThatBlackCat · 31/05/2026 03:59

WhichAreaisGood · 31/05/2026 02:52

Just a consequence of men being vilified, labelled or condemned by society, read femos, Left media and civil service. If they help they are sexist and chauvinist, if they check out a woman they are rapists, if they sit in a park they are pedos, if they get promoted they are privileged etc.
Not a good era to be a normal middle of the road hetro bloke!

Rubbish! Women manage not to go up and insult and abuse other women in public. Why can't men manage it? The fact that they NEVER pull this shit with other men PROVES they know exactly what they are doing, and they make a choice to insult, hurt, humiliate and abuse schoolgirls and women. While leaving men alone.

ThatBlackCat · 31/05/2026 03:56

ForCalmScroller · 31/05/2026 02:26

Haha, what? The 'manosphere' is only some tripe drummed up in the last few years... feminism has been around a bit longer... you now see the result of wanting to be treated as equals and not getting the special treatment you think you deserve anymore.

Manosphere relates to the patriarchy as a whole, from the beginning of time. Not just in the few years.

DameAlis · 31/05/2026 03:05

sunhat100 · 27/05/2026 17:30

Should have said, "You need a couple of bottles of water to turn into wine now"

Plus another 2 loaves & a couple of fishes...

WhichAreaisGood · 31/05/2026 02:52

Just a consequence of men being vilified, labelled or condemned by society, read femos, Left media and civil service. If they help they are sexist and chauvinist, if they check out a woman they are rapists, if they sit in a park they are pedos, if they get promoted they are privileged etc.
Not a good era to be a normal middle of the road hetro bloke!

ForCalmScroller · 31/05/2026 02:26

ThatBlackCat · 31/05/2026 01:41

Backwards. Feminism is the result of the manosphere.

Haha, what? The 'manosphere' is only some tripe drummed up in the last few years... feminism has been around a bit longer... you now see the result of wanting to be treated as equals and not getting the special treatment you think you deserve anymore.

Swipe left for the next trending thread